Regardless of whether your marital relationship is in turmoil, or you just wish to safeguard a good thing, keep reading to learn a counseling tactic that could protect your marriage.”
Phone us to book a session: 434-528-3263.
Suppose you awakened tomorrow and a miracle had happened through the night?
Suppose, while you were snoozing, the troubles that have been worrying you and your partner were gone? Money disputes. Parenting obstacles. In-law problems. Communication problems. Even extramarital relations. What if everything was solved?
Take a few seconds and contemplate it:
- What would your life feel like?
- Where would you and your spouse both be when you got out of bed?
- How would you really feel concerning your spouse?
- How would your spouse really feel toward you?
- What would be the very first thing you would do?
It’s a captivating question, isn’t it? It’s called “The Miracle Question” and it’s often used to assist new marriage therapy clients, like you, determine what you really want (and need) to change in your lifestyle and marriage. Another question:.
What would be the very first thing you would do?
Do your answers to the inquiries above seem inconceivable for you and your marriage? You’re not the only one. As a matter of fact, many individuals have felt similarly.
However, what the marital relationship counselors at Thriveworks Lynchburg have found — after helping literally thousands of couples strengthen their relationships and marriages — is that once you recognize the core and specific issues in your marital connection, as well as identify clearly what you want your marriage to become, it is often very achievable to draw the line between where your marital relationship is right now and where you want your marriage to be.
Many of our clients have discovered that change in their marriage is more possible than they ever imagined humanly possible.
Marriage Counselors and Psychologists at Thriveworks Lynchburg Counseling
The marriage counselors at Thriveworks Lynchburg are true forerunners in the mental health field. In fact, marriage counselors from our team have been showcased in high quality and national publications encompassing the following: The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, Counseling Today, The Psychiatric Times, Prevention, and more.
More importantly, the team at Thriveworks Lynchburg are caring, experienced, and available to assist you and your spouse make sustainable progress to your marriage. More importantly, the team at Thriveworks Lynchburg are caring, experienced, and available to assist you and your spouse make sustainable progress to your marriage. One technique that they might use to help you is the Gottman Method. This involves identifying the needs of your relationship, improving your communication and conflict resolution skills, and more. We have several marriage counselors who have Level 1 Training in the Gottman Method and they would love nothing more than to incorporate it into your treatment, if you’re interested.
It’s no state secret that today nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce. Include in this the quantity of couples that end up in “emotional divorce.” With emotional divorce, you and your partner are still together — technically — but emotionally you couldn’t be more detached.
This shouldn’t shock us, as the hurdles marriages face today are staggering. Consider the following:
- Communication problems
- Unsettled or destructive arguments
- Parenting frictions and challenges
- Very painful Pasts (from before the marriage)
- Adultery / Extramarital relations
- Overloaded Schedules / Consistent High Stress
- Uncertainty About the Marriage’s Future …
Such are only a few of the prevalent factors that can result in serious matrimonial problems.
Do these issues sound recognizable to you? It’s clear that marriages today are ailing. It is not uncommon to open a magazine or daily nowadays and read a heading that conveys something about “The End of Marriage.” This, obviously, is a extreme hyperbole.
A Simple Marriage Counseling Activity
World-renowned writer and marriage researcher Dr. John Gottman has designed a basic, but reliable, technique referred to as “Love Banking.” When performed, love banking is among many activities that can assist couples, despite their marital troubles, develop trust and good energy within their relationships.
Here is the way it works: Think of the way your connection with your partner as possessing a bank account. That account could be either abundant with funds, or perhaps overdrawn. Every interaction and communication you have with your spouse is either a “deposit” or a “withdrawal.”.
Couples experiencing relationship difficulties frequently make a bunch of withdrawals. A withdrawal is any argument, demand, request, or criticism between you and your spouse.
If you state “Please shut off the garage light.” — That is a withdrawal.
When you say “Stand by one second, I’ll be there in a minute.” — That is a withdrawal.
If you point out “You constantly neglect to hang up your bath towel.” — That is a withdrawal.
These seem like simple declarations, don’t they? Make no mistake — and we’re not actually trying to be sensational — but they are definitely withdrawals. And we haven’t even started to discuss the arguments, put-downs, lies, infidelities, and severe problems marriages too often endure.
Without having deposits, withdrawals mean the same thing for your “marriage account” as they would for your banking account. It gets depleted … fast.
When your fiscal deposit account is empty, you start bouncing checks. When your emotional bank account is empty you feel irritated, lonesome, dreadful, and you believe that being near your spouse makes you psychologically worse than being alone.
Here’s the remedy. Dr. Gottman’s study exposes that your intimate relationship, to stay healthy (i.e., not overdrawn) has to have 5 deposits for each 1 withdrawal. That’s right, the distribution is 5-to-1. It might be tough to make that rate, primarily if you and your significant other haven’t been getting along … but it does the job.
You make a deposit whenever you convey love or caring for your spouse.
There are 5 ways you might do this:
Words of acceptance
- Acts of service
- High quality time
- Physical contact
They are each explained below.
Words of Acceptance
This particular love style uses words to build up the spouce. One way to communicate love is to encourage the other person. With persons who have this love style, even the littlest pronouncement goes a very long way. Whether spoken or in writing, the aim is that the other person feels affirmed.
This love style entails symbols of gratitude. Gifts (even low-cost ones) express to your partner that he/she is important and appreciated. It is not materialistic or selfish. In some cases thoughts about somebody are really best conveyed in a gift, a tangible reminder of being loved.
Acts of Service
This particular love style focuses on someone carrying out things that a different individual will enjoy. Even little acts count. Asking what might be done to assist a husband or wife or child, and then reacting to small requests, is a terrific way to start loving via acts of service.
High Quality of Time
Going to breakfast, settling on the love seat together, having a discussion, and taking a walk; the love style “high quality time” has to do with offering undistracted attention to another person. The endeavor that happens during the quality time is actually unimportant-focusing on the other person is what matters.
An embrace, a smooch, holding hands, and a hand on the shoulder are all statements of affection. As a love style, “physical contact has to do with sensitive, loving human contact. Both young and old, men and women can gain emotionally from loving personal touch.
It’s ideal for you to find out what way your spouse best accepts love and overdose him/her with that type of deposit (for instance, one spouse might love receiving gifts, whilst another may view gifts as “being paid off”).
The key though is to make certain you are providing 5 times the deposits than you are taking withdrawals. We teach this to each and every couple that comes to Thriveworks Lynchburg for marital relationship counseling, and we help clients to practice and perfect this exercise.
Your First Marriage Counseling Appointment Within 24 Hours
We want you to locate the assistance and healing your marriage needs. At Thriveworks Lynchburg, we have a “No Waiting List Policy” for marital therapy. They way we consider it, if you’re prepared to initiate a marriage counseling process, then we’re willing to make certain that we’re ready to offer you and your spouse an appointment ASAP.
Now accepting most major insurance plans.
We accept most insurance plans, and appointments are available within 24 hours.