What to know about dating someone with bipolar disorder: Offering support, empathy, and setting your limits

Is It Ok to Date Someone With Bipolar Disorder?

Unless their condition is causing noticeable dysfunction that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, it’s perfectly okay to date someone with bipolar disorder I or bipolar disorder II. Every person you date is likely to have different strengths and needs. That same logic goes for people with mental health conditions. 

If their condition is well-managed, you may not even know that they carry a diagnosis unless they choose to share that information with you. If all seems well, it’s important to check in with yourself: 

• Are you okay with dating someone with bipolar disorder? 
• Does their personality, habits, and communication style meet your needs?
• Do you feel safe and supported in the relationship? 

These are important questions to ask internally. Too often, it’s more tempting to focus on how someone’s diagnosis affects them, and not on how it makes you feel. If you feel okay about it, you can absolutely date someone with bipolar disorder.

What Is it Like Dating Someone With Bipolar Disorder I or II?

Dating someone with bipolar disorder can feel different from person to person and from relationship to relationship. It often depends on how well-managed a person’s bipolar disorder symptoms are. If they manage their bipolar symptoms well or their condition is in remission, you may not even know it. 

When dating someone with bipolar disorder, their symptoms may be negligible if they are: 

• Taking psychiatric medication to help regulate their mood and thoughts 
• They are able to express their emotions, even unpleasant feelings like anger and anxiety
• The consistently attend therapy 
• They practice self-care on a routine basis 

Loving someone with bipolar disorder can feel more challenging, however, if they are not managing their condition well or at all. For example, your partner may experience intense mood shifts, like manic and depressive episodes. Associated symptoms like restlessness and lack of sleep could impact your relationship and can make having a romantic connection and intimacy more difficult. 

For people who live with mental health challenges, the decision to talk about their condition is a big (and very personal) step, and can be challenging.  

However, it should be of some comfort to know that if they are talking with you about their bipolar diagnosis, it’s a good sign that they trust you and are doing it for the benefit of the relationship. 

In many cases, having that conversation is a sign of their commitment. If they bring it up, check in with them. Ask how you can help them cope with their diagnosis—you may not have to do anything differently than you would in any other relationship. 

How to Deal With Dating Someone With Bipolar Disorder If They Are Emotionally Unstable

Remember: A relationship shouldn’t constantly feel like you’re “dealing” with someone. However, dating someone with bipolar disorder that isn’t well-managed can be tough. You may be off-put by: 

• Unpredictable irritability
• Mood swings that you are unable to assist with
• Hurtful words or actions that leave you feeling disrespected
• Their self-destructive behavior during manic, hypomanic, or depressive episodes

If you’ve noticed these issues, have talked with your partner about them and nothing changes, or they won’t get help for themselves, it doesn’t mean you should change your boundaries. In these situations, you may need to take care of yourself first by prioritizing your well-being and putting space between you and the person. 

Regardless of whether you choose to leave or stay, if they’re having mental health struggles that impact yourself and the relationship that you’re in, it’s important to get help for yourself so that you don’t start to experience mental health issues as well.

What Does Someone with Bipolar Disorder Need in a Relationship?

Learning how to date someone with bipolar disorder will first require you to learn about their specific experience with it and their personal needs. When dating someone with bipolar disorder, they may have different needs than someone who doesn’t. For example, they may have to regularly touch base with a mental health provider, take medication, limit their substance use (including alcohol and caffeine), and adjust their sleep schedule.

What they might need from you as their partner also depends on their attachment styles in intimate relationships. Are they anxiously attached? Avoidant? Disorganized? Their unique needs will vary based on past relationships, family history, and what they’re looking for in a partner. While dating someone with bipolar disorder, here are a few ways you can offer care and support: 

• Learn about bipolar disorder. There is a wealth of resources you can access to learn more about bipolar disorder. The more you know, the better partner you can be to your loved one. Educating yourself on bipolar disorder can also signal to your partner that you are taking a special interest in them, which is a loving and supportive act. 
• Be curious about their specific experience with bipolar disorder. Ask them what kind of bipolar symptoms they experience and how it has impacted them in relationships. Ask what it feels like to them when they have mood swings, for example, and what you can do to support them through an episode. 
• Ask about their treatment plan and if/how you can help. Your partner likely has a specialized treatment plan, whether it’s taking medication, speaking to a therapist, or a combination of approaches. Ask your partner if they need help maintaining their treatment plan, and if so, what you can do. For example, they may request you remind them to take medications or help them track symptoms. 
• Be available for open communication. Dating someone with bipolar disorder can mean that you’ll have to be extra transparent and communicative. Hold space to check in on how you and your partner are doing as a couple, but also how you are doing as a couple impacted by bipolar disorder. Communicate about symptoms, treatment plans, and if and how you can best support one another. 
• Take things slower and be patient. It can benefit you and your partner to take things slow in terms of commitment and steps in the relationship. As you learn more about how your partner’s bipolar disorder affects them and/or your relationship, you can make more informed decisions on how to move forward in the relationship. It can also take time for your partner to get into a stable and consistent treatment plan.  
• Give them time alone to process how they feel. When someone has bipolar disorder, they may need a lot of space and time to understand and process their symptoms, medication, treatment, or just everyday feelings about being in the relationship. Be patient with your partner with bipolar disorder. 
• Provide reassurance that you aren’t judging them for their diagnosis (be truthful). Let your partner know that their diagnosis does not define them and that you care about them because of who they are. Be honest with them if and how their bipolar disorder might impact you, but clarify that you are not judging them for the diagnosis. Instead, you are communicating your needs and experience in the relationship. 
• Be sure to communicate your own needs and to take care of yourself. Your needs are just as important as your partner’s. Be sure you express how your partner can best support you, and what you need to be happy in the relationship. Consider seeking out support from friends or family, a therapist, or a support group of others who are also in relationships with partners with bipolar disorder.

Does Bipolar Disorder Affect Intimacy?

Dating someone with bipolar disorder I or II may mean that both physical and emotional intimacy are affected within the relationship. Manic, hypomanic, and depressive episodes may cause a reduction in sexual desire at times. 

If someone is feeling depressed, their mood is probably low, their self-esteem is lowered, and they’re fatigued, which can have a negative impact on their sexual activity or desire. But in hypomanic or manic states, someone’s libido may actually increase, sometimes dramatically. For some partners, this might be fun, but for others it can feel or be distressful, threatening, or unsafe. 

A couple’s sex life can also be affected by medication side effects. Some antidepressants can lower libido and decrease sex drive.

On the other hand, emotional intimacy can be challenging while dating someone with bipolar disorder because their subjective experience of the relationship and the world around them can often shift without treatment. This can be surprising because you may not be able to follow the shift in their emotional states.

Why Are Relationships Hard for People with Bipolar Disorder?

Being in a relationship with someone who is bipolar can be difficult because the individual carrying the diagnosis already knows their condition is stigmatized. They might be worried about telling a partner (or potential partner) that they have it, and could be worried about how it will affect their connection. 

Natural stressors experienced in many relationships can also trigger bipolar disorder, including: 

• Arguments
• Jealousy
• Lying
• Financial stress
• Low sexual satisfaction

It can be truly difficult to form a meaningful relationship when someone has bipolar disorder I or II. Dating someone with bipolar disorder could mean they constantly second-guess their decisions about being in the relationship.

Bipolar has been synonymous with someone reacting angrily to something, and that’s not necessarily accurate. Bipolar disorder has been popularized in modern culture to be used as an insult against those who are often justifiably angry. 

Bipolar disorder is a neurochemical condition that causes episodic mood swings. Just because your partner is angry or depressed doesn’t mean they have bipolar. They could be affected by their poor communication skills (or yours), past trauma, or something else unknown. Don’t gaslight them by dismissing their feelings—and avoid accusing them of having a mental illness if you don’t know.

The Bottom Line

While dating someone with bipolar disorder can be hard at times, it can also be fulfilling when approached with empathy, understanding, and clear communication. Your partner’s needs and behaviors may change based on their mental health, but if they manage their bipolar disorder well, it can also have minimal impact on the relationship. 

If you’re wondering how to date someone with bipolar disorder, remember that patience, support, and setting healthy boundaries are key. Ultimately, the success of the relationship depends on mutual respect and a willingness to navigate the unique dynamics together. If you and/or your partner need help navigating the relationship, it can be a good idea to seek the support of a mental health professional.