How to be more confident if you constantly struggle with self-doubt

What is confidence, anyway?

Self-confidence is your belief in your ability to handle things, whether that’s going to unfamiliar places, trying new activities, learning challenging skills, making decisions, speaking up, or coping when things don’t go perfectly, explains Tori-Lyn Mills, a licensed clinical professional counselor at Thriveworks. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is closely connected but broader: It’s how you see and feel about yourself overall (like believing that you are a good person who is worthy of love).

According to Alexandra Cromer, a licensed professional counselor at Thriveworks, self-confidence also tends to be more situation-specific, whereas self-esteem can color your outlook across the board. You might feel confident in your skills at work or certain hobbies, for example, but still struggle with insecurity in relationships or social situations.

It’s not always easy to measure our own self-confidence, but there some common signs that can point toward a lack of it:

• You experience a lot of decision paralysis because of your tendency to overthink and second-guess yourself
• You don’t often speak up because you assume your ideas aren’t worthy or important
• You apologize excessively, even when you didn’t do anything wrong
• You frequently seek reassurance before making even small decisions
• You avoid activities outside of your comfort zone and usually talk yourself out of opportunities

Most of us do all of the above every once in a while, but according to Cromer, the key is how much this interferes with your day-to-day life. It’s not uncommon to feel insecure in certain situations, but when self-doubt becomes chronic, it can start “bleeding over” into other parts of your life until you’re second-guessing or holding yourself back constantly. “Your immediate response becomes, ‘I don’t think I can do this,’” Mills says.

Why some people struggle with confidence more than others

Chronic self-doubt usually doesn’t come out of nowhere. In many cases, it develops from experiences that taught you to question yourself in the first place—often adverse early childhood experiences (like high-conflict homes, abuse, or bullying) or traumatic events later in life, explains Cromer.

Growing up around overly critical parents, caregivers, teachers, or peers, for example, can lead you to internalize the message that you aren’t good enough or that your judgment can’t be trusted. Likewise, your current environment—be it an unsupportive partner, harsh boss, judgy social circle, or just constant stress—can wear down your confidence over time.

While chronic self-doubt isn’t always a sign of a mental health diagnosis, Cromer says it can overlap with certain conditions. For instance, anxiety might make you overanalyze every interaction, while depression can reinforce negative beliefs about yourself. People with PTSD or ADHD, meanwhile, may struggle with confidence in the aftermath of trauma or after years of feeling judged or punished for not meeting expectations. And people with borderline personality disorder often struggle with an unstable self-image that can manifest as a severe lack of confidence.

All that said, self-doubt isn’t always a bad or pervasive thing. Research suggests that feeling less self-confident can actually lead to an increase in effort and performance. And even the most confident people struggle with doubt from time to time, says Cromer.

6 ways to start building more confidence

Working on your self-confidence isn’t about silencing every insecure thought in your head or becoming a whole new person. More often, Cromer says, it comes from slowly strengthening your belief in yourself over time. That means giving yourself plenty of opportunities to collect “proof” that you can handle and accomplish more than your self-doubt wants you to believe.

Patience and repetition are also key. “Replacing self-doubt with self-trust isn’t an overnight thing,” Mills says. “It’s a constant practice, and it’s often the small, seemingly meaningless baby steps that create real confidence.”

Here a few therapist-backed strategies you can try to do just that:

1. Start logging your wins.

When you struggle with self-doubt, it’s easy for your brain to fixate on what you did wrong while dismissing everything you handled well. According to Cromer, collecting concrete evidence of your competence over time can help you internalize the belief that you’ve got this. And yes, small wins count. “It can just be, ‘I wasn’t late to any meetings,’ or ‘I flossed my teeth today,’” she says.

Try this: Pick a low-effort way to keep track of your day-to-day victories. It can be a note on your phone, a list in your journal, a special “wins” notebook, or even in a group chat with friends who want to join you—whatever feels easiest. Then aim to jot down a few things each day or week.

2. Find what makes you feel capable.

Like we said, confidence isn’t a universal feeling—you might doubt yourself in some areas while feeling perfectly adept in others. Leaning into activities that make you feel self-assured can give you a boost when you’re down on yourself. “You’re giving your brain neurofeedback and reminding it, ‘Hey, I can actually do things,’” Cromer says.

Try this: Make a short “confidence menu” you can turn to when you’re spiraling or second-guessing yourself. Fill it with a few reliable activities that remind you of your skills, strengths, and values, whether that’s finishing a workout, cooking a familiar meal, making art, volunteering, or crushing a spreadsheet.

3. Put your self-doubt on trial.

Self-doubt often presents itself like an objective fact instead of what it usually is: a fear, assumption, or cognitive distortion. That’s when Mills whips out what she calls “cognitive court.” The idea is simple: Instead of believing every self-critical thought, pause and ask yourself what facts actually support it—and what might contradict it. If your brain says, “Nobody actually likes me,” or “I’m going to embarrass myself at this party,” can you genuinely prove that? Or is your anxiety filling in the blanks?

Try this: The next time an insecure thought hits, ask yourself: What’s the evidence for this? And what proof says otherwise? Even if you’re completely convinced, challenge yourself to come up with at least one example that suggests you’re more capable than your brain is giving you credit for—like the fact your friends keep inviting you out or that you’ve made it through plenty of social situations without humiliating yourself before.

4. Practice looking more confident (even if you don’t feel it yet).

A lot of people with low confidence unconsciously express it in how they carry themselves, Mills says. Maybe you hunch over, avoid eye contact, dress to blend in, speak quietly, or otherwise avoid drawing attention to yourself. According to Mills, faking confidence by trying to look and act the part—such as striking a Superman power-pose—won’t magically erase insecurity, but it can send the subconscious message to your brain that you’re capable of feeling self-assured.

Try this: Choose one physical way to practice “taking up a little more space or letting yourself shine” this week, suggests Mills. Stand up a little straighter on your walk to work, make eye contact when ordering your coffee, or actually wear the bold outfit or shoes you usually talk yourself out of.

5. Set small, achievable goals.

A sense of accomplishment can go a long way when you’re trying to build confidence, says Mills, and you might think you have to swing big to make a meaningful difference—overhaul your workout routine, master a new skill, find a friend group. But the harder a goal is to achieve, the more likely it will harm your confidence instead of strengthening it. According to Mills, you’re better off setting the bar low and showing yourself you can do it than aiming so high you wind up overwhelmed or discouraged. Think: going to the gym once a week, watching a beginner tutorial on YouTube, or inviting an acquaintance for coffee.

Try this: Brainstorm one thing you’ve been wanting to do but keep putting off because you lack the confidence. Then strip it down until it feels almost laughably manageable—and do that version this week.

6. Do one small, uncomfortable thing a week.

You might think of confidence as a prerequisite: Once you feel more confident, then you’ll be able to tackle that big, scary opportunity. But Mills says discomfort is part of building confidence. “You have to push yourself outside of your comfort zone and challenge yourself to try new things to prove you can,” she explains. Every time you do and survive, you have a little more evidence for boosting your confidence the next time around.

Try this: This week, go out of your way to do something that feels slightly uncomfortable. Maybe that’s going to an event alone for thirty minutes, sending the first text, or attending a beginner class. The assignment isn’t to nail it, just to do it.

How therapy can help you build confidence

If your self-doubt feels deeply ingrained, therapy is a solid place to unpack where it’s coming from and start changing the patterns that reinforce it, explains Cromer. That could look like unpacking childhood experiences, perfectionism, anxiety, past rejection, or the personal narratives you have about yourself. Therapy can also provide a space to practice skills that confidence requires in real life—speaking up, tolerating discomfort, and challenging negative self-talk.

Cromer notes that many different modalities can be helpful, but specifically points to cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), which can both teach you new ways of relating to your thoughts. If you want to explore how your past shaped your sense of self and how to rewrite that story moving forward, narrative therapy is another option.

Frequently asked questions (FAQs)

Is low confidence a mental health issue?

Low confidence is not automatically a mental health issue, but it can be connected to one. Chronic self-doubt often overlaps with conditions like anxiety, depression, PTSD, ADHD, and borderline personality disorder, all of which can affect the way someone views themselves and their abilities. For example, anxiety can cause constant overthinking and second-guessing, while depression may reinforce feelings of worthlessness. Trauma and early adverse experiences can also contribute to long-term confidence issues. That said, some people struggle with self-doubt because of specific relationships, environments, or life stressors rather than an underlying mental health condition.

Is it normal to feel confident sometimes and completely insecure other times?

Yes. Confidence is often situation-specific, which means it’s common to feel capable and self-assured in some areas of your life while struggling with self-doubt in others. For example, you might be a natural leader at work, but unsure of yourself in relationships, social situations, or unfamiliar environments, or vice versa. Self-doubt is also a normal human experience, not a sign of a total lack of confidence.

What is the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence?

Self-confidence is your belief in your ability to handle things, like trying something new, making decisions, speaking up, or getting through challenges. Self-esteem is broader and refers to how you see and feel about yourself overall. Confidence also tends to be more situation-specific—you can still feel confident at a particular skill when suffering low self-esteem, or struggle with self-doubt in a certain situation despite high self-esteem overall.

How do I stop overthinking and second-guessing myself?

You probably can’t stop overthinking or second-guessing yourself overnight, especially if self-doubt has been part of your inner dialogue for a long time. Instead of trying to eliminate every insecure thought, focus on slowly building more faith in yourself through action. That might look like challenging negative thought patterns, setting smaller goals, or trying things before you feel fully ready. Experts say confidence tends to grow through practice—the more you prove to yourself that you can handle discomfort, uncertainty, and mistakes, the less power self-doubt tends to have on your behavior.

Can therapy help with low self-confidence?

Yes. Therapy can help you understand where your self-doubt is coming from and change the underlying beliefs that keep reinforcing it. Therapy can also give you practical tools for building confidence, such as reframing self-critical thoughts, creating tangible wins, and practicing tolerating discomfort. Approaches like CBT, ACT, and narrative therapy are commonly used to work on self-confidence and self-doubt issues.