Think about the plotline of most romantic comedies like When Harry Met Sally, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Sleepless in Seattle, Hitch, You’ve Got Mail, Love Actually, 27 Dresses, Enough Said, and countless more. The drama and the conflict are all in a couple finding each other.
The pursuit, the dating, and the coming together are filled with ups and downs, but all is well once they are together. The wedding is the finale. Two lovers have found each other, and now they can enjoy a lifetime of wedded bliss, right? Only in the movies—unfortunately, real life is not like the movies.
Life’s problems are rarely wrapped up neatly within a 2-hour screenplay, and many marriages continue to experience ups and downs—even after the wedding. It is normal for marriages to struggle. In fact, 40 percent of first marriages will end in divorce, and the rate goes up for second and third marriages.
Marriage is hard, and there are no easy ways to build a long-term relationship. However, there is help. More and more, spouses are reaching out for counseling when their relationship is experiencing difficulties. Marriage counseling has helped many spouses find a way forward toward a healthier relationship.
Sometimes, that means working through problems. Sometimes, that means pursuing an amicable divorce. Only the couple can decide, but marriage therapists can often facilitate the process.
“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together.
It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”
– Dave Meurer
The counselors and therapists at Thriveworks Counseling in Indianapolis, IN, have worked with many spouses, and we know that every marriage is flawed. We also know that many spouses want to make their marriage better, and we have helped them do just that through marriage counseling.
When Is the Right Time to Start Marriage Counseling?
When their marriage is facing difficulty, many people wonder whether now is the time to reach out for help. Deciding to start therapy is a personal decision, and in many ways, there is no right or wrong time to get started. In general, the longer problems go unaddressed, the more difficult and more widespread they can become. Here are a few examples of the challenges that have led others to pursue marriage therapy…
1) One or both spouses have cheated.
Trust is the bedrock of any healthy relationship, particularly a marriage, and cheating decimates trust. In some relationships, that trust can be restored. In other relationships, the best path forward is to part ways. In either case, a marriage therapist may help each spouse heal and move forward healthily.
An affair is the cardiac arrest of marriages. Just as people who have experienced heart trouble need to see a cardiologist, so many marriages who have experienced an affair may need to see a marriage counselor.
2) Arguments have become the norm.
Healthy couples fight. Spouses will disagree and differ and debate at times. Marriage experts have a ratio for judging whether arguments are at a healthy level or not. For every negative interaction, spouses should have five positive ones. They call this the golden ratio, and it acknowledges that negative interactions have more power than positive ones.
When couples fall below the ideal of 5:1, then their relationship may suffer. It may be time to go to marriage counseling. Many couples learn conflict resolution skills in marriage counseling that allow them to directly address a conflict and then move forward.
3) Arguments never happen.
If arguing too much is a problem, so is never arguing. The truth is that marriages consist of two individuals who have their own feelings, thoughts, and interests. When couples do not argue, it may be a sign that one spouse’s thoughts, feelings, and interests may be being pushed aside while the other’s is dominating.
When couples do not argue, it may also be a sign that conflict has escalated to the point where the couple is withdrawing from each other or stonewalling each other. In either case, marriage therapists can often help the spouses identify the underlying problem, work through it, and jumpstart healthy communication.
4) Each spouse wants to change the other.
When spouses are healthily interacting with each other, they accept each other for who they are in their weaknesses and strengths. When one or both spouses need to change, the motivation for that adjustment is internal—not from their partner. The trust is that no one can change another person, even though people try it all the time.
When spouses try to change each other, they introduce frustration, disappointment, and shame into the relationship. Marriage counselors often teach spouses how to take responsibility for their own growth instead of their spouse’s.
Appointments at Thriveworks Counseling in Indianapolis, IN for Marriage Therapy
If you and/or your spouse are ready to start marriage therapy, know that you are not alone in whatever circumstances you are facing. The counselors at Thriveworks Counseling in Indianapolis have worked with many spouses, and we are ready to work with you.
When you call our office to make an appointment, a scheduling specialist will answer and help you find a convenient appointment time. That first appointment may be the day following your call. Many new clients have their first appointment within 24 hours. We also take many types of insurance plans.
Let’s get started. Call Thriveworks in Indianapolis today.
