9 truly helpful things to say to someone with a mental illness (and 3 phrases to avoid)

There may come a time when someone with a mental health condition—like depression, anxiety, or PTSD—needs your help. While these conditions require proper treatment from a mental health professional, you can provide meaningful support through comfort, reassurance, and simply being present.

When a friend or family member says, “I’m feeling really depressed and alone” or “My anxiety is through the roof and it’s making life really hard,” knowing how to respond can feel overwhelming. This isn’t an easy situation, and you may need support yourself when a loved one is struggling. But if you want to offer the kind of help that truly matters, here’s where to start.

These are practical ways to stay connected, start meaningful conversations, and show someone you care—without saying the wrong thing.

9 Things to Say to Someone Struggling with Mental Health 

The right words can provide genuine comfort and remind someone they’re not alone. These phrases go beyond generic encouragement to offer real, meaningful support.

1. “I’m here to listen if you want to talk.”

When someone is struggling, it can feel impossible to bring up how they’re doing without seeming like a burden. Mental illness has a way of making emotions feel heavy, and talking about them can feel like shifting that weight onto someone else.

By letting someone know you genuinely want them to open up, you’re creating a safe space for vulnerability. You’re showing them the door is always open when they need support. Even if you don’t fully understand what they’re going through, being that listening ear or familiar presence can make all the difference.

You can also set gentle boundaries around when these conversations work best for you. If you’re feeling too drained for a deep talk, suggest doing something together instead. This way, you can still offer support even when you can’t dive deep.

2. “Would you like some company?”

Not everyone who’s struggling wants to talk about their feelings—and that’s OK. Some people just want to be around others without the pressure to explain or analyze what they’re going through.

Offer companionship with no strings attached: watching a movie, grabbing coffee, sitting with them during a doctor’s appointment, making dinner together, or just being in the same space. This simple gesture meets them exactly where they are, with no expectations or pressure.

Over time, they might feel more comfortable opening up, or they might just appreciate having someone who cares enough to simply be present. Both are valuable forms of support.

3. “I’ve been thinking about you.”

People struggling with mental health often feel incredibly alone. A simple check-in can feel like a lifeline, even if they don’t respond right away—or at all.

Depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges often create false, negative beliefs about ourselves and the people around us:

• “No one cares about me.”
• “I’m not important.”
• “I’m a burden to others.”
• “I don’t deserve love.”

These thoughts, called cognitive distortions, aren’t based in reality but feel absolutely true when you’re struggling. Reaching out to let someone know they’ve been on your mind helps counter these lies. It’s proof that they matter, that they’re remembered, and that they’re not as alone as their brain is telling them.

4. “You don’t have to be OK right now.”

Life doesn’t pause for mental health struggles. There are still bills to pay, work to do, family to care for. The pressure to “keep it together” can feel overwhelming, especially when there’s stigma around showing vulnerability.

But here’s the thing: You can’t heal what you don’t feel. Processing emotions—even the messy, uncomfortable ones—is the only way through them. If you notice someone trying to put on a brave face, let them know they don’t have to perform around you. They can show up however they are, with no judgment.

5. “You deserve peace and happiness.”

Mental health conditions often come with heavy stigma, making people feel broken, abnormal, or unworthy of good things. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Your friend’s mental health doesn’t define them or make them any less deserving of a fulfilling life. Sometimes it helps to put this in perspective: In any given year, about 1 in 5 American adults experience a diagnosable mental health condition. They’re part of a much larger community than they might realize.

Remind them that they deserve the same success, joy, and peace as anyone else. Coming from someone they trust, these words can help counter the shame and self-doubt that mental illness often brings.

6. “It’s OK to take things one day at a time.”

When you’re struggling with mental health, the future can feel impossibly overwhelming. The idea of “getting better” or figuring everything out can seem like climbing a mountain when you can barely take the next step.

Give them permission to shrink their focus. Not everything needs to be solved right now. Maybe all they need to figure out is this week, this day, or even this hour. Small, manageable steps toward healing are still progress—and often more sustainable than trying to tackle everything at once.

This approach takes the pressure off and makes recovery feel less daunting.

7. “Can I help you with groceries? Laundry? Anything specific?”

When someone is depressed, overwhelmed, or emotionally exhausted, basic life tasks can feel impossible. Things like eating, cleaning, paying bills, or even showering can pile up and create more stress.

Instead of asking the overwhelming question “What do you need?” offer something concrete. Can you bring dinner? Help with laundry? Sit with them while they make important phone calls? Drive them to an appointment?

By filling in the blank with specific options, you make it easier for them to say yes. They don’t have to think about what they need or worry about asking for too much—you’re already offering something manageable and concrete.

8. “What you’re feeling is real and valid.”

Mental health struggles often make people question whether their pain is legitimate. They might think they’re overreacting, being dramatic, or that their feelings don’t matter compared to what others are going through.

“Sometimes you just need to hear, ‘What you’re experiencing is real and valid, and you’re not crazy,'” says Alexandra Cromer, a licensed professional counselor at Thriveworks. “It’s important to help the person feel seen and validated.”

This validation can be incredibly powerful in combating the self-doubt and internalized shame that often accompany mental illness. When someone you trust confirms that your experience matters, it gives you permission to take your own healing seriously.

9. “I found some resources that might help. Want to look at them together?”

While your support matters enormously, you’re not expected to be someone’s therapist. Professional help—whether it’s counseling, support groups, or other resources—often provides the specialized guidance that friends and family simply can’t offer.

Ask if they’re open to exploring options together. You might help them research therapists, read reviews, make phone calls, or even drive them to appointments. The key is offering to do it with them, not for them.

Just make sure you approach this with sensitivity. If they’re not ready for professional help, that’s OK too. Your role is to plant the seed and offer support, not to push them into treatment they’re not ready for.

What Not to Say: 3 Well-Meaning Phrases That Can Do More Harm Than Good

Even with the best intentions, certain phrases can accidentally minimize someone’s experience or make them feel worse. Here are three common responses to avoid—and why they backfire.

1. “Other people have it worse.”

It’s tempting to try putting things in perspective when someone is struggling, but this approach almost always backfires. When you minimize someone’s pain by comparing it to others, you’re essentially telling them their feelings aren’t valid or justified.

“Telling someone that they ‘just need to work through it,’ that it’s all in their head, or that ‘other people have it worse’ can actually invalidate the person’s lived experience,” Cromer says.

Pain is pain, regardless of its source or intensity. Just because someone else might be struggling more doesn’t make your friend’s suffering any less real or important. This kind of comparison can also create guilt and shame, making someone feel bad for feeling bad.

Instead of trying to minimize their experience, meet them where they are with acceptance and support.

2. “I know exactly how you feel.”

While sharing your own experiences can sometimes be helpful, timing and approach matter enormously. When someone is being vulnerable with you, taking over the conversation to talk about yourself can make them feel unheard or unimportant.

Even if you’ve been through something similar, everyone’s experience with mental health is unique. What depression feels like for you might be completely different from what your friend is experiencing. Assuming you know “exactly” how they feel can come across as dismissive.

Instead of immediately jumping to your own story, focus on listening first. Ask questions, show genuine curiosity about their experience, and save your own stories for when they might actually be helpful—not when they shift the focus away from your friend.

3. “What do you need?”

This seems like a supportive question, but when someone is in crisis or barely functioning, making decisions can feel overwhelming. Their mental and emotional energy is already stretched thin; asking them to also figure out what kind of help they need adds another burden.

Think of it this way: If your arms are full and you’re approaching a door, would you rather someone ask “Which of these bags should I carry?” or just say “Let me get the door”? In a crisis, action often helps more than questions.

If you want to know how to best support them long-term, ask during a calmer moment when they have more bandwidth to think and respond. In the moment, it’s usually better to offer something specific and manageable.

The Bottom Line

Supporting someone through mental health struggles isn’t about having perfect words or fixing their problems. It’s about showing up consistently with empathy and understanding. The phrases and approaches in this guide can help you offer genuine comfort while avoiding common pitfalls that might inadvertently cause harm.

Remember that your role isn’t to be a therapist or to have all the answers. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply listen without judgment and remind someone they’re not alone. Small gestures—checking in regularly, offering specific help, or just being present—can make an enormous difference in someone’s healing journey. Also, make sure you take care of yourself while you’re taking care of them. While it’s good to be supportive and thoughtful, without proper boundaries, it can quickly turn into burnout if you take on too much.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or having thoughts of self-harm, don’t wait. Contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988, or reach out to emergency services right away.