“Forgive yourself. Let it go. Forget about it. Move on.” They’re easy phrases to say, but so much harder to actually do. We all mess up sometimes, whether it’s lashing out at a friend, engaging in self-destructive behavior, or cutting corners at work. Those mistakes often come with overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, self-condemnation, or humiliation.

These emotions can lead to stress, anxiety disorders, and even heart disease if ignored. But if you can learn to forgive yourself and let go of the guilt, you can circumvent these negative effects and live better.

What Is Self-Forgiveness? 

Self-forgiveness is a deliberate decision to let go of negative emotions toward yourself. The negative emotions you might experience prior to forgiveness include guilt, shame, self-condemnation, depression, humiliation, as well as resentment or bitterness. Forgiveness plays a crucial role when it comes to letting go of guilt and moving on from what you did. By forgiving yourself, you can work toward freeing yourself from being stuck in the past. 

Why is Forgiving Yourself Important?

Letting go of guilt and forgiving yourself is important to your emotional well-being, as it can allow you to heal and move forward with your life. It can be a powerful way to foster a healthier mindset, release negativity, and focus on a more positive future. It also enables you to improve relationships with those closest to you.

Forgiving yourself is also important to your physical health. Dr. Frederic Luskin at Stanford University reports “People who learn to forgive report significantly fewer symptoms of stress such as backache, muscle tension, dizziness, headaches, and upset stomachs. In addition, people report improvements in appetite, sleep patterns, energy, and general well-being.”

7 Tips to Learn To Forgive Yourself and Deal with Guilt 

If you’re struggling to move past failures or find it difficult to let go of past mistakes and guilt, there are steps you can take to foster growth and healing. While learning to forgive yourself and release guilt is challenging, these tips can be a helpful starting point on your journey toward self-compassion and personal growth.

  1. Talk about it. When it comes to the past, silence can make things even harder to deal with. The weight of pretending and avoiding guilt is difficult to carry, and often not a sustainable practice in the long run. Set yourself from holding it all in and talk about what’s tearing you up inside. Express your emotions to a counselor, mentor, or friend you can trust. Forgiveness starts with being honest and vulnerable about who you are, the good and the bad, so say what you need to say and allow yourself to seek support.
  2. Be honest with yourself. It can be easy to think that the things we ignore might eventually go away. It sounds nice, but ultimately, it usually isn’t true. Acknowledging what happened and your part in it can be the first step to truly letting go. Be honest about how you’ve messed up and the consequences of your behavior. Journal out the specific behaviors and actions that are causing you angst.
  3. Develop realistic expectations for yourself. Evaluate the expectations you (and others) set for you. Are they healthy, or are they unrealistic? If you find yourself struggling to measure up—no matter how hard you try—you may need to adjust a few things in your approach to life. Healthy expectations are achievable and fulfilling, not draining and overwhelming.
  4. Accept it for what it is. As an imperfect person, you will make mistakes in life. You will hurt people sometimes. You will have regrets—it’s part of living in a less-than-perfect world. However, you have a choice. Either your past will keep you in a rut of guilt and shame, or you will accept what happened for what it is and experience the freedom to move on. Self-acceptance is critical to your emotional health, so don’t miss out!
  5. Make a deal with yourself. It’s time to make a deal with yourself to let go of the past and live in the present. Do what you can to make amends, but stop beating yourself up about something that has already happened. Keep guilt and shame from controlling your thoughts and behaviors and decide to accept and respect yourself as you are, despite your screw-ups.
  6. Learn from it. Forgiving yourself is important for your mental health, but you will only truly grow as a person if you learn from your past experiences and mistakes. When you are in a good place to leave your guilt or shame behind, consider the events that led to those feelings and try to come up with some takeaways so that it doesn’t happen again in the future. 

Why Is Self-Forgiveness So Hard?

Too often, people punish themselves for past mistakes, as if we could somehow “make up” the wrong that they’ve done by doing so. People walk through each day feeling less than, chained to the past, and letting the negative emotions we hold on to gnaw away at the joy and satisfaction life brings.

Oftentimes, the hardest person to forgive is yourself, but self-forgiveness is also incredibly important. The person capable of constantly inhibiting your life satisfaction and well-being is yourself. Showing yourself compassion is an integral part of feeling fulfilled and content in life, so try to give yourself the grace you might give others when you fall short or make a mistake.

The Bottom Line

Letting go of past mistakes and guilt is not just about moving on and forgiving yourself—it’s about embracing self-compassion and allowing yourself the grace to grow from your experiences. This journey of forgiveness is a powerful step toward healing and finding peace within yourself. If you are struggling to forgive yourself, consider seeking the support of a mental health professional who can help you overcome those feelings and move forward.