How to Get More Out of Therapy, According to Therapists

The hard truth: simply showing up for your weekly therapy sessions isn’t enough to make meaningful progress and see real change. Doing the work requires you to sit with difficult feelings, get curious about longstanding patterns, and practice the skills and techniques that you learn in sessions.

Whether you’ve been in therapy for a month or a year, these tips from mental health professionals can help you get the most out of the time and effort you put into the process.

1. Express any and all emotions that come up.

“Therapists like to see you have emotions and not just talk about them,” says Hallie Kritsas, a licensed mental health counselor at Thriveworks. “If you’re upset and you need to cry, cry! If you feel like you need to yell or scream, tell us! We’re ready to help you honor and move with those feelings.”

Therapy is a safe space to practice expressing your emotions so you can become more comfortable doing so in other areas of your life. So don’t worry about holding back—your therapist has likely seen it all. Letting these emotions out in the moment can help you and your therapist better understand what you’re experiencing, giving you an opportunity to work through those feelings as they arise.

2. Give yourself a buffer of time before and after your sessions.

Ideally, you shouldn’t rush from one meeting into therapy and into another meeting. Even taking just five minutes before and after your session can make a difference so you can mentally shift in and out of therapy mode.

“Before your session, take a moment to think about what’s been happening in your week and what you’d like to discuss,” says Jami Dumler, a licensed clinical social worker and director of clinical programs at Thriveworks. “Afterward, give yourself time to process what came up and think about how you can put your goals into practice in your day-to-day life before your next visit,” she adds. You might want to jot down key points you touched on or any “homework” assignments your therapist gave you so you don’t forget before you move on with your day.

3. Look for a therapist who specializes in what you’re going through.

Therapists are trained to treat a wide range of mental health concerns, but if you have a specific issue, it can help to match the therapist to the problem, says Angela Schellenberg, a licensed mental health counselor.

“If you’re experiencing grief, go to a grief therapist. If you’re experiencing trauma, go to a trauma therapist. If you’re struggling with divorce, go to someone who specializes in that,” she says.

When looking for a therapist, feel free to ask them up front if they have any advanced training or experience with a specific condition or treatment approach.

4. Find the right fit for you, even if it takes time.

Don’t settle for the first therapist you see if they don’t feel like “the one” for you.

“Take your time finding a therapist that truly feels like a good fit,” says Madeline Weinfeld Shill, a licensed clinical social worker. “I believe the relationship is the foundation to all good therapy work, so investing time in finding a clinician who feels safe, comfortable, and approachable is so important.”

Research backs this up: A meta-analysis looking at over 30,000 patients found that a good therapeutic alliance (AKA the therapist-patient relationship) is linked to better treatment outcomes.

So, if after a few sessions you feel like you aren’t vibing with your therapist, don’t hesitate to try out a new one. For some people, it takes a couple of tries to find a clinician they really click with. You want to find a therapist who makes you feel completely seen, heard, and validated.

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5. Be willing to be wrong.

“People do not go to therapy because everything is ‘right’ in their life, but some refuse to take accountability or to change themselves,” says Jordan Bierbrauer, a licensed clinical social worker at Thriveworks. Self-reflection can be uncomfortable, but learning to recognize when your behavior might not have been the healthiest and why you acted that way is a crucial step in moving forward.

So try to stay open to seeing things from another perspective and acknowledging your mistakes without judgement. “To get the most out of therapy, people need to be willing to be wrong,” Bierbrauer says.

6. Consider what you’ve been minimizing—and bring it up anyway.

Many folks brush things off that they don’t feel are “important” enough, even when it’s something that’s truly bothering them.

“Try bringing these moments of temptation to minimize or dismiss into therapy,” says Bonnie Lambert, a board-certified psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner. “Saying, ‘This probably isn’t that important but…’ can be a way to uncover patterns that are more significant than you think they will be.”

Asking yourself why you feel like you need to minimize your feelings and unpacking this with your therapist can lead to growth and empowerment. You may discover that what you’ve been dismissing is connected to a larger pattern—like chronic people-pleasing or feeling uncomfortable taking up space.

7. Don’t censor yourself.

“Be honest—even when it’s uncomfortable, messy, or you think your therapist might not like the answer,” says Caitlin Opland, a licensed clinical social worker at Thriveworks. “Therapy works best when you’re not trying to be the ‘good client.’”

You don’t have to present a polished version of yourself or edit out what you think your therapist wouldn’t want to hear, even though it’s tempting. According to one study, 93 percent of adult psychotherapy patients reported lying to their therapist. Aim to be a part of the other 7 percent.

8. Write down things you’ll want to talk about in therapy when they happen.

If your mind tends to go blank whenever your therapist starts a session with “How was your week?” this one’s for you.

“Patients I work with find it effective to jot down things they want to talk about in session in their Notes App throughout the week,” says Geralyn Fortney, a licensed professional counselor with Thriveworks.

That vivid dream you had, the triggering conversation with your boss, and that difficult feeling that keeps resurfacing all count. Whether you write it in a physical journal or keep it in your phone, notes like this can give you a solid starting point for your sessions.

9. Actually do the homework.

“A lot of the real work happens between sessions, when you get a chance to practice what you’ve been talking about in therapy in your actual life,” says Matthew Baker, a licensed clinical social worker.

Think about it: an hour of therapy each week is a very small amount of time, Baker says. You can maximize your progress by using some of those other hours in the week to do therapy homework, whether that’s completing some worksheets (common for cognitive behavioral therapy), working on exposures (like in exposure and response prevention therapy for OCD), or practicing coping skills like deep breathing to ease your anxiety.

10. Take stock of your overall self-care outside of sessions.

Therapy isn’t a magic bullet that can override a week full of unhealthy habits. So if you’re not seeing progress in therapy, it’s worth looking at how else you’re tending to your overall well-being outside of sessions.

“Just pick one small thing to focus on each week that you can do consistently, like improving your sleep hygiene. That has a ripple effect over time,” says Laura Sandoval-Sweeney, a licensed clinical social worker supervisor. Maybe you want to go for more walks, limit your screen time, or be more mindful of your drinking.

“Training for a marathon takes weeks of small steps: nutrition, sleep, recovery, and the occasional hard run or setback before you hit your goal,” she says. “Therapy works the same way.”

11. Don’t wait until the last five minutes to bring up the big issues.

Of course, if you stumble upon a big breakthrough at the end of a session you can always return to it next time, but try not to sit on something for an hour just because you’re nervous to bring it up.

“The biggest pitfalls are hiding the messy parts out of shame or waiting until the last five minutes of a session to drop a bombshell,” says Alyssa Scolari, a licensed professional counselor.

It’s normal to feel nervous to bring up something that’s hard to talk about, especially if you’re new to therapy. If you’re struggling to say something, even telling your therapist, “I’m nervous to talk about this,” can be a helpful place to start.

“The best breakthroughs happen when you stop trying to manage your therapist’s perception of you and just let us see the real stuff,” Scolari adds.

12. Try to get comfortable with silence.

Yes, therapy involves a lot of talking, but quiet moments are important, too.

“Don’t rush to fill the silence. Notice the physical sensations that your body is experiencing, and what your body naturally wants to do with the silence,” says Cheryl Groskopf, a licensed marriage and family therapist.

“If three quiet seconds suddenly make you want to explain more, make a joke, change the subject, or check whether your therapist is upset, that’s useful information,” she adds. “A lot of the patterns you’re trying to change outside of therapy will eventually show up in the therapy room, too!”

13. Tell your therapist if something isn’t working for you.

Therapy is a collaborative process, so don’t be afraid to speak up if something feels off. “If you don’t like the approach being used, tell your therapist right away,” says Angela Armendariz, a licensed clinical social worker. “For example, if you know you are not going to follow through on the suggested homework because it is not your style, say something immediately.”

The same goes for if a particular technique they’re using doesn’t seem to be helping, or if it’s been a while and you feel like you aren’t making any progress.

“You are not going to hurt your therapist’s feelings. In fact, they will likely be grateful you were upfront so that they can switch approaches to be more useful to you,” Armendariz says. “No one technique or intervention is right for everyone. Therapy is more effective when you give your therapist feedback on the interventions that are right for you.”

14. Remember that progress takes time.

A pitfall some therapy-goers might experience is giving up before they’ve really given the process a chance to work, or expecting to see major change overnight.

“Be patient with yourself,” says Jared Burkett-Edskerud, a licensed professional counselor associate at Thriveworks. “You have been using your maladaptive skills for a long time, it’s going to take more than a few sessions to begin to build a new set of healthy coping skills.”

When you put in the work both in and out of session, the wait will be well worth it.

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