Grief, lost emotions, and feeling numb after a death: Why can’t I feel anything?

While there are five primary stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — they aren’t linear, and our grief processes are highly personal. Some people aren’t flooded with emotions after a major loss. At least, not at first. Instead, they feel nothing. Read on for more information on why you may experience emotional numbness after experiencing a loss and how to navigate the grief process.

Is It Normal to Feel Numb After a Death? Why Do I Have Lost Emotions?

Yes, feeling numb after a loss is normal and actually quite common. Research shows that emotional numbness is one of the most typical responses to grief. This response can occur regardless of whether the loss is from death, a loved one leaving (such as in divorce), or losing a home and belongings in a fire or natural disaster. 

Emotional numbness is often part of the initial grief process, particularly after sudden losses, as there may not have been time to mentally prepare. 

Feelings of guilt about emotional numbness can arise, but it’s crucial to avoid self-judgment and to approach this time with kindness and patience. Emotional numbness is a normal response, and, in most cases, these feelings will pass, allowing for a fuller range of emotions to surface over time.

How to Grieve When You Feel Emotionally Numb: 6 Tips

While it’s common to feel emotionally numb after a loss, it’s also essential to allow yourself to grieve—surrendering to the process and letting genuine emotions emerge when they’re ready.

Grief and loss bring on intense and surprising emotions that surface unexpectedly, especially after a period of numbness. Sometimes, staying emotionally numb feels safer, as facing our feelings can be daunting. However, avoiding emotions can hinder the healing process. Here are a few tips to help navigate grief:

1) Discover your true emotions.

Take some time to truly understand how you’re feeling after the loss. Be kind to yourself, and allow yourself to sit with your grief and emotions rather than pretend they are not there. Get re-acquainted with your emotions—one small step at a time.

2) Prioritize your well-being.

During this time, remember to prioritize your health and well-being. Take care of yourself, continue to eat, exercise and when possible, re-engage in activities that you’ve always enjoyed.

3) Acknowledge your grief and allow yourself to mourn.

Don’t shy away from grieving and mourning the loss. Doing so is important to healing and moving forward. Allow yourself time to grieve and mourn, and then force yourself to accept support from loved ones, even though you may not feel like it. Journaling can also be helpful.

4) Don’t shy away from spending a little time alone.

While it’s helpful to confide in loved ones and feel their support, it’s also important to spend time alone if you feel you need it. Isolation is not conducive to emotional healing, but you don’t have to immerse yourself all day with others if you prefer to be alone.

5) Consult a trusted individual when making big decisions.

Additionally, during this vulnerable time, you shouldn’t make big decisions without first discussing it with a trusted individual, as they can give you some helpful insight that isn’t influenced by grief. You may want to put off important or rash decisions—and if a big decision needs to be made, bring in trusted friends or family (or even professionals) to help you.

6) Talk to a grief counselor or other mental health professional.

Finally, don’t be afraid to seek out grief counseling. Find a mental health professional who works best for you to help you through the grieving process, especially if your mental health is suffering: If your grief is lasting a long time, and especially if it is interfering with your daily functioning, it is time to consult with a mental health professional to be assessed for clinical depression, as well as to begin to talk through your grief and begin the healing process.