Think about some of the best romantic comedies that have ever been made: Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally, While You Were Sleeping, Hitch, You’ve Got Mail, Silver Linings Playbook. The main tension in these plotlines is how the couple comes together. They have to overcome living in different cities, dating the wrong people, mental illness, and past heart break to be together. Eventually, they find each other, and they have their happily-ever-after. Think about the famous ending of When Harry Met Sally when Harry professes his love, saying, “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” It’s a sweet and endearing storyline, but unfortunately, it is not many people’s real-life experience. For many spouses, their “rest of your life” is filled with turmoil, frustrations, and annoyances. Wedding vows often include a line about loving one another in “good times and bad” because most marriages have good times and bad. Conflict within a marriage is unavoidable, but there is help for navigating the difficulty. Many spouses are choosing to go to marriage therapy.
“A great marriage isn’t something that just happens;
it’s something that must be created.” —Fawn Weaver
Thriveworks Newark’s marriage counselors and therapists have worked with many spouses who want to create a better relationship. Often, they want to do better—they want to fall deeper in love, but they do not know how. Our counselors have guided many marriages toward a healthier, happier connection.
Is Now the Time to Start Marriage Counseling?
When spouses are experiencing difficulty in their marriage, they may wonder if now is the time to reach out for help and start marriage therapy. There is no formula for when spouses should start marriage counseling. It is a very personal journey and a very personal choice, but if you or your spouse is wondering if marriage therapy might help, that is a sign you may be ready. There is no right or wrong reason to reach out for help. A few of the reasons spouses have started marriage counseling at Thriveworks Newark include…
1) They Dislike Each Other. This is not something that spouses like to admit: even in healthy marriages, spouses may love each other, but they do not always like each other. Those feelings come and go in a happy marriage, but when feelings of dislike set in, it may be time to ask for help. The negative feelings are often fueled by some underlying issue: maybe a spouse made a reckless decision, cheated, lied, or more. Marriage therapists can often help spouses identifying the root cause of the tension and work through the problem. There are no guarantees. Sometimes, spouses decide the best way forward is to part ways. Whether the relationship can be repaired or not, marriage counselors can often guide the process toward a healthy resolution.
2) They Feel Apathetic toward Each Other. When the emotions rage, it is easy to see how fiery feelings can cause harm. However, when feelings completely subside, the ice can be just as harmful. Spouses may ignore each other’s concerns, needs, and feelings. Spouses may minimize problems or stonewall any attempt to move forward in the relationship. These actions can be intensely painful, and if apathy has become the relational norm, it may be time to reach out for help. Marriage therapists can often help spouses jumpstart healthy communication.
3) They Are Living Parallel Lives. Life is busy. Schedules fill up. Having a full calendar is not always a problem so long as spouses find time to connect. All too easily, intimacy and connection are the first things to go when schedules are packed. Often, the problem is not just about time—it is about an emotional distance. Marriage counselors often help spouses address intimacy issues and prioritize their connection so that they live busy but intertwined lives instead of parallel lives.
4) On-going Problems Are Escalating. Spouses are human beings so they will have flaws, and all spouses feel annoyed with one another from time to time. These little annoyances, however, can escalate. When small issues are getting big responses, it may be time to reach out for help. Escalation may be a sign that the marriage is facing deeper problems, and a marriage therapist can often help spouses figure out what is happening.
5) They Think Therapy Might Help. Therapy is often most effective when spouses are ready for it. If you and your spouse are open to making some changes… if you and your spouse are willing to look at your relationship honestly… then you may be ready to marriage therapy.
Scheduling Marriage Counseling Appointments at Thriveworks Newark
If you are struggling with your marriage, you are not alone. Many people struggle, and many people reach out for help. The marriage counselors at Thriveworks Newark Counseling are ready to meet with you, and we have appointments available. When you contact our office, you may be meeting with your therapist the following day. Many new clients have their first appointment within 24 hours of their first call. We do not put our clients on a waitlist, but we do offer weekend and evening sessions. Our therapists are also credentialed with many insurance companies which means we can accept many different insurance plans. Call today for a marriage counseling appointment.