Shrinking’s therapists are kind of a mess—and that’s exactly what makes it worth watching

If you’ve seen the season 3 finale of “Shrinking”, you probably have a lot of feelings to process. (Heads up: some spoilers for season 3 ahead!) 

Despite being a show full of ethical violations in therapy, “Shrinking” has become one of the most honest portrayals of healing, community, and being human. The creators claim they interviewed 100 therapists over the course of developing the show in order to capture that “real life is stranger than fiction” sensibility. Which makes you wonder what actual therapists think of the show and if they can watch it without cringing.

It turns out they can, and they actually appreciate how it takes therapy (and therapists) off a pedestal. We spoke with a few Thriveworks providers to hear what they hope people take away from the series.

The show gets one big thing right: Healing is messy and nonlinear, even for licensed professionals

There’s a moment in the finale when Jimmy says to one of his clients, “Everybody has setbacks. If I’m honest, I still find myself right back to feeling alone, like everybody’s moving forward but me. So maybe we both agree to keep working on that.” It’s a scene that finally says the quiet part out loud: Even the experts with their names on the door are struggling, learning, and growing (sometimes in ways that seem frustratingly obvious to the people around them).

“I love that “Shrinking” demonstrates that healing is a unique process for everyone, and that it includes clinicians and clients alike on that winding road,” says Kate Hanselman, a board-certified psychiatric nurse practitioner with Thriveworks. In real life, we’re always going to encounter those curveballs that make us regress, and we might think we’re back to square one or the progress wasn’t real. “But actually that’s totally normal and serves as practice to self-correct and adjust along the way.”

Take Jimmy’s grief arc. “From the first season on, we see Jimmy grapple with his grief process in different ways, and it’s clear that his healing process is as variable, messy, and fulfilling as the clients he works with,” Hanselman says.

In practice, therapists see this nonlinear healing all the time. “Week to week looks so different with nearly all of my clients,” says Nicole Volpa, a licensed professional counselor at Thriveworks. It’s not uncommon to be completely on top of your coping skills one week and then sidelined by a breakup the next. But as we see in the show, finding your support system and being reminded of your tools can help you bounce back more quickly.

Gaby’s storyline this season also hits on this theme, as a therapist who helps people process loss and becomes undone by the loss of her patient Maya. We see Gaby grapple with doubt and guilt, questioning if she’s qualified to be a trauma therapist if she couldn’t see what was really going on with Maya.

“This situation was tough as a therapist,” says Hallie Kritsas, a licensed mental health counselor at Thriveworks. “It is true that we only know what our client tells us, but it’s also our job to think a bit ahead and ‘around’ what the client tells us and to think about whether there might be more going on,” she explains. And when loss happens, therapists often need a break too, she says. Because they’re human (something “Shrinking” has become very good at reminding us).

“It’s very refreshing to watch therapists have real-life issues and portray their emotions on screen,” says Kathryn Cross, a licensed professional counselor at Thriveworks. “A lot of people have the misconception that because therapists play a major role in transforming the lives of others, that means their own lives are ‘perfect’ or easily managed, which is far from the truth.”

“We’re all just humans trying to figure it out and learning along the way,” Hanselman adds.

What it’s really like to watch therapists behaving badly when you’re a therapist

Clearly, not everything is positive or realistic on the show, and there’s a lot of boundary crossing going on. Like Jimmy becoming overly involved in his clients’ lives or Gabby joining Maya at bar trivia.

These close relationships can give the wrong impression of the place a therapist has in our lives, making therapists look overly available, that emotional entanglements with clients are common or normal, and that therapists look for quick-and-dirty fixes to problems, Kritsas explains.

Then there’s “Jimmying”—the unconventional approach Jimmy takes with clients, which bears almost no resemblance to cognitive behavioral therapy. He has a very direct style that can be humorous and relatable, but also at times aggressive and wildly unethical. “The desire to be overly direct in session is so real,” Hanselman says. It’s not appropriate, though, she says. “It’s my job to support clients to find their own answers and paths, not to tell them what to do.”

Watching the consequences of “Jimmying” on clients (like when Grace “booped” her abusive husband off a cliff) brings this dramatically into light. “There are so many damages to ethics in the show, and that’s what makes it funny, because we know why we don’t or shouldn’t pursue those extra moments with each other. We can’t fix problems for them. They still need to do the work,” Volpa explains.

“It’s just validating to see that Jimmy, Paul, and Gaby are also flawed and imperfect individuals. Because that’s what we are at the end of the day. We’re people first and therapists second,” Kristas says. “While I make sure not to cross any lines ethically like these characters might, it’s also super important to me to be able to show up to my clients just as a human being.”

The takeaway if you’re considering therapy

One of the stand-out effects of “Shrinking” is that by leaning into the mess, “it does take therapy off of a pedestal in a sense,” Kritsas says. “I think that a lot of people assume that you go to therapy and ‘just get fixed.” In contrast, the series depicts therapy as approachable, not shameful, and something that doesn’t have to be mastered quickly. “The guidance of an unbiased person can make you feel relieved from the pressure you have in your personal life,” Cross adds.

So, despite all its ethical missteps, “Shrinking” may actually help destigmatize therapy. “Generally, I think any positive, humanizing portrayal of therapy is helpful because so many people haven’t actually seen the process firsthand,” Hanselman says. “A friendly, human look into the process can help people see that it’s just two people in a room figuring it out.”

Ultimately, the goal is to help their clients process and move forward—and knowing that it’s a universal struggle can be comforting. “We are real people too that want to connect with our clients and help, whether that takes a few sessions or a few years,” Kritsas says.

Just don’t expect your therapist to take you to an MMA gym or move you into their pool house.