How to raise emotionally healthy boys in the age of the manosphere and looksmaxxing

A brief primer on the manosphere and looksmaxxing

The manosphere generally refers to online communities and social influencers promoting a conservative and often harmful view of masculinity. It’s not a new concept: “men’s rights” groups have been around since the early 1960s, but the internet has boosted the concept’s popularity.

The term “manosphere,” a portmanteau of “man” and “blogosphere,” was coined by a blogger in 2009; the movement grew and gained influence in the 2010s with the rise of groups like Pick Up Artists and Involuntary Celibates (incels). These groups and the influencers at the forefront typically advocate dark, violent, misogynistic visions of masculinity that frame men as the victims of feminism and larger societal trends–like Andrew Tate, who was arrested in July 2026 on charges of rape and sex trafficking.

Looksmaxxing is a manosphere sub-community that seems to have grown in popularity thanks to TikTok and exploded into the public consciousness at the end of 2023, according to Google Trends. Looksmaxxing focuses on improving appearance to gain status. The most harmful versions promote dangerous strategies like extreme and punishing workout routines, unnecessary testosterone injections, and bone-smashing (physically breaking your own jaw in an attempt to reshape it), exemplified by the American influencer Braden Peters, a.k.a. “Clavicular.”

These trends are thriving at a moment when men feel simultaneously economically powerless and criticized for a “male privilege” they don’t feel applies to them, and are searching for ways—some toxic—to reclaim a sense of their traditional role as protector and provider. “Boys are receiving messages like, ‘You’re about to enter the world and it’s not made for you anymore,’” Dr. Stanaland says.

Why this content appeals to young men and boys

Adolescence is prime territory for manosphere and looksmaxxing content to take root. Kids and teens are actively figuring out who they are and where they belong, and puberty compounds that vulnerability: their brains are unusually receptive to new information, and hormonal shifts naturally pull them away from parents and toward peers.

That peer-focused shift can fuel a drive to accumulate status, explains Rebecca Owens, Ph.D., an evolutionary psychologist specializing in male psychology. And manosphere content offers a ready-made shortcut to status, identity, and belonging.

Dr. Stanaland’s research helps explain why some boys take the bait harder than others. There’s a concept called precarious manhood: the idea that masculinity isn’t something you simply have, but a status you must earn—and can therefore lose. Starting around puberty, some boys respond to this precariousness with aggression or sexism to reclaim it.

But this isn’t universal. Dr. Stanaland argues that the more outside pressure boys receive to conform to certain standards of masculinity, the more likely they are to respond aggressively. His 2024 study found that boys whose parents pushed “hegemonic masculinity” (dominance, aggression, stoicism) felt the most pressure and reacted most aggressively to threats to their masculinity. Boys whose parents modeled a lower-stakes version of masculinity—like being handy around the house—didn’t show the same pattern.

In other words: It’s not masculinity itself that’s the problem. It’s masculinity defined as something fragile, performative, and externally policed. The manosphere steps into that fragility and offers boys a clear (if toxic) rulebook for how to “win” at being a man—which is exactly what makes it so sticky for a kid who already feels like he’s being graded on it.

There are very real stakes to internalizing these beliefs. Dr. Stanaland points to research linking these narrow norms of masculinity in adolescence with problematic behaviors like using sexist and homophobic language, turning to physical violence, and engaging in sexual activity as early as middle school. When those beliefs persist into adulthood, it’s been linked to anxiety, aggression, and sexual assault.

Ashley Maxie-Moreman, Ph.D., a child psychologist at Children’s National Hospital, has seen significantly more exposure to looksmaxxing among the adolescents she treats and says these messages can seriously harm self-image, particularly in boys of color. Looksmaxxing often involves precise measurements of facial features like the size and length of your nose, the distance between your eyes, and the shape of your jaw. “If you’re a Black boy, you’re automatically excluded from this ideal image of what a boy or a man should look like,” she says.

For parents of teen boys: what to do right now

If your son is already quoting manosphere influencers, obsessing over his jaw, or changing how he talks about girls, it’s normal if your instinct is to respond with, “Why would you say something like that?” But Dr. Maxie-Moreman says that kind of response tends to shut kids and teens down, particularly if they’ve already started to internalize this ideology. Here’s what the experts suggest:

Get curious instead of immediately revoking their internet access.

It’s impossible to shield your child from every possible harm. And just because they’ve been exposed to an ideology doesn’t mean they’re buying into it. Sometimes kids repeat things they’ve heard to get a reaction or elicit your opinion. “We want to be exploring more early on before we are moving into action too quickly,” Dr. Maxie-Moreman says.

Dr. Owens admits she had her own knee-jerk reaction when her son came home at 14 years old saying Andrew Tate “isn’t so bad.” She then tried to listen, be curious, and keep the conversation going. Over time his interest eventually petered out. Now seven years later, she understands why Tate’s ideologies were appealing to teenage boys: He offered a vision of how to attain money, girls, and fame, even if his methods are appalling.

Try to get curious and suspend judgement at first. “Listen to their views,” Dr. Owens says. “The main thing to do is to not put down hard barriers, because it risks pushing them further away.”

Instead, try to respond neutrally, like, “Wow, I never heard you say that before. Tell me more.”

Reinforce your values.

Influencers gain influence by showing off a flashy lifestyle—beautiful girlfriends, expensive cars, tons of followers. But are materialistic status symbols really a good way to gain respect or measure a person’s worth? “Teenagers are notorious for not always connecting the dots about how they’re being sold an image,” says Evan Csir, licensed professional counselor at Thriveworks. “And a lot of them think this is what it means to be successful when there are a hundred different definitions for success.”

Ask your teen what it is about this content that appeals to them. What specifically do these influencers possess that make their lives so alluring? Think of this as an opportunity to talk about what they value and aspire to in this life, and what it realistically might take to get there. Share your own values and what you’ve learned over the years about what it means to build a meaningful life.

Encourage skepticism.

Teenagers often don’t think critically about the media they consume. Without guidance, they may not necessarily recognize that social media is a controlled environment where content is carefully curated by creators and not at all representative of their actual day-to-day life.

So encourage your son to think critically about the lifestyle an influencer is peddling. Sure, it’s important to live an active lifestyle, but is working out for hours a day and only eating protein realistic or even healthy? How would it feel to follow the influencer’s recommendations every day for the next month, let alone a whole year? How might this lifestyle impact their relationships?

”Sometimes seeing how others live can also help give us clarity. Like, ‘Oh, yeah, this may not be the healthiest. Totally don’t wanna live that way,’” Csir says. “Some teens will hear that. Other times you might have to have that conversation multiple times, reiterating: ‘Hey, I’m worried about you. This doesn’t seem healthy.’”

Reinforce the behaviors you want to see.

Even teenagers crave their parents’ attention and praise, so be sure to recognize when your child embodies values that you respect, like integrity, courage, and persistence.

”When we do that, kids internalize them and they show up in all of these other ways in their life, so when they’re exposed to this content, they might question why all of the focus should be on someone’s image or appearance as opposed to buying into it,” Dr. Maxie-Moreman says.

Try talking while moving.

Asking your teen to sit down for a serious talk might not be met with a ton of enthusiasm. Instead, try doing something together: Play a card game or video games, shoot hoops, build things. Boys and men often are used to bonding over activities—plus these are “prime opportunities to talk,” Csir says.

On that note, encourage extracurricular activities that help them build community with their peers, like sports, chess, debate team, etc. “Being able to work through those things with each other is really important,” Dr. Owens says.

Make regular chats part of your routine.

Consider dedicating 20 minutes every week to sharing an activity you both like—and one that offers you time to talk. Start with mundane topics, then eventually wade into the sensitive ones. “Talk about their feelings, the things that are bugging them, encouraging them to communicate in their own way,” Csir says. “You’re letting them have that space to process things.”

Talk about what “doing your research” really means.

When your teen has a question about something, take it as an opportunity to teach them how to use the internet to search for answers from reputable sources. “I hear a lot of kids saying, ‘Oh, I did my research because I was watching a bunch of TikTok videos,’” Dr. Maxie-Moreman says. “We want to teach kids OK, we can watch TikTok videos, but there are way more reputable sources that we can verify.”

Set your own social media limits.

There is no easy answer when it comes to social media access. It’s important to strike a balance between respecting a teenager’s burgeoning autonomy and keeping them safe. Limits are critical, especially with younger kids. But an overly-restrictive, blanket ban may become “a boundary that teenagers in particular are going to push,” says Dr. Owens.

For parents of young boys: building the right foundation

If you’re the parent of a young boy or preteen, you might be wondering what you can do to protect your child starting now, while you can still relatively easily restrict their media access. The following tips can help raise emotionally healthy boys who will be less susceptible to this content.

Avoid pushing gender stereotypes onto them.

If your son asks for a pink t-shirt, it’s OK to let him have it—just like it’s OK for him to like stereotypically male things. Every child has different interests, so as long as they’re harmless, try to go with the flow.

Enforcing strict gender roles “can lead to harmful outcomes,” Dr. Stanaland says. “It’s totally fine if a boy’s interested in math more than he is the humanities or whatever, but when you start prescribing those things and saying, ‘It’s bad or it’s weird for you to be into English even though you’re a boy,’ that’s when we get some of these harmful identity-based consequences.”

Promote your values.

Children are always looking for recognition and admiration that’s not solely tied to achievement. So praise boys for exhibiting values you respect, like kindness or expressing vulnerability and sharing their feelings.

Beth Schaal, a teacher in Sacramento, CA, noticed that her 10-year-old son became really fixated on wealth after watching videos by Mr. Beast. Though the popular YouTube influencer is known for giving away stacks of cash, Schaal sees him as somewhat of a “gateway” to the manosphere. “He’s very focused on glorifying wealth, which to me feels very manosphere-coded, where you’re telling boys that your worth is tied up in status.”

When her son began pointing out basic sports cars and calling them “Maseratis,” Schaal realized it was time to call it on Mr. Beast and reinforce their family’s values and why they don’t need more. “We have a safe home, we have cars that work, we always have food on the table, we can go to the doctor when we need to. We have lots of friends,” she says.

Talk about their heroes.

Even if your child doesn’t watch TV, he probably has favorite characters. For my son, it’s Spiderman. Csir suggests using this as a jumping off point to talk about positive masculine traits. Ask your child what they like: Is it because he’s acrobatic or is kind and looks out for everyone? Then ask how they can be a bit more like Spiderman. Be kinder to their friends? Speak up when they see someone isn’t treated well?

Call out toxic behavior when it comes up.

If your son overhears someone making a hateful or misogynistic comment, use it as an opportunity to reinforce your values. You could explain to them why the comment was hurtful or just plain incorrect, or even ask them how they would feel if someone said something like that about them. “They are internalizing these messages, because kids are always listening,” Dr. Maxie-Moreman says.

Give them permission to be vulnerable.

Encourage your son to express his emotions. You might say something like, “It’s OK to cry. You’re sad right now. Let’s do something that might help make us feel better,” Dr. Maxie-Moremon suggests. This validates their emotions while teaching coping skills. Or you might say, “That was brave of you to talk about how you were feeling anxious about that test,” instead of, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”

Model healthy emotional regulation.

You don’t want to burden your kids with your problems, but you can use tough situations to model coping skills in an age-appropriate way. For example, “I had a really hard day at work today so I might seem a little irritable, but I’m going to try not to be short with you.”

You can also show your kid how you care for yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed. For example, by explaining you need a few minutes alone in your bedroom to take deep breaths. “What children see is what they consider to be normal,” Csir says.

Scroll social media together.

Even before your child has their own social media account, Dr. Maxie-Moreman suggests browsing your own feed together. Ask questions that help them start to think critically about the messages they’re getting, like:

• Who do you think this influencer is trying to influence?
• What are they claiming to help people with?
• Are they trying to sell something?
• How does this content make you feel?
• What might happen if you followed this advice for the next five years of your life?

“The goal is not to instill fear. The goal is to just teach young people how to engage critically with the content they see,” Dr. Maxie-Moreman says.

The bigger picture: what boys need that they aren’t finding elsewhere

Despite what the manosphere and oft-repeated gender stereotypes will tell you, everyone can benefit from expressing their emotions, including boys. Unfortunately, “when they start to go through puberty, middle school, high school, they learn that that’s not acceptable,” Dr. Stanaland says.

As a result, these boys can grow up to be men who lack the emotional intelligence needed to meaningfully connect with each other, Csir says. “My clients have friends, but they’re not really talking to them.” And when the men in their lives don’t model emotional openness, the internet supplies a role model that’s appealing but often toxic.

That’s what makes these influencers so enticing to a generation of young men who feel genuinely disconnected. They promise confidence, community, and respect at the exact moment boys are trying to figure out who they want to be and where they fit in the world.

We can’t shield our sons from every toxic message they’ll encounter online. But we can out-compete it: praising them for who they are rather than what they achieve, talking about values that don’t hinge on fame or influence, and steering them toward real-world activities where friendship happens face to face.

There is a relatively happy ending to my story, at least for now. I explained to my son that leg crossing isn’t just for girls—more than once, because the topic resurfaced. It seems to have sunk in, since he’s happily gone back to his habit. Meanwhile, I recognized the importance of having these discussions early and often.