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We all want to feel like we belong, whether it’s with friends, family, or coworkers. But since everyone’s brain, personality, and quirks are unique, there’s no single “right” way to fit in. But sometimes we find ourselves toning down or hiding parts of who we are to blend in more easily. This is known as masking.
Masking, or social camouflaging, means concealing or suppressing your natural behaviors—almost like putting on a mask—to avoid standing out. Maybe you force yourself to make eye contact, suppress a habit like fidgeting, or even change the way you speak (known as “code switching”), all in the name of fitting in.
While anyone might mask from time to time, it’s especially common for people with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or anxiety, explains Caitlin Opland, a licensed clinical social worker at Thriveworks. “It’s really a protective strategy to avoid judgment, but in the long run, it can be emotionally and physically exhausting.”
In this article, we’ll explore what masking is, the different ways it shows up, its impact on mental health, and how you can begin to unmask and embrace your authentic self.
What Is Masking?
Masking is when you change how you act or speak to hide your true personality or natural tendencies. The aim is to cover up traits you think might be judged as “flaws,” so you can blend in and avoid stigma.
Masking can be intentional or completely unconscious, says Marilisa Morea, PsyD, clinical psychologist and owner of Monarch Therapy and Wellness Center in Thornhill, Ontario. “Some people may not even realize they’re doing it, because it’s become so habitual for them,” she explains.
So, how is masking different from simply adapting to different social situations? It all comes down to motivation. Masking behavior is an effort to avoid feelings of judgement, Morea says. For instance, you might adjust your behavior at work to follow company rules and avoid getting in trouble—that’s just practical. Masking, though, is driven by anxiety or worry about how your authentic self will be received. It’s not just about following rules; it’s about feeling like something about you isn’t acceptable. The thoughts behind masking often sound like: “I don’t trust myself or my judgment. I’m worried I’ll be judged. If I don’t act a certain way, I won’t fit in, and people will think I’m weird.”
Masking can show up in both what you say and what you do, Opland says. You might rehearse what you’re going to say over and over, or say something you don’t really mean because you think it’s what others want to hear. Physically, it could look like sitting on your hands or shoving them under your armpits to stop yourself from fidgeting, even when you’re dying to move.
Types of Masking
Masking always involves hiding some part of yourself, but what you’re concealing can vary. Generally, masking falls into a few main categories: social masking, emotional masking, identity masking, and neurodivergent masking, which includes both autistic and ADHD masking. It’s important to remember that anyone who feels different or worries about being judged can engage in masking, regardless of whether they’re neurotypical, neurodivergent, or have any mental health diagnosis.
Social Masking
Social masking describes mimicking social cues and engaging in certain behaviors to fit in or seem more likable, while hiding actions that might be considered inappropriate or outside the norm. This can happen in any social setting, including work, school, or with friends and family.
What social masking might look like:
- Forcing or avoiding eye contact
- Using a rehearsed script during conversations
- Changing your tone of voice (e.g., a man might use a deeper voice in certain situations)
- Laughing at jokes you don’t actually find funny
Morea notes that, “Many people adopt a work persona, and we see this with kids in school, too.”
You might come home from work feeling drained after pretending to be someone else all day, or a kid might fall apart once they get home after holding it together at school.
Emotional Masking
Emotional masking involves hiding how you really feel because you’re worried about being judged for your true emotions. For example, you might fake happiness or force a smile around your family to avoid the backlash that could come from showing you’re upset or unhappy.
What emotional masking might look like:
- Pretending to be OK when you’re struggling inside
- Hiding feelings of sadness, anxiety, or anger
- Overanalyzing or rehearsing conversations to avoid conflict
- Putting on a “strong” or “high-functioning” persona to cover up struggles
Emotional masking is common among people with anxiety and depression, Opland says. And it can disconnect you from your true wants and needs, ultimately amplifying these mood disorders.
“Suppressing the real emotions you have can feel really draining for someone with depression,” she says. And if you’re not aware that you’re masking depression, you can play into that persona of being high functioning or super strong and fall into a cycle of taking on more than you can handle, leading to burnout. Masking anxiety can similarly lead you to overanalyze or rehearse conversations, leaving you drained and fueling fears of inadequacy and self-doubt.
Emotional masking can also stem from trauma. “I see this a lot,” Morea says. “It tends to manifest as people-pleasing tendencies: Someone has a history of trauma, and they become conflict-avoidant to make sure life runs smoothly for them.” Constantly putting others first in this way often means ignoring your own needs and desires.
Autistic Masking
Autistic masking is a strategy that people with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) may use to appear non-autistic. This often means mimicking the social cues or behaviors of others and suppressing self-stimulating behaviors—also known as “stimming”—like lip biting, rocking back and forth, or humming.
What autistic masking might look like:
- Copying facial expressions, gestures, or tone of voice to fit in
- Hiding or stopping stimming behaviors in public
- Forcing yourself to follow social rules that don’t come naturally
- Rehearsing conversations or social interactions in advance
This behavior often begins in childhood, when people with autism start noticing social norms and realizing their own tendencies may not align, Morea says. “As kids, you’re trying to learn what the rules are, and it’s a lot harder with autism,” she explains.
Negative feedback during this time can lead to “grooming” yourself to act a certain way around specific people or in certain settings. “It’s almost a trauma response,” Morea says. “Maybe you don’t have a lot of friends or you often get bullied, and then something clicks and you think, ‘If I act this way, I get this response,’” which prompts masking behaviors.
ADHD Masking
ADHD masking is a common strategy where people with ADHD try to hide or minimize traits like hyperactivity, impulsivity, and disorganization to better fit in with others. This can also involve concealing stimming behaviors such as fidgeting, humming, or leg bouncing that help them self-soothe and navigate life with ADHD.
What ADHD masking might look like:
- Suppressing fidgeting or stimming behaviors (like tapping, rocking, or humming)
- Overcompensating with organization, lists, or alarms to avoid appearing forgetful or distracted
- Mimicking others’ behaviors in social settings
- Holding in energy or urges to move, trying to appear calm
- Staying silent in conversations or being extra cautious with words
- Over-preparing or double-checking work to mask inattentiveness
- Arriving early or setting multiple reminders to avoid being late
Experts note that, similar to autistic masking, ADHD masking often begins in response to early experiences of feeling different or judged. If someone with ADHD notices that their behaviors stand out or are criticized (say, interrupting someone because you don’t want to forget what you have to say), they may go out of their way to hide them to avoid negative attention or judgment (biting your tongue to stay quiet in conversations).
Identity Masking
Identity masking involves hiding a key part of who you are—like your cultural background, religious practices, sexuality, or gender—out of fear of judgment or backlash. For some, this masking is a way to protect themselves from discrimination, rejection, or even potential violence.
What identity masking might look like:
- Hiding your language or accent in public
- Avoiding discussions about your religion or cultural practices
- Pretending to be straight or concealing your sexuality
- Hiding your gender identity because you don’t feel safe being yourself
Often, people feel comfortable unmasking around certain trusted individuals but not others. For example, Morea notes that someone might freely participate in their culture at home with family but feel the need to mask when with peers. “It’s all about trying to fit in with dominant cultural norms,” she says.
The Effects of Masking on Mental Health
Is masking bad for you? While it can help you get through social situations, masking isn’t harmless, Opland says. Over time, it can chip away at your sense of self and take a real toll on your mental health. In some cases, masking can even make mood disorders worse.
“At the end of the day, changing yourself to fit in really destroys your self-esteem,” Morea says. Over time, this can impact many different aspects of your mental well-being. Some of the most notable effects of masking include:
1. Mental Fatigue
“Masking is exhausting,” Morea says. “It makes you feel like you’re in the spotlight all day every day.” Because the ‘rules’ keep changing depending on the situation, trying to keep up is draining. “This creates a lot of negative emotions and increases stress levels, because you feel like you’re always on. So you come home and crash and feel like you need to recharge that battery.” Chronic masking fatigue can seriously affect your ability to function day-to-day.
2. Anxiety and Depression
“With masking, we see an increase in anxiety, perfectionism, social anxiety, and self-doubt,” Morea says. “Research has also shown there is an even greater risk of suicidal thoughts with people with ASD.” A review published in Research in Autism notes there is a consistent association between masking in autistic adults and increased suicide risk, though more research is needed on the topic.
3. Isolation
Masking can make it really hard to form authentic connections, leading to feelings of isolation and a lack of belonging. “Even when you’re surrounded by people, having to fake blending in or not feeling like you fit where you really want to be is incredibly isolating,” Opland says. “You do it to be accepted, but you’re still not being accepted for who you really are.”
4. Loss of Identity
Opland sees this often in professional settings. “Whether it’s attorneys, nurses, firefighters, accountants, or just parents, masking creates a loss of identity,” she says. “Boundaries definitely become blurred, and it makes it so that you can’t figure out what your needs are compared to this role.”
Recognizing Signs of Masking
Noticing when you—or someone else—is masking is the first step toward breaking the habit and feeling more comfortable showing your true self.
Start by tuning into what triggers you to feel anxious or change your behavior. These triggers could be certain situations, places, or even specific people. “It can help to compare how you feel and act with one group versus another group,” Morea suggests. You may notice that your thoughts, stress levels, or behaviors shift depending on who you’re with.
“If you’re going to work on it, you need to know what your triggers are and what groups you feel safer and less comfortable with,” she adds. Opland recommends keeping a journal or list of your triggers so you can spot patterns and prepare for situations that prompt masking.
Beyond triggers, there are also some common signs that you might be masking—many of which we’ve mentioned before. These include:
- Forcing or avoiding eye contact
- Changing how you speak, such as your tone of voice or accent
- Mimicking other people’s facial expressions
- Laughing at jokes you don’t actually find funny because it seems like the right response
- Concealing stimming behaviors (like putting your hands under your armpits to stop yourself from picking your nails)
- Planning out conversations in advance and sticking to a script
- Suppressing the urge to flinch or react when touched
- Holding back from sharing your interests or opinions out of fear of judgment
Paying attention to these signs can help you recognize when you’re slipping into masking and empower you to start making changes, one step at a time.
How to Stop Masking and Live Authentically: 6 Expert Tips
So, you’ve realized you tend to mask in certain situations. Now what? The good news is, experts say it’s absolutely possible to start unmasking and feel more confident sharing your true self with the world. It won’t happen overnight, but the journey toward living authentically is worth every step.
Below, Opland and Morea share their top tips to help you stop masking and embrace your real self:
1. Question your “shoulds.”
Morea suggests asking yourself, “Why do I feel I can’t act this way? Have I trained myself to fear judgment? Am I really going to be judged, and if so, what’s the worst that could happen?” This can help you remember that masking is usually a reaction to fear. Often, the thing you’re afraid of doesn’t even happen, and if it does, it’s rarely as bad as you imagine.
2. Find your safe people.
Start unmasking around people you trust and who accept you as you are. Notice their reactions. “This way, you can slowly dabble in [showing your true self] and see what happens when you don’t mask all the time,” Morea says. Building confidence in safe spaces makes it easier to be authentic elsewhere.
3. Start small.
You’re not going to undo years of conditioning in one social outing. Like breaking any habit, it takes time. Try “sprinkling” bits of your authentic self into conversations with people you trust. For example, practice saying what you really think or feel—even if it’s just a little at first. The more you do this, the easier it will become to be genuine.
4. Celebrate every win.
No victory is too small. Maybe you shared a personal story in a meeting or let your real laugh out with a friend. Acknowledge it! Even if it didn’t go perfectly, you took a step toward authenticity, and that’s worth celebrating.
5. Show yourself compassion.
It’s easy to feel frustrated or guilty about masking, but remember: you did it to protect yourself. “It’s one of those things you have learned to survive, and you had to do that to feel safe in that moment,” Opland says. Give yourself grace, and don’t be afraid to set boundaries or say no to situations where you don’t feel comfortable being yourself.
6. Work with a therapist.
If unmasking feels overwhelming, a therapist can help you dig into why you mask and create a plan to start unmasking in ways that feel safe and manageable.
Masking: The TL;DR
“The take-home message here is really that we want people to be their authentic selves, but also want it to feel safe for them,” Morea says. Finding that balance is key: Look for moments where you can safely take small steps to show your true self, and remind yourself that being authentic rarely leads to the worst-case scenario you might fear.
Ultimately, surrounding yourself with people who genuinely love and accept you for who you are will boost your self-esteem and well-being far more than trying to fit into someone else’s mold. Give yourself permission to be real, because you deserve to feel comfortable just being you.
