Marriage Counseling in Bensalem, PA—Bucks County Marital Counselors and Therapists
Marriage counseling helps couples to work through conflict and improve their relationship. It can help them to work through problems like a lack of intimacy, jealousy, parenting disagreements, and more. Whatever it is you and your partner might be going through, a marriage counselor can try to help you find common ground and be happy together again.
If you are interested in marriage counseling, consider working with a counselor or psychologist at Thriveworks Bensalem in Bucks County. Our counselors and therapists are the best of the best, with impressive skills and experience. To schedule an appointment, give us a call at (215) 874-8002.
Exercises that Can Benefit Your Marriage
“Love banking” is a practical and useful theory developed by world-renowned researchers, Dr. John Gottman. When used in marriage, this exercise is one of many that can help couples establish trust and positive energy in their marriage. Thriveworks counselors are trained to put this exercise, as well as many others, into use in your daily life.
The “love banking” theory can be thought of in a simple analogy. Imagine that your relationship is a bank account. Your bank account can be extremely full and wealthy, or it can be overdrawn. Thriveworks counselors can help you learn to see each and every interaction with your spouse as either a “deposit” or a “withdrawal.”
Understanding the Marriage Bank Account
Withdrawals are any negative talk, fight, insult, request or demand made of your partner. Couples that are experiencing difficulties in their marriage can have a great number of withdrawals in one day.
- If you say “Don’t leave your junk on the floor” — that is a withdrawal
- If you say “Just leave me alone” — that is a withdrawal
- If you say “Take the trash out” — that is a withdrawal
- If you slam the door and walk away — that is a withdrawal
These may sound like simple actions and requests, and some or many may even be innocent and not intended to harm, but they are still withdrawals. Name calling, swearing, eye rolling, yelling; these are all even more serious withdrawals.
When our emotional or relational bank account is empty or overdrawn, we feel lonely, angry, resentful, and bitter. None of us wants to bounce checks. This is true for our marriage bank account, as it is true for our real bank accounts. Without making any deposits, even the simplest requests can feel hurtful to your partner because they are not balanced with love and respect.
Make 5 Deposits Per Every Withdrawal
The magic number, as formulated by Dr. Gottman’s research, appears to be a five to one ratio. We need to have five deposits for every one withdrawal. This may sound impossible for couples that are struggling to get through a day without a slammed door or an argument. But by slowing building up your deposits, and making small changes that make a difference in your overall communication style, real change is possible. Deposits can be anything that builds up your spouse. A hug, an encouraging word, emptying the dishwasher; these are all ways to make deposits in your marriage bank account.
In order to make deposits effectively, you need to know how to best express love and affection for your spouse. “The Five Love Languages,” as developed by researcher and author Gary Chapman, addresses the different ways that we give and receive love. The five love languages are: words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch. Let’s delve into a few:
- Words of affirmation:This love language is exactly as it sounds. We all know that it is possible to use our words to hearten and encourage our spouse. This can be spoken, in writing, in recognition of something large or small. It is an important and simple was to express love to your partner.
- Gifts:This love language can also be quite simple to express. Tokens of appreciation, even inexpensive ones, can show someone that they are thought of and cherished. It does not reflect the quality of being materialistic or selfish; rather, it is simply that some people feel love most by being given a tangible reminder of another’s love for them.
- Acts of service: Taking the trash out, getting the oil changed in the car, emptying the dishwasher, making school lunches, these are jobs that most people do not look forward to doing. But for someone who really values this type of love language, these acts of service mean a great deal when they are completed without prodding by their spouse.
Marriage Counseling at Thriveworks Bensalem
A marriage counselor at Thriveworks Bensalem in Bucks County can help you and your partner understand the marriage bank account, as well as other effective techniques for improving your relationship. If you are ready to schedule an appointment, give us a call. We’ll set you up with a skilled, caring, experienced counselor or psychologist. You could even have your first appointment within 24 hours, as most new clients do.
We look forward to putting our skills to work and helping you improve your marriage. Call us today at (215) 874-8002.