“What you should never tell your therapist”: Why honesty is the best policy, and the truth about oversharing in therapy

5 Things to Never Tell Your Therapist

You should feel comfortable telling your therapist everything, but there are some things that may not be as useful to you or your growth in session. Here are some things to avoid saying and doing in therapy to get the most out of your sessions. 

1. Try not to tell your therapist lies.

Most therapists do not believe a client’s dishonesty in therapy indicates flaws in the client’s character. Instead, it’s often a sign of discomfort with the reality of their situation, which is fair—therapy gets into the grittiest parts of your life, and revealing those truths can be an uncomfortable or painful experience.

If you find yourself making dishonest statements in therapy, remind yourself of the goals you set out to achieve, like emotional growth or self-acceptance. Focus on telling your therapist, honestly, what you want to work towards.

2. Try not to tell your therapist only part of the story.

While it’s not always comfortable to give your therapist the full picture of a situation, feelings, or an experience—especially if it paints you in a bad light—providing those missing details will help your therapist understand you better and be better able to help you.

That’s why, to receive the appropriate support and guidance and to achieve the utmost personal growth, you should tell your therapist the whole truth.

Being honest with your therapist—and yourself—is the most important building block to emotional growth. Without a firm base of truth, the real issues will go unaddressed or may even be treated incorrectly, since the treatment is being based on false statements or claims.

3. Don’t tell your therapist details that are unrelated to you.

Some people have a tendency to overshare in therapy, go on tangents, or speak excessively about superficial details, like what they ate that day, celebrity gossip, or pop culture.

Often, going off on such tangents indicates something deeper, like discomfort with silence or deflecting to avoid digging into vulnerabilities. A good therapist will help clients understand why they are focused on mundane or superficial details and redirect the conversation to a more productive place.

4. Try not to downplay or exaggerate symptoms related to your mental health.

If you are experiencing symptoms of a previously diagnosed mental health condition, or if you are working with a therapist to try to learn if you have a mental health condition, it’s best to be as honest as you can about your symptoms and experiences. The more honest you can be about your symptoms, the more a therapist can guide you toward an accurate diagnosis and a healthcare provider who can help.

5. Don’t withhold information about your physical health, medications, or lifestyle.

This information can be very important to a therapist as your physical health and lifestyle can be intrinsically entwined with your mental health. Being honest about how you live and how you treat your body can help your therapist better understand you in a holistic way and help guide you toward growth and support. It’s also important to be honest with your therapist about any medications you are taking and if you experience symptoms related to those medications. A therapist can talk you through your experiences with medications and provide some input on how medications can potentially be adjusted in ways that make you feel better, physically and/or emotionally. They may also refer you to a psychiatric provider to assess if a change in your medications may be necessary.

Understanding Client-Therapist Confidentiality

Wondering what not to tell your therapist might stem from concerns about confidentiality. When speaking to a therapist, however, almost everything you say will remain private. 

Not only are therapists trained to keep your information and sessions confidential, but they are forbidden by law to share your details with third parties. In America, clients are protected by the laws and regulations of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (HIPAA). In Europe, clients are protected by the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR). 

Confidentiality protections are meant to help clients feel comfortable sharing their whole truth, knowing that nothing will leave the session. There are only a few instances in which a therapist might break confidentiality, including if a client gives written permission for them to do so. 

Can a Therapist Report You?

While therapists are legally obligated to maintain confidentiality of what a client discloses in therapy, there are times when confidentiality needs to be breached. All licensed professionals are mandated reporters and have the legal requirement to report suspected or known cases of abuse or neglect, as well as a duty to protect their clients from harming themselves and others. 

Instances in which a therapist may be legally required to break confidentiality with a client include: 

• If the client is a threat to themselves or others.
• If the therapist suspects child abuse, elder abuse, or abuse of a dependent adult.
• If they are legally required to comply with a court order.

Should You Tell Your Therapist the Truth?

Many people in therapy consider whether to tell their provider the full truth out of fear of the consequences, potentially including being prescribed medication, reported to child protective services (CPS), or referred to a mental hospital, among other options. 

These changes can be scary, but if your therapist or psychiatric provider believes that they are what’s best to help you, then they are likely the best course of action. However, if you doubt whether these actions are right for you, consider getting a second opinion from another mental health professional. 

Do I Have to Be Completely Honest With My Therapist?

No, you don’t need to feel obligated to be truthful in every way possible. For clarification, not being “completely honest” is not synonymous with dishonesty. If you want to be honest in a conversation with your mental health provider but are hesitant to talk about a certain subject, you can always inquire about the relevancy or purpose of their question, as well as notify the therapist of your level of comfort with the topic. Therapy is a long process—every step counts, and it’s okay to draw boundaries as you explore your mental health.

However, it’s not usually in one’s best interest to be dishonest with a therapist. This isn’t necessarily from a moral standpoint, but it will complicate your therapeutic process and potentially impede your progress in therapy. 

If you find yourself providing dishonest statements to your therapist, the best way forward is to find your courage and tell them what has happened. A good therapist will not shame you or be angry about your dishonesty, as people being dishonest in therapy is not rare. They will instead be glad you told them and help you confront what needs that dishonesty was trying to satisfy. 

Though therapy can be a time of great growth and self-acceptance, that growth doesn’t come easy. Being honest about yourself and your relationships can be hard, especially when acknowledging uncomfortable or depressing truths. 

Why Is It Hard to Be Honest to My Therapist?

Someone might find it hard to be honest with their mental health provider if they want to avoid discussing “negative” feelings like sadness or anger, being perceived negatively, or confronting the consequences that might result from telling the truth.

Another common occurrence is being untruthful due to a lack of awareness of one’s situation. There’s a difference, though, between finding it hard to be honest and not having realized the truth of one’s situation. Many feelings and truths can remain buried or overlooked within one’s mind until a mental health professional helps unearth them. 

Can I Ask My Therapist for a Hug?

It’s certainly okay, and definitely best, to ask for a hug, but it’s entirely possible to receive a “no” as an answer. Since a hug is a personal form of affection, it is up to the therapist whether they view it as a potential breach of professionalism in a therapeutic relationship or a helpful and comforting part of treatment. 

The probability of a therapist agreeing to a hug increases if it’s contextually appropriate. These unlikely situations are: 

• If it is relevant to your treatment goal or achievement of goals
• A termination of their services has occurred

Therapists may also be concerned that giving a client a hug may be misinterpreted as a sign of emotional closeness. Though mental health professionals want to help their clients, it’s important for them to keep an emotional distance between themselves and their clients.

The Bottom Line

The more you tell your therapist about your feelings and experiences, the more your therapist can understand you and support your growth process. A therapy setting is meant to be a judgment-free space where you can be as open and honest as you are comfortable being. While there are things you shouldn’t tell your therapist — like lies about yourself or others — a good therapist will hopefully help you explore the reasons you feel the need to lie in the first place. If you are seeking help from a therapist, check out our directory to get started.