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Divorce is hard. It means that an influential chapter of your life is ending and one of the most important people in your life won’t be there like they were.
“Divorce is hugely impactful in almost all aspects of our lives,” says Whitney McSparran, a licensed professional clinical counselor at Thriveworks. “It’s often incredibly emotionally fraught, even when it is mutually agreed upon and the healthiest choice for both parties.”
The decision to divorce can be difficult to come to, and even harder to think about how you can possibly move on afterward. But by investing in yourself through intentional self-care and growth, you can get through this and find your footing again.
Here are some tips for how you can prioritize your health, find joy in your day-to-day life, and get support from professionals and the people you love.
Getting Through a Divorce: Expert Tips from a Therapist
“As a society, we often view marriage as the foundation that our adult emotional, social, and economic well-being is built upon,” McSparran says. “Choosing to end that relationship inherently brings change that can be challenging to adapt to, even if those changes are ultimately positive.”
Many people experience feelings of shame, guilt, grief, sadness, or fear during and after a divorce. Even so, there are many ways you can inject positivity and self-love into your life as you process your divorce.
According to McSparran, “moving on after divorce requires a careful balance of reflection, connection, and future focus.” Here’s how to practice these three elements in daily life:
1. Reflection
Cutting ties with someone so close to you can leave you with complicated emotions that are difficult to process and overcome. Being aware of your emotions is the first step to working through them. Here are some helpful tools to start:
Practice mindfulness to stay grounded: Mindfulness helps you familiarize yourself and with cope with difficult emotions. There are many ways to practice it, but in essence, it involves being present in the moment and developing awareness of what you’re experiencing. “The goal is to keep your head where your feet are,” McSparran says, “meaning that your thoughts stay focused on the here and now—the life being built post-divorce.”
Talk through what you’re feeling: When reflecting on past experiences and emotions, verbalizing can be the easiest way to get the words out. Whether with a professional or a willing friend, talking through what’s happened can make emotional connections and patterns clearer and give you a chance to feel heard, understood and validated.
Journal to process privately: If you don’t feel like talking about what you’re going through just yet, you can write your thoughts down in a journal. Journaling is a private way to work through difficult feelings that can give you something to look back on as you process and grow.
Avoidance can seem like the easier route for dealing with emotions, but bottling them up instead of feeling them in the moment will allow them to continue to crop up in the future. Allow yourself to process the difficult emotions that arise during the divorce process and, as you’re able, sit with your discomfort. The goal isn’t to get rid of negative feelings like sadness, guilt, anger or loneliness. It’s to accept and cope with them in a healthy way.
2. Connection
To begin to heal, turn to your support network. It’s important to be mindful of your friends’ boundaries and emotional capacity, but if they are open to it, then tell them how you feel and listen to their words of encouragement. You may not even need to talk about the divorce directly—just the chance to hang out and have fun might be enough to give you the mental break that you need.
Building a Support Network
One issue that people might come across is navigating friendships post-divorce. Couples are often so integrated into each other’s friend groups and relationships that, after they separate, it can be a struggle to know who to reach out to.
Rebuilding your social networks can give you a sense of independence, confidence and support that will help you through this challenging time.
When you seek out activities that you enjoy, you will naturally find like-minded people. This can be based on hobbies, life situations or even a sense of humor. Divorce support groups, comedy clubs and craft classes are all great places to start.
Finding a group of people that you can relate to can add enrichment to your life. Forge some new relationships during your self-care activities and watch how it changes your perspective about life after divorce.
3. Future Focus
Use some of the time and energy you had been spending on your spouse and redirect it back toward yourself. Here’s how:
Reclaim activities you may have compromised on: Use some of the time and energy you had been spending on your spouse and redirect it toward things you enjoy. This might mean finally taking that pottery class, reconnecting with friends you drifted from, or simply watching the shows your ex never wanted to see. Get out of the house and create experiences that are entirely yours.
Schedule regular time alone to recharge: If social plans feel like too much, protect time for yourself—whether that’s a weekly evening where you’re off-limits for plans, a Saturday morning routine that’s just yours, or simply permission to say no when you’re not up for it. This isn’t about isolation; it’s about learning what you need and honoring that.
Build routines that support your recovery: Focus on the basics that make everything else easier: eating meals that nourish you, moving your body in ways that feel good and prioritizing sleep. These aren’t about perfection—doing them most days simply gives you the foundation you need to process what you’re going through.
If self-care habits are helping but just aren’t enough, then seek out the help of a therapist. Therapy professionals have assisted many people through relationships, heartbreak, and the struggles of divorce, and they can do the same for you.
How Therapy Can Help You Thrive Post-Divorce
Therapists who specialize in divorce understand that everyone’s experience is different and can tailor their approach to what you specifically need.
“When I’m supporting someone going through a divorce, my approach is simple: be present, listen, and encourage,” McSparran says. “My client may not respond positively every time or accept every invitation to share, but being present allows me to be a point of stability so that, when the time comes, we can process those challenges together. I also make sure to provide encouragement, reassuring them of their worth and a hopeful future.”
McSparran typically draws from cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, mindfulness-based interventions, and creative expression activities, depending on what resonates with each client. “Every individual experiences their marriage and divorce in a highly personal way, and their therapy experience and therapeutic goals should reflect that.”
Rebuilding Your Life After Divorce
Divorce can make it seem like everything in your life is falling apart, but despite all the difficult choices and uncomfortable change, you can reforge your life into something beautiful and fulfilling. By focusing on yourself and your needs and finding support and connection in those around you, you can start to re-center your life and find meaning in new ways. With the right support, you don’t have to travel this path alone.
