San Antonio, TX Marriage Counselors and Therapists
In most romantic comedies, the tension that drives the plotline is whether the couples can finally overcome everything that has been keeping them separated. Will they finally have a happily-ever-after? Think about movies like Sleepless in Seattle, Silver Linings Playbook, While You Were Sleeping, Hitch, You’ve Got Mail. Geography, mental health challenges, past relationships, physical illness, grief, and more cannot keep them apart. Once they are together, nothing can stop them. As Harry tells Sally, in one of the most romantic scenes of all time, “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” There it is: happily-ever-after. If only the real world work that way. Anyone in a marriage knows that staying together can be just as difficult as getting together. That is why so many spouses vow to love each other “in good times and bad, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health.” Marriages often have seasons that are bad, poor, and sick. Marriages often need help, and more and more, spouses are going to marriage counseling to get the help they need.
“A great marriage isn’t something that just happens;
it’s something that must be created.” —Fawn Weaver
The professionals at Thriveworks San Antonio frequently see spouses who need a little help creating a better relationship. We know that marriage takes work. We know that every relationship will struggle at some point. We know that there are many options for building a better future.
When Should We Start Marriage Therapy?
When couples are struggling, they often want to know, is this a reason why other people start marriage counseling? In essence, they want to know Will marriage therapy help? There are no easy answers to this question. Marriage therapy helps many couples, and how they define “help” is crucial. Sometimes, having a better relationship means working through difficult topics together. Sometimes, having a better relationship means parting ways with as much kindness and respect as is possible. In both cases, marriages counselors are often helpful guides.
Should you and your spouse start marriage therapy? Just as there are no guarantees about the future of a relationship, there is no right or wrong time to start marriage counseling. It is a very personal decision, but if you are wondering if therapy may help, it probably can. Here are a few reasons spouses have started marriage counseling at Thriveworks San Antonio…
1) The fighting is constant.
Differences. Debates. Disagreements. Every marriage has them. It is normal—even healthy—for spouses to fight, so long as they do so respectfully and fairly. When disagreements occur, healthy couples respect each other’s position, refuse to use personal attacks, and find a mutually beneficial solution. Then, they can move on to more positive interactions. Marriage therapists talk about The Golden Ratio: for every one negative interaction that spouses have, they need to have five positive ones. Negative interactions have great power to inflict harm. When disagreements occur too often or when differences are not handled respectfully, then both spouses may suffer. It may be time to go see a marriage counselor and learn some conflict resolution skills.
2) There is nothing to fight about.
Sometimes, those negative interactions look like fire. Sometimes, they look like ice. When spouses ignore one another, down play each other’s needs, stonewall or avoid problems, these actions may look peaceful on the surface. However, they are incredibly hurtful. When couples do not fight, there could be several reasons. One spouse’s emotions, thoughts, and needs may be dominated by the other spouse’s emotions, thoughts, and needs. Each spouse needs to maintain their individuality for the marriage to be healthy. Another possibility is that both spouses are so worn out with fighting that they have given up and apathy has set in. In either case, the root cause needs to be identified and addressed. It may be time to go see a marriage counselor and learn some communication skills.
3) Someone cheated.
An affair is a crisis. It is also a decision point. Some couples work through the betrayal and try to save their marriage—although this is a tough process. Some couples decide to divorce—although this is a tough process. There are no right answers, and there are no easy paths after one or both spouses have cheated. Whatever path each spouse chooses, it may be time to go see a marriage counselor.
4) Each spouse is trying to change the other spouse.
In healthy relationships, people accept responsibility for their own growth—they do not try to change others. This is particularly true of a healthy marriage relationship. When spouses try to change each other, they never succeed. Instead, they often introduce frustration, shame, and disappointment into their relationship. If spouses are trying to change each other, it may be time to go see a marriage counselor to learn how to set boundaries.
Marriage Counseling at Thriveworks San Antonio—Setting Up an Appointment
If you and your spouse are struggling with something listed above, know that you are not alone. Others are struggling as well. If you and your spouse are struggling with something not listed above, know that you are not alone. Our marriage therapists know that each couple is unique. Whatever challenge you may be facing, the counselors at Thriveworks San Antonio are ready to help. When you call our office for an appointment, you may be meeting with your counselor within 24 hours. Call today.