I keep being told to “feel my feelings.” What does that actually mean?

If someone has told you to “feel your feelings,” but you’re sitting there thinking “What does that even mean?” you’re not alone. I get this question from clients all the time.

Here’s why it matters: The alternative is bottling everything up, and that never ends well.

Your emotions don’t just disappear when you ignore them. They pile up. Then one day you find yourself losing it over something small—snapping at your partner, having a complete meltdown when your coffee order is wrong, or shutting down entirely when someone asks how you’re doing. This stuff shows up in your body too: headaches, muscle tension, insomnia, even getting sick more often.

So yeah, learning to actually feel your feelings isn’t just therapy-speak. It’s practical survival stuff.

What “Feeling Your Feelings” Actually Means

“Feeling your feelings” means getting curious about what’s happening inside you instead of immediately trying to fix it, avoid it, or push through it. It’s about noticing and naming what you’re experiencing so you can actually move through it instead of getting stuck.

I know it sounds like something from a kids’ show, but here’s the thing: emotions aren’t optional extras. They drive everything: how motivated you feel, how you make decisions, how you connect with people, even how you learn new things. When you’re out of touch with them, you’re flying blind.

Why Ignoring Your Feelings Backfires Every Time

Emotions are like water: They’ll always find a way out. Bottle them up and you get what I call the “rebound effect.” That frustration you swallowed last week? It’s coming back stronger, usually at the worst possible moment.

I’ve seen clients explode at their kids over spilled juice when they’re actually angry about feeling unappreciated at work. Or they’ll have a complete breakdown in the grocery store because someone bumped their cart—but really they’ve been carrying months of grief they never processed.

The physical toll is real too. That chronic stress from constantly stuffing feelings down? It weakens your immune system, creates muscle tension, messes with your sleep, and can contribute to depression and anxiety. Some people turn to alcohol or other substances just to numb out because feeling nothing seems easier than feeling everything.

Why This Is So Hard for So Many People

If you struggle with this, there’s probably a good reason. Many of us learned early that our emotions weren’t welcome. Maybe you heard messages like:

• “You’re being too sensitive” or “You’re overreacting”
• “Stop crying” or “There’s nothing to cry about”
• “Don’t be so dramatic”
• “Just think positive thoughts”
• “You’re making a big deal out of nothing”
• “Why can’t you be more like your sister/brother?”

When you spend years getting the message that your emotions are inconvenient, wrong, or dangerous, of course it feels foreign to actually pay attention to them. That survival mechanism served you then—it just doesn’t serve you now.

How to Actually Start Feeling Your Feelings

This isn’t about wallowing or letting emotions control your life. It’s about developing emotional awareness so you can respond instead of just react. Here’s what I’ve seen help:

1. Pause before you do anything else.

When something hits you emotionally, resist the urge to immediately fix, escape, or push through. Take three deep breaths. Create just a tiny bit of space between the feeling and your reaction.

2. Get specific about what you’re feeling.

Instead of “I feel bad,” try “I’m frustrated because my manager dismissed my idea in front of everyone” or “I’m sad because my friend canceled on me again, and I’m wondering if they actually want to spend time with me.”

3. Notice what’s happening in your body.

Your jaw might clench when you’re annoyed. Your chest might feel tight when you’re anxious. Your stomach might drop when you’re disappointed. These physical sensations are actually your emotions talking—learn to listen.

4. Drop the judgment.

There are no “good” or “bad” emotions. Anger isn’t wrong; it often tells you something important about your boundaries. Sadness isn’t weakness; it helps you process loss and change. All emotions carry information.

5. Let it move through you like a wave.

This is one of my favorite images to share with clients. If you try to stop a wave, you’ll get tumbled around and exhausted. But if you let it carry you, it will crest and then gently bring you back to shore. Emotions work the same way. They peak and then naturally subside if you don’t fight them.

6. Write it out when you’re stuck.

Stream-of-consciousness journaling can help you untangle what you’re actually feeling. Don’t edit yourself—just dump it all on paper. Then read it back and ask: What is this emotion trying to tell me? What do I need right now?

Sometimes this process reveals that you need to have a difficult conversation, set a boundary, or make a change. The emotion was pointing you toward something important.

7. Consider therapy if you’re really stuck.

If you feel completely numb, overwhelmed by emotions, or like you’re cycling through the same patterns repeatedly, a therapist can help. We’re trained to help people who’ve been disconnected from their emotions for years learn to feel safe again.

The Real Point of All This

“Feeling your feelings” isn’t about becoming an emotional mess. It’s about treating your emotions like the valuable information they are. When you can tune into what you’re actually experiencing, you can make better decisions, communicate more clearly, and stop carrying around all that emotional baggage.

Think of emotions as your internal GPS system. You can ignore it and keep driving in circles, or you can pay attention and actually get where you want to go. Your choice.