8 non-awkward ways to make friends as an adult

It’s not just you—many adults are struggling to find their people

If you have fewer or less fulfilling friendships than you’d like, you’re not alone—data from the past couple of years have even led some to claim we’re in a friendship recession. In 2024, the Survey Center on American Life found that 17% of adults reported having no close friends (compared to 12% in 2021 and 3% in 1990). In the American Psychological Association’s latest Stress in America survey, half of adults reported feeling isolated, left out, or lacking in companionship.

Cwynar adds that the pandemic amplified this struggle for many people, noting that her recent clients often report feeling more closed off, anxious, or socially awkward. “I’ve spent a lot of time the past few years teaching adults how to make friends,” she says.

5 realistic ways to make friends

Before we dive into practical tips, let’s start with an important reminder: Just because something feels a little awkward, that doesn’t mean it’s something to avoid. “You might have to step outside of your comfort zone,” says Hallie Kritsas, a licensed mental health counselor at Thriveworks.

Having realistic goals is important too. While it’s valid to want to find your next best friend or chosen family in your search, screening for such deep connections at this juncture only adds unnecessary pressure, Cwynar says. You might even get discouraged and give up. Instead, she recommends focusing on meeting a variety of people and socializing in general. As she likes to tell her clients, “You’re dating around to find the people you actually want to be friends with.”

Here’s what that looks like:

1. Pick a group, any group

The next time you see a flyer or social media post calling all crafters, runners, bakers, or book lovers, go ahead and save it—then actually go. Sure, joining a group is probably advice you’ve heard a million times, but it endures for a reason. Whether it’s a sports league, a book club, or trivia night at the local bar, these types of hobby-based groups provide the consistent contact you need to build friendships, Kritsas says. Plus, you show up knowing you have at least one interest in common.

Kritsas adds that seeking out a niche group can further connect you with people who share important values, beliefs, or parts of your identity. For example, you might choose the choir at your church over the one at your community center, or the LGBTQ sports league over pickup games at the park.

Regardless of what you choose, having a reason to show up on a regular basis defuses the awkwardness. “The shared activity acts as a social lubricant, giving you something to talk about so the focus isn’t solely on you,” Cwynar says.

2. Experiment with different tools

So how exactly do you position yourself to meet tons of new potential friends? Fortunately, there is an increasing number of companies aiming to help people do just that.

Here are a few to check out (availability may vary depending on your location):

• Luma: This event management platform lets you search for experiences in your area by category (like wellness, games, tech, and books), as well as follow the calendars of specific clubs, businesses, and other communities to stay plugged in to upcoming events.
• Partiful: You might think of Partiful as a place to get invites from existing friends, but the explore page also curates other events by city, too.
• TimeLeft: This social app matches you with a small group of strangers for dinner, drinks, and runs based on a short quiz. A $19.99/month subscription is required in addition to individual event costs and covers unlimited monthly bookings.)
• BFF: Originally part of the Bumble dating app, this standalone friend-making platform has a similar swipe-and-match interface that connects you with other people looking for friends. You can also join local groups called Hives for more specific events and communities in your area.
• Meetup: Find both in-person and virtual events as well as curated experiences for people interested in making friends, like speed-friending, mixers, and parties.
• RealRoots: This women-only membership matches you with a small group of like-minded strangers for six weeks of community-building, from guided conversations and one-on-one “gal dates” to experiences like game nights, scavenger hunts, and bowling. After a $25 meet and greet with your group, a $289 membership covers the six-week series and a year of member events.
• Your social media platform of choice: Search for your neighborhood or city on apps like Instagram, Reddit, Facebook, and Threads to find accounts, subreddits, and groups to follow or join, from individual clubs you might be interested in to pages that roundup events based on location, hobby, identity, and more.

Remember, tech can make it easier to facilitate IRL interactions, but it’s only as useful as the effort and intention you put into it, Cwynar notes. That’s why it’s worth trying out different resources to find ones that suit your goals and preferences.

Finally, make sure to ask the people you meet for their recommendations, too. “So how’d you find out about this group?” can easily transition into, “Where else do you find things to do around here?” or “How do you meet people in the city?” The next best hang in your town might be hidden in a local newsletter, Facebook group, or on a bar bulletin board.

3. Become a regular somewhere

“Whether it’s the same coffee shop, dog park, or volunteer shift, showing up somewhere repeatedly allows people to recognize you,” Cwynar says. “Next thing you know they’re saying hi and chatting you up—familiarity breeds comfort.”

Even if you don’t wind up befriending fellow regulars or workers, you might develop some “fringeships,” a term coined by researchers for the beneficial relationships that exist somewhere between friendship and acquaintance. Like your work friends, they aren’t your strongest ties, but they can still round out your social life and boost feelings of connection.

4. Arrive to events early

You might think that showing up right on time or fashionably late to that social mixer or craft night will cut down on awkward “milling around alone” time. But Cwynar swears by showing up early and grabbing a seat at an empty table. “It’s a strategic spot, because someone is going to come in clutching their purse, wondering where to sit and who to talk to, and you can be the one to say, ‘Hey, this seat is open.’”

Arriving early also gives you the chance to say hi to the organizers of the event or the leaders of the group, who might facilitate further introductions or at least make you feel more comfortable, Kritsas adds. As captain of her intramural volleyball team, she even gets DMs ahead of meetups from potential new members, which helps her go out of her way to welcome them when they show up.

5. Have a go-to closer to swap contact information

When you meet someone you vibe with, Kritsas says you’ll eventually want to swap contact information so you can further investigate the possibility of friendship outside where you initially met, whether it was the community garden, the bus stop, or even online. But if the thought of initiating that exchange makes you sweat, you’re not alone.

That said, don’t overthink it. Cwynar and Kritsas recommend being straightforward and sprinkling in whatever context feels natural, such as:

• “It was great meeting you tonight. Is there a good way for us to stay in touch?”
• “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you at these meetups! Are you on Instagram?”
• “This was fun—want to swap info? I’ve been trying to meet more people who also like ____.”
• “It was good seeing you again—I’m heading out, but here’s my number if you ever want to grab a bite before a meeting sometime.”
• “I’d love to hear more about that ____ you mentioned—could I get your number?”
• “I didn’t realize you were in my city—I’d love to hang! DM me if you ever want to meet up.”
• “I hope this isn’t too random, but you seem really cool and I’d love to hang again. Can I give you my number?”

Some people might turn you down, or say yes in the moment but fail to follow up. Awkward? Potentially, but it doesn’t have to be.

“Embrace the awkward,” Cwynar says. “Being vulnerable often invites others to be vulnerable, too.”

How to turn that casual acquaintance into a friend

Once you meet an acquaintance you click with, it’s not always clear how to actually become friends with them. While there’s no magic formula for going from gym buddy to legit friend, there are a few steps you can take to move things in the right direction.

1. Follow up sooner rather than later

Go ahead and send that follow-up text shortly after swapping contact info, says Cwynar. At minimum, a personalized “nice meeting you!” message can keep the door open, while a concrete invitation keeps the momentum going. Even if you’ll see them at the next meeting, a random meme or a follow-up thought on something you talked about in the meantime reinforces the message that you’re trying to level up your friendship.

But if you drop the ball initially, don’t fret about it being too late. There’s nothing wrong with a quick text like, “Hey! I was just thinking about that event we met at. I meant to follow up sooner, but would you still want to hit up another one again sometime?”

2. Focus on being interested—not interesting

When getting to know someone, it’s easy to get stuck in your head, Cwynar says—worrying they won’t want to be your friend or wondering what they think about you. Understandable, but not necessarily helpful. “If you’re busy fighting negative self-talk and doing mental gymnastics, you’re not going to make a friend.” She adds you might even start acting unlike yourself in an effort to be more “interesting.”

Instead, focus on asking them questions to help learn more about them and their interests, Cwynar says. It helps shift focus away from yourself if you’re feeling awkward, and it’ll likely make the other person feel nice. “People love to talk about themselves.”

3. Be intentional and transparent

At any given time, Cwynar is usually in the process of “courting” a new friend, which she says involves pursuing them intentionally and communicating clearly. “Once I decide I want you to be my friend, it’s no secret,” she says. “I’m creative in my approach depending on the person, inviting them to something I think they’d like, but every time, I’m essentially saying, ‘Hey, I like you and want to spend some quality time together to maybe be friends.’”

She adds that part of that process is paying attention to social cues while also extending grace: Sometimes, “I’d love to, but I have plans!” is a soft no, while other times it’s genuine busyness. “I like to give people a few chances just in case.”

In the end, Cwynar says, it’s often a numbers game, just like dating. “Your people are out there—it might just take some time to find them.”