Ask a therapist: Jami Dumler, LCSW at Thriveworks

If you believe your teenager could benefit from therapy, bringing up the conversation now can make a real difference. Today’s teens face more stress than previous generations. According to a recent poll from the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), two out of three teens feel life is more overwhelming now than when parents were their age. Yet, less than half regularly talk with their parents about mental health, and even fewer talk about it with friends.

It’s completely normal for teens to push back against the idea of therapy—just like they do with so many things. If your teen resists, don’t lose hope. There are positive, effective ways to encourage your teenager to consider therapy.

Before diving into those strategies, it helps to understand why teens might resist therapy in the first place.

Understanding Teenage Resistance to Therapy

First, the good news: We’ve made significant progress over the past five to ten years. As a child therapist who is passionate about working with teens, I’ve seen more young people open to the idea of therapy. Still, some teens only attend because their parents insist on it.

Buy-in is crucial for anyone in therapy, but it’s especially important for teenagers. Every therapist has had sessions where a teen sits in silence for the entire 45 minutes. For therapy to truly help, your teen needs to be willing to participate. If you force them to go against their will, chances are the sessions won’t be productive.

Here are three tips I share with parents to help lay the groundwork:

1. Talk about what therapy is—and what it isn’t.

Let your teen know that going to therapy doesn’t mean there’s something “wrong” with them or that someone is trying to “fix” them. When I meet with a teen for the first time, I remind them that therapy is an hour where an adult is there just to listen—no distractions, no agenda, just space to vent and be heard. How often do they get that opportunity?

Therapy can also help teens develop coping skills, gain new perspectives, and learn how to handle challenges. Sometimes, we make sessions more engaging by using games, art, or even just sitting on the floor to make it feel less formal.

2. Normalize therapy.

If you’ve been to therapy and feel comfortable sharing, mention it. If a celebrity they admire has talked about therapy, bring it up. Remind them that they probably know someone—maybe even a friend—who has gone to therapy. In fact, about one in four teens have received mental health support. Knowing this can help your teen feel less alone and more open to the idea.

3. Help them see what’s in it for them.

Ask your teen, “If you gave therapy a try, what’s one thing you’d want to get out of it? Is there something in your life that feels tough right now that you’d like help with?” Focusing on their own goals and what matters to them can make therapy feel more relevant and give them a reason to try it out.

How to Talk to Your Teen About Therapy

When you’re hoping to get your teen’s buy-in for therapy, how you start the conversation matters. Here are some tips to help you approach it thoughtfully:

1. Choose the right time and place.

Pick a moment when you can have one-on-one time without distractions, and when you both feel calm. Side-by-side conversations—like while driving or taking a walk—can make tough topics feel less intense and more comfortable.

2. Be open to multiple conversations.

It’s perfectly OK if you don’t get through everything in one go. If the conversation gets heated or goes off track, take a break and revisit it later.

3. Lead with curiosity, not an agenda.

Your goal isn’t to convince your teen right away, but to understand their feelings and concerns. Approach the conversation with genuine curiosity about why they might be hesitant, rather than a “we’re doing this no matter what” attitude.

4. Practice reflective listening.

Give your teen space to share their thoughts. Ask open-ended questions, and really listen to what they say—rather than focusing on what you want to say next. This can make a big difference in how heard and respected they feel.

5. Avoid bribery.

If your teen is still resistant, try not to offer rewards or gifts for attending therapy. While it’s understandable to want to encourage them, true buy-in comes from their own willingness, not from external incentives.

Helping Your Teen Feel Comfortable With Therapy

If your teen is open—or even just a little curious—about therapy, involving them in the process can go a long way toward helping them feel empowered and at ease. Here’s how you can support them as they take this important step:

1. Let them choose the format.

Ask if they’d feel more comfortable with in-person or virtual therapy. Explain the differences, and reassure them that online therapy is safe and confidential—their privacy will be protected.

2. Research therapists together.

Browse therapist bios online as a team. Let your teen have a say in who they might feel most comfortable talking to.

3. Explore different therapy styles.

Therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all. Suggest options like art therapy, music therapy, equine (horse) therapy, or narrative therapy—especially if your teen has creative interests or unique strengths. Sometimes, starting with a method that matches their personality can make therapy feel less intimidating.

4. Talk about privacy and boundaries.

Explain your teen’s right to confidentiality. Let them know that, except in cases of serious safety concerns, what they share in therapy stays between them and their therapist. You can say something like, “I’ll get general updates about your progress and any safety concerns that come up, but your sessions are your own space. I trust you to make this process your own.”

5. Suggest a trial run.

Encourage your teen to try a session or two—no long-term commitment required. If it doesn’t feel like the right fit, you can look for another therapist together, or they can stop.

By giving your teen a voice in the process and reassuring them about what to expect, you help make therapy feel like a safe, supportive choice—rather than something being forced on them.

When to Consider Other Options

Not every teen will be excited about traditional talk therapy, and that’s OK. If your teen is hesitant, consider suggesting alternative approaches like art therapy or music therapy. 

You can also help your teen connect with another trusted adult, such as a teacher, school counselor, coach, or someone from your faith community. Sometimes, having support from someone outside the immediate family can be a valuable first step toward getting help.

If you’re ever concerned about self-harm or suicidal thoughts, it’s important to act quickly. Let your teen know that your top priority is their safety, and in these situations, they need to talk to someone right away. For immediate support in a mental health emergency, you can call, text, or chat with the 988 Lifeline—available 24/7, every day of the year.

Therapists Final Note

Let’s face it: Being a teenager isn’t easy. Therapy can offer your teen a safe, nonjudgmental space outside the family to talk and feel supported. Like anyone, your teen will get the most out of therapy when they’re willing participants—which is why their agreement matters so much more than being forced.

Approach the conversation with openness and understanding, rather than trying to convince or pressure them. Listen closely, talk honestly, and explore different therapy options—like art, music, or equine therapy—that might appeal to your teen’s interests.

And remember, if you ever have immediate concerns for your teen’s safety, reach out for help right away. The 988 Lifeline is available 24/7 for support.