How to Forgive Yourself: Letting Go of Past Regrets

How to Forgive Yourself? Let it go. Forget about it. Move on. Forgive yourself. It’s easy to say, but so much harder to actually do! We all mess up sometimes, whether it’s lashing out at a friend, engaging in a self-destructive behavior, or cutting corners at work.

And with those mistakes often come overwhelming feelings of guilt. Shame. Self-condemnation. Humiliation. Counselors and life coaches have found that these emotions can lead to stress, depression, anxiety disorders, and even heart disease if ignored.[1] Not exactly the formula for a happy life!

Forgive. We’ve all heard the word before, but what does it mean? And why is it so important?

Dr. Frederick Luskin at Standford University reports that “learning to forgive helps people hurt less, experience less anger, feel less stress and suffer less depression. People who learn to forgive report significantly fewer symptoms of stress such as backache, muscle tension, dizziness, headaches and upset stomachs. In addition people report improvements in appetite, sleep patterns, energy and general well being.”[2]

If self-forgiveness is such a good thing, why is it so hard?

Too often, we punish ourselves for past mistakes, as if we could somehow “make up” the wrong that we’ve done. We walk through each day feeling less-than. We call ourselves losers. No good. We live chained to our past, holding on to hurts and grudges. And though no one else may know about our secret pain, the negative emotions we feel gnaw away at our joy and satisfaction in life.

Counselors and life coaches report that the hardest person to forgive is yourself. Not the friend who backstabbed you. Or the dad that wasn’t there for you. Or even the ex who broke your heart. Why? Because you know yourself and you live with yourself every day. Go figure.

If you feel stuck in the rut of your past failures, try these tips for embracing forgiveness:

Talk about it. When it comes to the past, silence can be deadly. So stop pretending. Free yourself from the bondage of holding it all in. Talk about what’s tearing you apart inside. Express the emotions you feel to a counselor, mentor, or friend you can trust. Forgiveness starts with being honest and vulnerable about who you are…the good and the bad. So say what you need to say.

Be honest with yourself. “If I just pretend it never happened, maybe it will all go away,” we tend to think. Sounds nice…but not true. Choose to break out of denial. Be honest about how you’ve messed up and the consequences of your behavior. Journal out the specific behaviors and actions that are causing you angst.

Accept it for what it is. As an imperfect person, you will make mistakes in life. Face it. You will hurt people sometimes. Youwill have regrets. It’s part of living in a less-than-perfect world. But you have a choice. Either your past will keep you in a rut of guilt and shame…or you will accept it for what it is and experience the freedom to move on and enjoy the now. Self-acceptance is critical to your emotional health…so don’t miss out.

Let go. Don’t hold on to guilt. You don’t need to justify your past actions or try to prove yourself. Letting go of the past means burying it and giving up your right to engage in self-condemnation. Forgiveness is a choice, but also a process. It’s choosing to stop hating yourself and cutting yourself down, but instead, seeing yourself as a valuable human being.

One of the first steps of letting go, is to just get it out there. Please feel free to use the form below to let it go, or apologize for something that has been on your chest for years. You can use an anonymous name (and the email will NEVER be shown).  Your post will be added to the wall below. It’s okay. You can let go.

You can let go… Here




Develop realistic expectations. Evaluate the expectations you (and others) set for you. Are they healthy? Or unrealistic? If you find yourself never being able to measure up—no matter how hard you try—you may just need to change a few things in your approach to life. Healthy expectations are achievable and fulfilling, not draining and overwhelming.

Forgiving yourself is tough. It means striking a deal with yourself…

  • to let the past be past and live in the present
  • to stop beating yourself up about something that happened two or five or ten years ago
  • to banish guilt and shame from controlling your thoughts and behaviors
  • to accept and respect yourself as you are…in spite of your screw-ups

Counselors and life coaches tell us that “to forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”[3]

Tired of living as a prisoner?

Notes:

[1]Dr. Frederick Luskin, Research from Standford University, learningtoforgive.com/

[2]Ibid.

[3]Lewis B. Smedes

Interested in scheduling an appointment for counseling? Or maybe you just have some questions? We’d love to hear from you.

As always, if you need to speak to a counselor, give us a call and we can offer you a free 10 minute phone consultation (1-855-2-THRIVE).
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Comments

  1. Anonon says

    I lied. To the only friends I had. I lied for so long. Whenever I tried to think of ways to get out of it – I only dug myself in deeper. I claimed I was something I wasn’t, and that I could be anyone. It has haunted me for years.

  2. Guy says

    Earlier I evily lashed out on my little brother he is ten it all started after my stress and anger level went over the amount I could take I was angry and feeling evil I felt like killing our 3 month old puppy I was choking him then I was holding his head down on the bed he started crying and I enjoyed it a little then my little brother said stop and I got more angry then a commercial came on and said dogs are like family then my little brother said that I got angrier and said yeah your family to and I forcefully to the dogs flee collar off and forced it on my little brother and he was crying I wanted to hit him and strangle him with the collar he kept crying then our grandma came out and I stopped I felt like that wasn’t me like a demon or devil took over my mind and body I feel so sad and I just want to die now I never choked him tho I wanted to but I don’t now or ever have wanted to

  3. Extraterrestrial says

    i feel that yes maybe you should have felt some type of way for losing your virginity to such a jerkoff, but at the end of the day there is nothing that you can do to fix the situation but forgive yourself for doing so and then just move on from it. With your current boyfriend, i do not think that you should have told him that he should have sex with another girl because i feel then that he is just going to use you. Telling him that he should have sex with another girl was an act off of you emotions and that is why you guys are constantly arguing with one another. he should feel good that you told him in the first place that you lost your virginity and that you didnt wait until it was too late. he should have accepted the fact and moved on from it so that things could be better for the both of yall.

  4. Extraterrestrial says

    i need to let go of my actions of infidelity.
    in another state i had sex with someone else and i thought that instead of lying to my ex i would change that and actually tell the truth of what i did in hopes that we could work through it together and move on. i feel that it was naive of me to think such a thing and to feel that after i messed up and realized that i should not have done that that everything would be okay. which it is not.
    he wants me to basically cut off all social connections with any other male and to do everything that he says and to only talk to him. I thought that it would be good for me to do that because id be punishing myself for making such a terrible action. i thought that if i did these things that in the end we could work something out. but then again that is not the case. he just wants me to be miserable and then happy when i talk to him; he wants me all to himself just for a friend ship and nothing else.
    im stuck because i really do love him but at then end of the day he wants nothing to do with me. should i continue with him or just make the hard decision of finally letting go and trying to move on and enjoy the now?

  5. akp says

    i am broke.. somewhat because of my parents inaction toward life and work. i couldnt get much of what i wanted like things which i wanted to do in life which i knew will make me a good man and somewhere wise too. but because of my financial problem i couldnt get anywhere. because i was facing family problems my girlfriend broke up saying iam immmatured and broke and im not good for her.. but i knew hat if she would be with me i will do something great in life and prove to myself that i am worth all the struggles.. iam going through daily. i had sex with her at very early age which i am guilty of, beacuse i had sex with her because i thought she would be with me forever. now iam so guilty and regretting my action. that girl would marry someone else and have kid. it hurt so deep that i couldn’t say these thing to my friends beacuse i will kill me from inside.. 3 years i was with her and felt she was all. beacuse i am a lone child no brother no cousins, nothing.. just me and my mom dad. one day when i brought my girlfriend to my house and had sex with her some people of my town made a vedio of us by sneeking through the window.. it made me so mad and fearfull that i did not come out of house of shame for 6 to 8 months.. they all smiled at me. i felt from inside that what i did was wrong i shouldnt have brought her to my house. this incident changed the whole life of mine. i became very bad person in front of my parents and girlfriend. if that incident wouldnt had happend i would be happy and going on with my life. my gf went to another state to study and because i was left alone in my city…. i became fearfull of all the people who did that to me and started gettting more dependend on my girlfriend.. i used to cry on phone and call her regularly she got angry and frustrated and broke up. my life is so messed up that if i get a chance to clear my mistake i would do everything. my 12 standard exams went bad because this incidednt happed just 7 months before my exam. i was very good in studies but somewhere i knew that i am going in a wrong direction with this sex and love thing. which ended with that incident. now today when i wake up everyday in this same town where the incident happened i feel to run a away i feel like i lost all my happiness here. and with all these there are so many strugels daily i am facing. my parents fight and all. i am just so very upset….

  6. sona says

    Now a day i am facing stress, depression because of my mistakes….
    I had a relationship with a guy we used to talk on phone we never meet i am 23 years old my parents wants me to get married so i said him to send proposal but he said that he is not established to get married…. i started doing a job my mom is not happy with my job she thoughts no one will marry me if i will do job and my some relatives used to brain wash of my mom that no one likes working women’s so i was very much upset and i had pressure… and a guy to whom i only used to talk on phone we never meet each other we both love each other, he do not use to give me proper time he called me only twice a month or sometimes only once at month…. so one day i resigned from my job so a unknown guy called me and said that he knows me and he likes me and he is interested in me as i was already under-pressure i believes on his words as i love to be independent and wants to do something for myself in my career life so that unknown guy said me I’ll get u the job and he makes me jack! actually he was only playing with me and using me… and the back story is that unknown guy used to do a job in my dad’s office so he was terminated because of his actions so i personally feels he takes revenge for that…! he touched me and un-dressed me i don’t know why and how i lose myself i was crying and really i don’t wants this to happen but unfortunately i can’t stop him even i was crying and feeling that this should not happen and it’s not good…. but we do not do any sexual thing or intercourse he always force me to do intercourse but i always refused him…. and i realized that he is not a good guy so i left him…. and then i text to my old friend to say sorry so he called me and we talked and i told him each and everything but not in one go because things are not easy to me as we both love each other only because of family pressure my mind was diverted and i really feels regret for my this action…! finally my old friend decided to accept me so we got engaged but now if we ever had arguments on any topic so he always taunt me and treats me very badly… when i was teen age girl so i was like tom-boy type i used to be very frank and sometimes use slang with my friends as m the only daughter of my parents as i don’t have brother or sister so there is no one to guide me accordingly… after engagement i took admission in university so there was welcome party and i went there one of my friend take my picture and all of sudden one of my class mate stands next to me and picture has been captured and that friend put it on face-book so we had a worst fight at that night..! since then my fiancé always feels insecure from my side but i swear i love him with all my heart and my feelings are true to him but now if we ever had arguments on any topic so he always taunt me for my past and treats me very badly…. but truly now i do not talk to any guy now i don’t know what to do how should i makes him comfortable now a days i am not feeling good all the time i feels nausea doctors prescribe me some blood test all my reports are well but i am not feeling good i am taking medicines…. but honestly i am stressed and don’t feels good sometimes i feels to go far away from everyone and sometimes wants to kill myself…. i feels i am not a good daughter…! and now i am changed but my fiancé is uncomfortable with me but he also loves me…. really i don’t know what to do or what to say i really changed each and every thing in myself i am trying give my best but life is not giving me chance please I only wants my fiance trust me and we had a good and successful married life

  7. Anna says

    I had make a mistake in my past i had a relationship with a guy and he was not honest and sincere to me he played with me and used me he touched me, kissed me and undressed me but no intercourse! and the back story is before meeting to me that guy do a job in my dad’s office so he was terminated because of his actions….. then he approached me…! and i personally feels that he ha take revenge…. so he approached me and used me for that…. now m engaged and i told each and every thing to my fiance he forgive me but whenever if we had some arguments on any topic so he always taunt me for my past and he treats me very badly if no one can imagine…. i am suffering very badly even sometimes i feels to kill myself so wants to just go away far from every one…. i love my fiance a lot and i really commit each and everything with him honestly he also loves me a lot but whenever we fight on any topic so he always taunt me for my past….

  8. Me says

    I’m sorry I never believed that I was pretty. Now I feel very ugly, and it’s ruining my adulthood. I’m sorry I never made myself feel worthy of my own love. I’m sorry I don’t love myself more.

  9. Elaine says

    My husband and I separated 6 weeks ago and he has moved on to a new relationship. I spied on his actions by logging in to his Facebook account, then using things I saw there to start fights with him. I had the opportunity to confess, and I did. He understandably hates me right now, probably forever. I know telling him was the right thing to do, but I don’t know if I’ll ever stop hating the person I’ve become during this time. I felt justified in my actions for weeks, telling myself hurting him was retribution for him hurting me. I want to let go of the guilt for my actions, even if he never forgives me.

  10. Kathy says

    Some of the examples I set for my children continue to cause them to struggle and experience pain in their lives now. I feel so much regret for having decided certain things while thinking “It will be okay. They will be okay,” knowing all the while that it was not okay what I was deciding. I denied the impact on my children’s lives, and now I get to see that impact. I am so sorry.

  11. Sandi says

    I feel guilty that I didn’t say “I love you” back after my fiancée left for work. He died that nite and I never got to say it again.

  12. peace says

    Please pray i know exactly how you feel i have felt that way so many times before please pray and talk to him beg him to come back explain to him how sorry you are please i beg you he is the one if you feel that way go and get him show him youre completely sorry please youll continue to make mistakes but you will get better and you have grown spiritually … talk to him show him exactly how you feel be as honest as god and pray hard i will pray for you too

  13. peace says

    I have the worlds most beautiful partner , i am jealous and possesive and i cannot stand watching myself hurt him .I get so mad and got so mad that i cut myself and sent him the images to hurt him and i am struggling so much with the guilt … it is unbearable and i wish i could undo it. Theres nothing i want more than to be as good to him as he is to me

  14. Kathy says

    My baby died of SIDS 21 years ago and I was convinced that I did something to cause which i didnt i just want to thinking about it

  15. jo jo says

    Im a girl.
    I lost my virginity to a total jerkoff and now regret it.. it makes me feel ashamed of what I did and I know I can’t fix that situation at all.. I now have a boyfriend and told him what happend.. at a point I decided to let him have sex with another girl not because I wanted to but because I thought it would be the right thing since he said it bugged him knowing I had five it with someone else and he hasn’t.. I’ve caught him texting other girls flirting it saying things he shouldn’t have and when I confront him he says I told him he could have sex with another girl…the thing is I hate it that they are girls from the same school we go to…we are currently going out and I hate knowing that he’s texting others it makes me feel like I’m not good enough for him like he needs better and u really hate it I don’t know. We’re constantly arguing about that and it always makes me feel like I’m not good enough because he’s texting other girls what to do help?!
    Please write back

  16. Alias says

    I had a perfect boyfriend for four years. He never did anything wrong. I had moments where I lashed out and treated him like crap, being so mean it kills me – one time I even slapped him. I broke up with him because I felt I needed to work on myself. Now that I am independent and stable on my own, I look back and see how wrong this actually was. I love him so much, but know I will never be taken back. I can not let go of the guilt of what I did. I wish I treated him the way he treated me and I feel horrible for it every second of my life. I’m sorry.

  17. I'm sorry and it will never happen again says

    I was at a convention and had way too much to drink and was approached by several women. I was blacking out, kept drinking and I think we went too far during the night. It was still a blur. I’m married and have a kid and I love my family more than anything. Never thought this would happen since I don’t usually drink hard or get caught in these situations. I want to let go of the guilt and promise never to put myself and my family at risk

  18. Sadly says

    I am an animal lover and not long ago took in two baby rats, I have another rat so know about the care of them. During a hectic couple of weeks I rushed through my daily chores feeding the rats treats and food, but didn’t have time for holding them daily. One night friends came over and she commented how skinny one was and then I found the second one dead in the house, the third rat much older rat, in another cage was fat and sassy. I have no idea what happened, did I feed treats to the babies and reg food to the adult? Did I think I was feeding them enough and wasn’t? Did I not feed them at all?, I do not know, but something happened in which one died and I feel overwhelmingly guilt that they suffered, due to my neglect. And the fact that I walked by them every day and talked to them and gave them treats and didn’t realize they were skinny pains me so greatly.

  19. Asia says

    I don’t think I’m mad at myself.
    My dad had got on drugs I can’t stand to see his face everyone says I’m being unfair about how I choose not to see him ,but all I want to know is am I being fair or unfair about this?? Plus I’ve seen him hit my mom once or twice. I just wanna know if I’m taking the right path and ignoring him??

  20. Can't let go says

    I left a $300,000 plus job to do my own thing – no plan. I spent down $1.4 million in savings to maintain my family’s lifestyle with nothing to show for it. Now I am in a job search competing for fgew jobs with stale credentials that don’t set me apart. I dread each day and lack the motivation to do what I know I need to do. I am incredibly angry with myself and feeling alone and desperate about my future – losing wife and friends, no or a lousy job, suck life and retirement. Like you I want to die but know what pain that would cause loved ones. To top it all off I am virtually unable to ask for help beyond spilling guts to counselor every week.

  21. naina says

    God i am sorry for all.dat i ahve done in my past …
    God plzz forgive me dis time and frm today onwards i am going tak care of all my action and mak it a point all of dem are with gud intentions and purity…
    No adultration

  22. emily says

    I broke my engagement two months back. He was a super good guy and just perfect for me. I still dont know exactly why i broke with him. May be it was stress, fear of commitment or just cold feet. But whatever it was i became reason for hurt and pain for so many people. Now he has moved on with his perfect better half and am really happy for that. But i feel so guilty and regret my actions that it sometimes becomes very hard to digest. I accept that past is past, but somehow i am just not able to forgive myself for what i have done to myself and others.

  23. Alias says

    I regret the story I made up about why, as my parents would eventually (respectively) confess, I was invisible as an infant, child and adolescent. I regret the story I came up with (that I must be intrinsically unlovable) because in believing it, I allowed myself to be haunted by it. And as I haunted myself with this story, I developed a mindset of “not enough.” The not good enough to be noticed mentality comes hand in hand with another troubling state of being, and it’s a governed by one rule: do not become too much. Life was a constant tightrope walk between perfectionism (good enough) and accepting scraps (because to complain would be too much, needing too much, in particular, and cause rejection). So the end all, be all regret is really the defense of that I developed. It’s not particularly uncommon for those who were invisible to their parents, and never held or rocked and told that “it would be okay.” I regret believing the story that I was valueless because it caused me to also believe no one would ever hold on to me, because who would hold on to someone like me? By believing this, I caused others pain. I never held on to some, and I rejected or boxed out others without consciously meaning to as a way to avoid what I thought of as the eventual disappointment I would feel when they, too, would leave me behind. I didn’t allow anyone to love me, either, and it breaks my heart to think about someone offering their kindness as a gift to someone who essentially turned from the giver, leaving the gift unnoticed and unappreciated, unused and still in their outstretched hands. It is a difficult thing to forgive. I guess I realize now that I have no choice; paradoxically speaking, if I want to move forward in life and stop hurting people, I have to forgive myself. And do so by pursuing forgiving values, I guess. The good news is that I can do this; the bad news is I have to live forever with past mistakes. I hope they shrink as I make self forgiving actions now and in the future. I guess I’ll find out if that helps. Until then, thanks so kindly for this outlet.

  24. Lara says

    I was in a complex relationship with a guy for three months before he left to work abroad for seven months. I guarded my heart as I couldn’t allow myself to trust his words and potentially get hurt. There were a lot of red flags with him, I particularly felt like he put me on a pedestal and I didn’t want him to attempt long distance with me thinking I was perfect. Knowing that he hated smoking, after a night out I took a smoke from a stranger. I could tell by the way he looked at me that I had ruined things. I recognised my self-destructive behaviour and feeling brave, I openely admitted to it and we talked. He never quite got over it though, he would bring it up time and time again claiming that my insecurities caused him to question the relationship. No big surprise but it didn’t work out. I wonder what would’ve happened if I hadn’t done that. I was so afriad of him figuring out the real me and leaving that it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. He also made mistakes but will never apologise for anything. I can’t seem to stop blaming myself but I’m choosing now to let it go.

  25. bigred says

    First I am a Christian and I keep getting into troubles lately (sexual sin trouble) I meet a guy and we talk about love and marriage and for some reaaon I keep do the same behavior pattern sex and when finish I feel so low bad is like I want to just be out of the world people look up to me and I will help them with the sturgles but mine I hide it till it began to weary me down shame has consumed my life now ao I feel tired fawt head aches mood swings tensions I need this to let it out ! I am so shame to let any one know this ! Them I am going through a financial seaaon so all that couple it together! So rihht now I want to let go ofthis guilt I already tell God about but me it still comes befor my face and cause me to feel so bad help help help the first time I ever bring this out o my.

  26. past prisoner says

    I passed on a career opportunity due to some other stress, and i was never able to forgive myself about it, everyday i think “what if” , and it simply destroying my life.

  27. Alias says

    I worked on a history project that was for a test grade at home when the teacher said not to. I feel guilty because I received 75/75 points unfairly. I know what I did was wrong but I don’t want to confess to the teacher. I feel bad. I know it sounds silly, but I can’t get it out of my mind. I want to forgive myself and let go.

  28. Amanda says

    Messed up with lover sent text his wife read at first he was able to cope with the grief she was giving him and after a period of time (2 weeks ) he said we could carry on with our affair because things at home could not get any worse but then he changed his mind and said he could not do it anymore and he would not ring me again, he was a client of mine and I ask if he would still see me in a perfessional capacity he said he would but it’s been over a month and we haven’t had any contact the pain of the loss is killing me , I understand it was my mistake that made him fear the loss of his family but not having any contact is just the pits .if he had said no I can’t see you anymore in any shape or form I could have excepted that but it’s the not quite knowing if he coming back or not . Do you think I should except he’s not coming back and try to stop thinking about him easer said then done and if he does phone me it would be a lovely surprise what is the best way to cope.

  29. nameless says

    I was involved in an ugly custody battle and was being forced to get rid of my cats. I could not find homes for them and could not afford the fees to relinquish them to animal control. I ended up abandoning them. This is something that goes against everything I believe in.

  30. little girl lost says

    the hatred for myself, the constant reliving of past mistakes to the point that i am too scared to apply for a job or live in the same area as a multitude of people ( usually exes), the constant need to lie over little and big things, hating myself and feeling jealous of others, wishing I was someone else, wishing that i just don’t wake up one day all of the negative thoughts in my head which lead to negative actions

  31. MasterP says

    I want to let go of the hate I have for myself. I can never forgive myself and it’s making me miserable. I want to let go of the self doubt that almost cripples me.

  32. Too soft says

    I want to stop beating myself up over the fact that I allowed myself to be manipulated so easily. A couple of years ago, a woman came running up to me, crying, telling me that she needed someone to give her a ride to her church just down the street. She was supposed to be getting a ride to a Greyhound station because she was flying out to see some family member that was sick. I was so startled, I didn’t know what to do. She had cornered me where no one was around to hear this, and it was one of those things where you don’t immediately recognize you’re getting scammed because it’s not happening in a way you ever imagined it would happen. I don’t know why I didn’t immediately turn her down…I had no problem brushing aside people who made obvious attempts to scam me or get money from me…but this was a strangely different scenario, and I didn’t know what to do. This woman was crying in front of me and pleading that I help her. She just needed to be taken a couple of blocks down the street. So I made a big mistake and agreed to give her a ride there. When we got there, there was no sign of any sort of ride or even anyone present at the church, so she feigned confusion and cried again and begged me to drive her to her house instead. By now I’m already in a trap and I know it, but I already have this woman in my car, and I don’t know what to do with her. Taking her home sounded like the only other thing to do, so I continued to play into her hands and started letting her give me directions. By then I was terrified, I didn’t know what to do, or what this woman would do. She asked to borrow my cell phone so she could call a friend. I made another mistake and let her do so. Instead of dialing a number, she tried to look through my phone settings to find any sensitive information. When after a few moments I realized she wasn’t dialing a number, I yanked my phone out of her hands and started asking her stop and get out of my car. She continued to give me sob stories, telling me she wasn’t making anything up, pretended to cry again and begged me to take her home so she could work out a ride situation. Again, not knowing what else to do with her, but now clearly aware that this woman was a fraud, I followed her directions to where she wanted to be dropped off. But she was smart. She knew she was playing me like a piano, and pressed her luck. She asked for money to help pay for her previously mentioned fake Greyhound bus ticket. I told her I didn’t have any money to give her. She begged me again and again, to stop by an ATM and pull out some cash. And because I wasn’t able to remove her from my car, and because I was so afraid, I followed her request and pulled money from an ATM. Now that she had everything she set out to get, she directed me to a gas station where she finally got out of my car and left. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about how stupid I was to let all of this happen. I should have been suspicious from the start, because the whole situation had red flags all over it before it even started. But I was scared, and had never been in a situation like it before, so I didn’t recognize the signs until it was too late. I hate myself even more for letting her continue to manipulate me multiple times afterward. I should have walked away. I should have at least driven her to the police station instead of doing what she asked. I certainly should not have given her money. This was a couple of years ago, so by now I am able to put this behind me on most days, but some days I randomly recall this horrible situation and I get so depressed over it. It was so very humiliating. I try to justify to myself that the woman may have been carrying a weapon and could have hurt me if I didn’t do what she asked, but I doubt she had anything because she never threatened me. Just manipulated me. Played me like a damned fool so easily. I’ve been so embarrassed about it ever since that I haven’t told anyone about it, and it eats me up inside. Today it came back to me again and I have not been able to let go of it all day. I want to be freed from this humiliating mistake. If I could selectively erase a memory permanently, this would be the one.

  33. Akhtal Saghir says

    I have committed a series of investment mistakes and sale of valuable property at the wrong time that left me with just enough to survive at my old age let alone leaving something of value to my children. The downturn came after years of success, starting from scratch. Every time I watch a building rise or a property I once owned that some friends and acquaintances believe is still mine I turn into painful regret that paralyses my ability to carry on with whatever remained. I practice daily exercises that keep me well fit but when I smoke my first cigarette, a habit that I’m not able to stop, something like a second personality, hesitant and fragile and cowardly, takes over me and I start dreaming of death as a way out but only my belief it will hurt my family even more that makes me brush the thought aside.
    If, on the other hand, I quit smoking for a couple of days, I become more aware of the mistakes I committed that sends back into another depression and sense of regret.
    I saw a psychiatrist who prescribed a tablet of Cipralex (anti-depressant) in the morning and that of Xanax (anti-anxiety) in the evening to help me sleep. They did little good. Maybe I should stop even the single Scotch I have in the evening. I don’t know.

  34. BeyondLimits says

    I want to let go the believe that I was born evil and that I am nothing but bad for everybody. I was a divine creation created by the divined hand of GOD, special and unique like no other. I don’t hate myself, and I am indeed beautiful. I had indeed made many mistakes but I am not a robot! I am human, I am a daughter of GOD who is learning how to walk and to learn how to I must fall. I will no longer be around people who don’t deserve me, but instead surround myself of people who do.

  35. kathryn says

    I cheated on my boyfriend repeatedly during a period when our relationship was long-distance. He forgave me, gave me multiple chances, but I have denied every one because I cannot forgive myself. The other person involved threatened suicide, but has now moved on and forgiven me. I am now broke, unemployed, and living at my mother’s at the age of 29. I had everything I wanted and now lost it. I am suicidal and don’t see how to move forward.

  36. David says

    I would like to forgive myself for cheating on the love of my life DMV (her initials). We are no longer together as she has moved on and wants nothing to do with me. It’s hard to come to terms with this however, it is time to move on and finally forgive myself to let go of all this built up guilt. I hurt my ex and feel so guilty and bad. I wish as everyday passes that I did not wrong her and could snuggle up in her arms. I reminisce of all the good times we had. 3 years worth of great memories, that I will never forget. I love you d, with all my heart. It may not appear that way but, I wish you the best! Time to forgive myself and move on as well.

    RIP Little D and Big D
    03/20/11 – 01-30-14

  37. innocence lost says

    i have made a lot of mistakes in my past. i drank too much, lied, cheated, stole from my family (never anyone else), did drugs and tried to justify it by saying that i was coping. i rebelled later in life than most people and ended up ruining the wonderful life that i had made for myself. i cant look myself in the eye and i cant let myself get close to anyone. i saw too much and had been way too sheltered, so now i’m terrified to be on my own, but have no one to turn to. i know that no one is perfect and i know that even at my worst, i always had the intention to return the items i took or pay back the money i borrowed. but never could. the road to hell is paved with good intentions, so i just started believing that i belonged there. now, i am a wreck and having to walk through each day with a smile on my face and the second i’m alone, i am right back here. reminding myself what a horrible person i am and that i will never have someone i can trust and that i everyone would be better off with out me. i’m not suicidal, i’m just stuck in this wretched cycle. knowing what i should do, but not being able to. i know that i am a good person and i know that we all mess up and i know that life must go on. i just dont know how to. thank you.

  38. don't give up says

    I’m sorry to hear of your pain. Life is a gift and you deserve the chance to be happy. We all make mistakes but if we learn from them it’s important to try as best as you can to move foward. You may have done a bad thing, but that does not make you a bad person. You sound like you are sorry for the pain you have caused, but what about the pain he is causing you? Is he sorry too?

  39. APB83 says

    I’m really not sure. All I know is I almost always lash out at my mother, whom I love more than anything. It truly feels like something other than myself takes hold of my emotions and screams at her against my will, for the tiniest of things. today it was over whether or not change came out of her purse when she sat in my car. She said I don’t have any change and my purse is closed. I completely lost it. I guess I want to let go of my uncanny ability to take all the hell of my life out on her.

  40. Ashamed says

    I went on a drinking binge and did some things I’m not proud of. I blackout so I don’t remember all of it. I remember being in the backseat with a guy but I remember saying I won’t have sex. Then we ended up at a camp around young guys drinking more. I may have kissed one. I’m so ashamed! The only time I act like this is after I’ve been drinking heavily.

  41. Anna Bell says

    When I divorced my husband after 24 years of being together, I did not fight for anything that was rightfully mine. I let him have everything. 14 years later I regret it so much. I has been so hard to pick up the pieces. Financially it has been difficult. Now I do have my own home it is lovely, but it is small and I owe so much on it. Recently my ex-husband died and I hate it very much that his new wife of only ten years will get everything that I built with my ex-husband. I went to their home and it is almost exactly as I left it. This woman has never worked or struggled like we did in the beginning when we were raising our two sons. I don’t know why I just let it all go to him, at that time I just wanted out of the marriage. I was young and stupid. How do I let go of this big regret? Since his death I have been miserable with the decision I made 14 years ago.

  42. anonymous says

    I grew up in a devout christian home and consider myself a follower of Jesus. I was fairly sheltered growing up. When I became a teenager I didn’t know how to deal with my emerging sexuality because I had been taught to oppress it. When I left for college I started masturbating and for a period of time I started watching porn as well. I was never addicted necessarily, I would only do it about once a week and would sometimes go weeks without doing it, but I HATED how I felt. I felt so dirty and far away from God. I felt like a phony. I would try and stop and beg for God’s forgiveness, but would always go back. I eventually got disgusted with the porn and stopped watching that and I am slowly stopping my habit of masturbating. I have asked God’s forgiveness and feel right with him, but I still feel deep shame. I feel like if my family and friends only knew they would lose all respect and love for me. I can’t seem to be able to forgive myself. I have to learn to let it go…

  43. Tinkerbell says

    I want to let go of how I treated my long term boyfriend in the first month of our relationship. I was unstable and didn’t know if the relationship was going anywhere, so I got with another guy. I have been faithful to him ever since but the other day I told him about my mistake. Only half of it. It has torn him apart and not only do I regret my initial actions I now regret telling him as well. All I can do is prove to him that he is the only one I want for the rest of my life, and this will take time. But I can never let him know the other half of my mistake, it would be the last straw. It’s not worth it. I love him with all my heart and I need to forgive myself for my actions and go and have a happy life with him, as long as he can get over what I’ve told him.

  44. Jake says

    My life is amazing, everything seems to be going right, I have good friends, family, a job, I’m strong in my church and beliefs.
    After all this what right do I have to hate myself? The only thing I have to complain about is my addiction to pornography and masterbation. I hate it, I’ve been to counseling, I’ve talked about it with my parents and bishup

  45. Peace searcher says

    I am graduating from high school in two months, but how I wish the time would go by faster. I made so many mistakes and bad choices, they haunt me everyday. While, I walk around school I’m constantly reminded of classes I should have taken and didn’t, and those I did but shouldn’t have. The old saying is that high school is the best four years of your life, mine seem to have been the worst. I’m always thinking of my life had done I what I should have, my life with the better choices. I see myself happier, calmer, more at peace with myself, not this person who I am now. I wish I could rewind time and go back, change everything the the way it should be. I have this enduring feeling of regret, that won’t leave me. I’ve spoken to people to see if maybe that would help, but they don’t seem to understand my situation or my point of view and I feel trapped in this feeling. I want it go leave me, so I can finally enjoy my life again, rather than hurt from it.

  46. anonymous says

    I want to let go of all my mistakes from the moment I got in trouble with the wrong crowd in seventh grade for vandalizing a church with some friends to the moment I started jumping back in forth between exs. How I acted freshman year in high school to getting attached to a Guy and losing my virginity.. leaving him for another bc of how he treated me only to take the other’s making him sexually deprived then him acting crazy so I left. For another then sleeping with him after a week and him leaving me:’( for all my stupid crap… I wanna start over let it all go but my exs are still around and I don’t know what to do except wait rill I get out of high school I’m trying to show everyone I’ve changed but no one is paying attention I’m a senior with two months of school left …

  47. marinatamez82@gmail.com says

    I have cheated on my husband we live under the same house but he never talks to me i feel like a ghost in my own home i cry myself to sleep when he doesn’t come home .. i know he doesn’t want to be near me but why not give me the divorce.. He can afford it wanna work things out but he just brings back the past. . And i don’t fight it no more i stand there till he kicks me till i don’t breath anymore. At the end he just walks away and shuts the door .. and routine of him not even glancing at me continues. . I work i come home i do my daily chores i try and stay out of his hair… i just miss him so much .. i feel like ending my life at times.. cause he doesn’t understand how terrible i feel and i am sure he feels worse .. but why is he still around … He gives me false hope.. and i can’t stand it ..

  48. James says

    I want to let go of my thoughts of deep mistrust.. how I loath myself for allowing myself to love my Wife of 10 years more deeply than I have loved anything even myself. Only to have her leave me for who knows what… Her words were “We just don’t work well together”.

    For allowing her to walk all over me for most of our relationship to appease her. For me not getting over my depressed behavior of how life is.. and allowing it to dictate my abilities and my belief in self to actually live a worthwhile life…

    Now, I feel as though I am worthless.. and I am 36 years old living in my Mom’s house.. where she can’t pay her bills… where my father just died from cancer 4 months ago.. I was his primary care taker.. and I could not help him get better… I feel guilty for not being well enough to help her pay for rent.. All I want to do is just die.. every day..

    I want to forgive myself for wanting to kill myself and every day wanting to just end life.. I want peace..

    I want to let go of the thought that I killed my dad by wishing the cancer would make him so sick that my Son’s mom would come back and care.. for once in her life… just care that I am in pain.. and maybe cry with me…

    yet she can’t.. She never could show empathy for my troubles.. rather she pulled away and wrote me off as some … some… Someone she never knew or got close too.. After all we shared over the decade.. and a child together..

    I want to forgive myself for needing to deeply and passionately needing to connect deeply with someone… and for not connecting deeply and passionately with myself.. Allowing my need to connect with her.. to keep her close.. taking away my need to connect with me… and for being afraid to do what I knew all along what was right.. that was to explore the world.. and learn all cultures.. to connect with these paths.. Not be trapped in the same city..

    I can’t leave.. my son is here… I adore him.. I can’t seem to do anything right.. I want to forgive myself for always failing any job I ever took… meaning… giving up because I could not stand it… I want to forgive myself for never writting that book or movie script..

    I just want to live again… like I did as a kid.. feeling as though there were meaning, purpose and desire to live… not as though I want to die every moment… so that I don’t have to think about another day of… loss, fear, hate, envy, jealousy, and defeat… leading to an eventual fruitless life and older death… wondering why I never just got it over in the first place… I want to believe it will be worth it… to keep on going on…

    I just miss my little family so much… I want things back… I dont’ know why I could not just go along to get along… I did not think I would lose it.. I thought she would eventually care.. she would eventually recognize what we had.. SHE DID NOT.. I wnat to forgive myself for not letting go of her.. of someone who did not care for me…

  49. Nadia says

    i want to let go of that one night. That one night i made the worst mistake of my life by going out to a party with my friend why? Because i ended up getting black-out drunk and having sex with another guy, cheating on my boyfriend. Apparently there was drugs in the drinks, so i was also drugged and taken complete advantage of. I have put him through so much shit and he forgives me, but for him the hardest part to do it for him to be with me, and he doesn’t know if he can do that. I want to let go of this because he is the one good thing in my life, my best friend, companion, life-partner and i feel like i would go completely insane without him in my life. It’s hard to face the fact that this happened to me, that i myself put myself in that situation and could have avoided the whole thing. I know i shouldn’t put it all on myself-i didn’t drug myself. But the fact that i hurt him this much kills me. I’d do anything to get him back, and i cry every night. I cry because i can’t forgive myself, i cry because of what a random guy did to me, i cry because all the beautiful memories are lost, and i cry because i put myself in that situation. Me. Myself. And I. All i want is to forgive myself for hurting the one person who would have been there for me till the day i die.

  50. My Mantra says

    Growing up, I was very rebellious and went about doing a lot things without the blessing of my family. I was in love and went against anything that didn’t allow me to do what I thought was the best, for my relationship. I then later made the saddest mistake of neglecting my daughter through this journey of self-destruction. Needless to say, what I thought was my partner for life and I broke up. Left to pick up all the pieces of all the mistakes I made and people I wronged, mostly, with my family. I was lost, bitter, angry, guilty, in need for love in pain, felt so guilty, self-blaming and in a rut. As a result, I derailed, delving deeper into self-destruction and messing up a lot of things in my life. Then I lost everything. At this point, instead of family being my rock, they gloated in “I told you so.” As a result of this, I took upon a life that would be lived rectifying these mistakes and seeking always to do right by the people I had hurt. All this rebellion impacted heavily upon my relationship with my mom and I lost favour in her eyes. Our relationship was bruised for life. Although, I do feel that she didn’t support me enough in the biggest challenges of my life, like losing my son in 2007 at 15 days and many other heavy challenges, I still felt that I had to win her favour. I’ve come a long way on that journey and have tried to make her believe that I am still her little girl. This attempt seems to not have worked because till this day, I still feel I have so much to prove to her but just can’t find the right way. There is soooooooo much that still goes unnoticed and I remain overlooked in a lot of areas, even at times when I just simply need the nurting of a mom like a little girl. She has sided with so many other encounters that I felt only a mom could solve with my sibilings and simply fuels situations that stand against me instead and disrespect my authority. She further now, stands by my younger brother’s side everytime he displays actions of power and complete disrespect for me, as an older sister. Instead of intervening, she says nothing at all, when things need to put in right order. She overlooks his doings completely and applies no discipline in areas that need to be dealt with, eg my younger brother selling one of her cars without declaring the money back to her, selling the house laptop, without her knowledge, with all important work documents including mine, being robbed by my brother, causing her great setback, protecting my brother when he knocked my toothe out because he got an outbursst by me requesting for the laptop charger that I needed to finish off a deadline for work on the following day, choosing to believe everything my brother feeds her and playing dumb in really pressing sibling issues. All this has gotten me to a point where I feel like, nothing I do will ever rectify how I wronged her. Nothing I do will ever make up for the pain I feel I caused her during my time of destructing, all for the purpose of keeping love. I mean really, I did only half the things my brother does. Never did I set her back ever. Yes, I hurt her but never did I set her back. Maybe it has always been about me having less favour amongst my sibilings because of being the indigo child, the black sheep of the family. All this has brought me here. I’m worn out and surrender. I give up. There are a lot of areas that I immensely need her but I have come to realize that she has no interest in helping me. So much so, that I’m desperately praying to God to grant me my independence back or send me vessels that will be my helpers. All my energy is worn out from seeking her acknowledgement and need for her to be my mommy that I can run to no matter what, needing her guidance as mom. I can’t live my life proving I don’t know what anymore. It hurts everytime it hits me that I will never win her in that way…that I will never experience the warmth of her nurturing like that she gives to my older sister and younger brother. I will never have her involving herself in my life and reminding me that “mommy’s got you”. I want it to stop affecting me and setting me back in my spirituality. I want to overlook her disapproval and the need of always being validated, affirmed, acknowledged, praised and supported by her. I want to continue with my life in such a way that I can move on whether she’s for me or against. I want to stop making decisions and living my life in fear that my mom will never approve or be in favour of whatever decision I make. I want her judgements and actions to not touch a thing in me, to literally bounce off and never effect me like it does now. I want my. independence from her. I wanna move on, having forgiven myself from the pain I think I caused. I don’t want to be indepted to her anymore. I want to release the power she has over my worthiness or lack thereof. I want to let go of how this pain of her chosing not to be involved in my life, hurts me. I want to move away from feeling like the way she treats me is all my karma and I deserve it. I want to move away from feeling so unworthy to her. I want to stop feeling like I have no right to other things, to feel other things or to express other things. I want to stop fearing expressing my emotions, lest I am sarcastically deemed as “you’re a fine one to talk after everything you have put me through”. I m back my power and cut the chord. I never want to feel the way I do right now and I want to find way to communicate all this pain to her, without rebeling, without being deemed as disrespectful and rather being respected for having communicated all this in a way that will reach out to her. I can’t feel this pain no more. It sets me back terribly. I want to LET IT GO and remain content, blessed and happy in how I have done it all.

  51. Sylvia says

    I want to let go of the anger I feel towards me for letting people treat me the way they do…I’m feeling guilty after I lash out on someone that doesn’t have anything to do with ,y problem at the moment, I hate that. I hate the guilt I feel, I hate it – it isn’t that I can’t let go , I just don’t want to – and I realise that I have to , in my head if I let go of the anger that’s a sigh of weakness and if I let go I won’t make them pay…

  52. Eliott says

    three separate abortions. Somehow I feel I must be punished for interrupting 3 lives and for the past 18 years that’s what I have done, except, that I don’t live in an island by myself,so everyone near me gets punished too, one way or another. Somehow, I can forgive with loving compassion friends who have had abortions, but not me, and self forgiviness is becoming a necessity because I feel as if I can self destroy.
    Thank you

  53. just me says

    Hey every1,not that any1 cares,but I’m back again! my last posting was March 1, 2014 at 8:40 am. tx 2 the individual who replied 2 me trying 2 make me feel better about myself,if it was intended 4 me! it really/sincerely was appreciated!!
    I know i demonstrated/demonstrate 2 be a 40 some yr. old woman w/ an extremely trashy mouth-i’m sorry every1, sin- cerely sorry! i’m certainly not @ all proud &/or boasting about it! But it’s going 2 continue! i know w/ that in mind,people will probably conclude that i’m trashy! i wish that wouldn’t b the case!yes i know i could change their opinion about me if i quit talking like this! i’m just so angry @ myself,i’m so severely depressed,i’m such a major scum! Yes,it does not,@ all justify talking like this! It’s totally unacceptable!
    People/LCSW’s/Psychiatrists/Psychologists/gen’l. practitioners & the list goes on & on,say & are perfectly right,that in order to get better i 1st have 2 help myself! i know it may not seem like i’m doing this! I’ve been told by my lcsw & husband that it’s true! That i’m not,by any means,trying! but i’m trying so hard-really! i know it’s hard 2 believe by any1! i’ve been hospitalized in a funny farm numerous x,4 suicide attempts,(yah,i’m so stupid that after trying 4 x,i totally fucked it up)! but believe me i really thought I was doing it rt-i’m so smart,huh? my last suicide attempt was 2013. yup as you can read & figure out ‘cuz i’m writing on this blog,i fucked-up again…what does God want from me? hell, all he’s gonna do is send me 2 hell when he wants me, anyway! So why the hell doesn’t he just take me now,why? I’m currently,as i have several x in my lifex,questioned my beliefs!
    u know,i only write on this blog,as i indicated in my 1st blog,’cuz no1 knows me,can’t track me,(4 reasons,i can’t/won’t reveal 2 this &/or any site, ‘cuz i could no longer b allowed 2 use this resource to write 2 people who don’t know me &/or if some1 of mental hlth. authority could track me down & possibly get me hospitalized)!?
    plse. b advised/rest assured/try 2 believ me,even though i know it’s very difficult,i’m by no means a criminal, homicidal, pervert,& whatever else could cross your mind(s). i just can’t chance being admitted 2 a funny farm again,’cuz as you can probably conclude,i feel & am convinced,through logical experiences, I’m beyond help!!
    people,i’m so very/sincerely sorry! i don’t want people 2 think of me as a crazy,insensitive,cruel person…i really don’t!! i don’t want 2 bring people down either-really! although i can understand why people may/can not believe this-again i’m sorry! i know too, people might think that my apologies aren’t sincere ‘cuz i continue on! i just need 2 vent,once again,2 people that don’t know me! yes,once again you’ll still judge me-i get it! i don’t appear 2 be/act like a lady! instead come off/act like a total,selfish,trash mouth!! people,i so wish some1 could give me sound/soothing advice! 2 give me hope/a logical reason 2 totally 4-give myself 4 the fucked-up things i’ve said,done, & thrusted upon my husband! let me tell u,no man would’ve stayed, much less marry me! from the gitgo,& after they saw my family be totally unjustified & unacceptable,of some1 who was/is,so truly wonderful, thoughtful,devoted, caring, loving, empathetic,sympathetic! the list could go on & on about his wonderful character traits-really this is not made-up!!!! i so want the will/joy/desire.etc.,to live!
    i search so many sites,now,(where i used 2 just make a snap decision 2 try 2 kill myself),4 painless,quick ways to b successful/find contentment/peace in ending my life!
    i would,now,never overdose on high dosages of any prescrips/ellicit drugs,(which i’ve never experienced w/,don’t seek! although i’m sure/know if i ventured in2 the well-known drug-infested areas,that i’d have much success in obtaining them! anyway as i was saying i’d never overdose on prescrips. again-never! i’ve researched,since i returned home the 2nd x last yr. from hospital,the dosages needed to succeed in killing myself! people,through experience & research,let me tell u,it’s next 2 impossible,2 succeed w/ this way of killing urself! Don’t get me wrong,I’m not trying 2 provide people w/ advice! although it may seem this way,of how not &/or how 2 end their life! I just,i don’t know-just don’t know?! & hell,how/why shoul i put my husband,especially w/ his ptsd diagnosis & many other diagnoses,through this again?!
    so i wish some1,although it’s crazy,wouldn’t happen,people are nasty when they see people saying/writing this kind of stuff,feel that if u really wanted 2, u’d just do it & so many other things!
    Currently,my wonderful husband,(only marriage i ever considered/said yes 2,best man i’ve ever had the pleasure of mtg./marrying,the best person i’ve ever met! he even had/has always stuck/sticks by me,w/ all the fucked-up things i did to him & others did 2 him ,thrusted upon him,has always,although we have very lit’l income,provided me w/ the life 2 which i’ve always been accustomed!
    throughout my lifex, i’ve been provided w/ safe,beautiful areas in which 2 reside! i grew-up w/ very, financially/ wealthy parents! They-@ least my Dad was raised in a poverty family,even had 2 wear hand me downs! imagine the embarrassment & pain he had 2 bear/learn 2 try & accept,living like that? he worked his butt off,way up 2 total financial success! i’m so proud of him! however,money & it’s proven,doesn’t mean success &/or happiness! in my opinion success is the person u r inside-whether or not u have/had a great &/or especially terrible,abusive lifestyle,that was &/or ,thrusted upon u! i’ve had 2 pay emotionally/mentally,most of my life,4 being brought-up in a wealthy family! Yes,every1,i am so lucky! i had/was given anything i wanted on a silver/gold platter,LOL-name brand stuff,braces that the dentist totally discouraged my parents from purchasing them being that it was so outrageously expensive! also he knew i didn’t need them! my parents just wanted 2 try 2 improve/help my low self-esteem,deep/empathetic/ sympathetic feelings!! they weren’t successful in changing anything ‘cuz it was such a life of mental/emotional abuse- such a dysfunctional family! even mental hlth. professionals tried desperately 2 remove me from my household! They stated on numerous occasions that my parents,even though they loved & constantly told me they did! yes,i totally believed them! they just had a funny way of showing/prov- ing it! They gave me so many mixed msgs./guilt trips! yes, they did the best they could & i sincerely appreciated/let them know,on many occasions! unfortunately,they were my problem!
    no,honestly, even though every1 might think i’m looking 4 sympathy,feeling sorry 4 myself,looking 4 attention,etc.! but really,& i know most people don’t/won’t believe this,i’m not!! hell,why would i be writing in this blog,anonymously? again,i just need 2 vent 2 people who don’t/won’t ever know me!
    i so want 2 b helped! once again,i have truly tried,but to no avail! i just want 2 die,painlessly & quickly,that’s all i want!
    i realize that there are lots of people suffering,possibly more &/or same than/as i am! these people that don’t have great insurance 2 get help from mental hlth. professionals &/or have the money 2 purchase prescrips.! believe me,we sin- cerely wish we had lots of money 2 help these people w/ their issues! whether it be medical,mental, physical, etc.,ones! we honestly do not have it!
    believe me,my lcsw,when i called her 2-day,asked me if i was thinking/trying suicidal thoughts &/or using anything 2 end my life! she asked me what was going on & if i needed 2 b hospitalized,again! i told her the truth,as i always do! i don’t always know if she believes i always tell her the truth! i have nothing-u know nothing 2 use 2 stop my heart from permanently beating! Also,my husband has extremely severe ptsd,from unspeakable life experiences,physically/ mentally/abusive/lying,ex wives & family,painful memories! hell,2 make matters worse 4 him,his ex,during marriage plann- ed & tried,almost successfully,2 kill him-yes people-actually kill him! he was so sweet that the detectives who wanted/knew she did it & she admitted 2 it, hounded des- parately,wanted him 2 admit she did it + wanted the details! He denied the whole thing even though he came so close to dying-seriously-no exaggerations!!
    anyway i’m sorry if any1 feels their time was wasted reading this! i didn’t mean/meant 2 cause disruption in ur life/lives! I would,though & yes i have no reason 2 ask,be open/apprec- iate,advice/support,etc.,on any of what i’ve written!? Preferably no nasty/negative feedbk?! even though i deserve 2 b treated like the piece of shit that i am,i just want someone’s/anyone’s help! i’m so hopeless,have lost lots of belief in most of humanity,i’m physically,mentally,&
    emotionally exhausted! I feel/believe my life is totally out of control! I’m so overwhelmed,even w/ the small stuff-washing dishes,vacuuming,washing/drying/folding clothes/ cleaning our bathrm.,our bedrm,our livingrm/mopping our floors,wiping the counters & washing the sink in kitchen, cleaning the bathrm. sink! So much 2 b done but the energy is gone! Why did i create this,i just don’t know! We moved! i
    feel,as well as my husband,somex feels,we made the wrong decision! Since we’ve resided here,deep south,we’ve,mainly, my,there’s been problem after problem-& it just never stops!
    it’s created serious marriage problems! of course,if u recall what i’ve written,a great deal of it has been my doing/our ill- nesses,mainly mine! i’ve put/gave/created,unintentionally, although it still broke him down,so much crap/pain/exhaustion + what i can’t remember,on him! I so wish i could go back into the past! i would change almost/most of what i/i’ve said,done,didn’t do! w/ all the shit that’s occurred here,his ptsd has sky-rocketed! i’d do anything 2 alleviate completely,take his pain,anger,depression,anxiety,lost ambition +,away from him! I wish i could totally erase his memory from past/present experiences,from him! my husband’s a fighter! he tries so hard to cope/understand/avoid,etc.,what he has/had 2 deal w/! w/ everything that’s been thrusted upon him,he still,somex looses hope,under- standably! right now & for awhile, he’s finding it so,understandably so,2 keep fighting! Everyday he seems to be & voices it,loosing sight of himself & so am I! please,don’t think i’m trying 2 come off like my life is so much more difficult than his! believe me,of all the terrible things i’ve,especially,& some from others,thrusted upon him, i have never dismissed his unbearable pain! for the most part,not 2 toot my own horn,it’s so rare if @ all,i dismiss anyone’s pain/suffering,etc.! although it really matters how i think/feel/know about my husband,i do hope others can c how devoted i am 2 him!? I love,adore,am in love,have pass-
    ion,(even though i can’t,probably/possibly,never will),for him!have him on a pedestal,of course that’s exactly where/ how he should be! i’m his biggest fan! he’s my only knight in shining armor + so much more! i’ve never had such strong/ unexplainable feelings,about/towards any1-family,friends,(best,casual,etc.)! although,i must admit,prouldly,he’s truly my only true,trusted,best friend! he’s my rock! i never believed i was going 2 be able 2 find some1,until he entered & stayed in my life! no1 will ever b able 2 find what i have in this man!
    Damn it,somehow i just lost a lot of what i just wrote! o.k. what fucking ever-right!
    if any1 wants 2 provide me w/ any advice,insight,etc.,i’d certainly appreciate it! plse how do you move on when u fucked over the only person,man,husband,that’s practically flawless? how do u keep ur mind from focusing in ur husband’s eyes & c/know he is in so much pain-in everyway possible? how do u look in the mirror @ urself,4 being such a fuckup? all i pretty much do anymore is try 2 sleep,sleep,don’t,embarrassed 2 admit bathe the way u should? i spend & pretty much just choose 2 drink-fat/low-no cal/caffeine-free,different flavored water pkts,somex decaf coffee w/ sugar sweetner stevia-most recommended by fda,choc. skim milk-no alcohol consumption-pretty much never got in2 it.also i never needed 2 add 2 my depression by drinking what causes depression! Whatever,rt? But let me tell u, i really think,if i
    lived alone,i just may turned 2 heavily drinking? just so i can black-out being in my own mind!!!!
    i’m so hopeless! i make my husband miserable! @ x he voices it! Yes,i voice some negative thigs that i feel about him 2 him as well! however,he doesn’t agree, ifeel a lot of x he has more problematic issues w/ me,by far,than i do w/ him!!! we’ve both changed w/ everthing’s that’s occurred past 2 yrs. i feel i created total havoc for my husband! as unintentional as it was,let’s face it pain is pain! some pain is better tolerated than other depending on what occurred to individual(s)!
    u know, my husband,is my life,my rock,my favorite star and i’m his biggest fan-really! no1 could ever replace him-nor would i try! i have no desires 2 b w/ any1 and that will always b the case! believe me,if you were married 2 a wonderful man,great person,devoted husband + many,many other great character traits-no matter the circumstance(s),
    there’d be no question that u’d never venture!
    @ this pt.,i’m ready 2 simply perish,by myself! my fuck-ups,and yes i somewhat allowed them too have buried me in the dirt,alive! i’m so fucking tired of living in my own skin! my will,yet i haven’t been able 2 do anything,2 live,has gone 2 nothing! idon’t like me,i hate me! i belong in a diiferent world! yah,i know what the hell am i reffering to? i try so hard and have made so many changes that were needed,as a wife! other changes that occurred i’m having difficulty getting back the positive ones! i’ve pretty much lost all hope,in me,humanity! just haven’t lost my strong,will never change positive feelings i have 4 my husband-he doesn’t believe me anymore & i/it’s perfectly/logically understandable!!!
    i only want my wonderful husband 2 b happy,mentally,emotionally/physically!i’ve fucked up so much thati don’t provide hime the emotional/mental/sexual stability yoone needs in a marriage! i’m lost! of late the severe deprssion has set in! the anxiety,hopeless,overwhelming feelings about mior and of course major issues,things,etc! my husband is staring 2 give up! no he doesn’t harm himself,but i don’t put it past himat times and in a certain decision that i have 2 make ‘cuz truly i want him 2 let me go! i want him 2 be able 2 find some1 special out there,that deserves him! i’m not worth anything he doesnt say that but he has viced some tvery true terribly shitty things that i’ve done 2 him! he’s very much insuated and out of understadable anger voiced that he can’t move /accept,but never 4-get some terrible things i said did 2 him! i really totally get it,any1 that truly loves like we love each other would get it! i’m riddled w/ guilt yes i know it’s my fault but i can’t seem 2 move on anymore! i’d prefer 2 b in a dark rm and sleep if possible ’til i parish but unfortunately,my time on earth is far from limited! so now what i don’t want 2 lve. my husband,it’s almost been 12 yrs. it’s not him,well a very lit’l bit of it’s him i know i’m repeating myself & understandably 2 a pt,he doesn’t believe me,but i just want 2 leave inhopes that he won’t giveup,very questionable though my tears don’t stop falling idon’t know if it’s possible 2 b anymore hopeless than i already am please i want help,anything 2 get out of my mean head i know i’m a piece of worthless shit i’m at a pt of no return my illness has taken a tun 4 the worst and 2 a pt it’s mostly my doing/fault!!!I so wish but i know, idon’t know how long i’ll make it it’s like the only way i will possibly b able 2 4give myself is for god 2 take me-if there is 1!? i don’t w/every fiber of my being want 2 hurt my husband i don’t deserve such a wonderful person,man husband iknow what i have is the best,top of the line but he doesn’t have that in me! i wisi i could wipeout my memory! i have ideas but i’ll definitely and won’t get the results i really need!! the only way eventually if i don’t passaway 1st ‘cuz my time will be up is 2 have dr’s shootme up w/ extremely strong meds 2 the pt where i’m slobbering gross i know but of late i’m really starting 2 fear that that’s what theier going 2 HAVE,NO OTHER CHOICE,2 DO IS THERE ANY SOLUTION WHAT HAVE I DONE CREATED. I’M SO HONEST AND AWARE OF MY SHITTY SELF-TERRIBLE SELF ESTEEM PLSE TELL ME THE PAIN,THAT I CREATED WILL PERISH THE TEARS,SO MANY OF THEM WILL STOP OVERFLOWING THE OCEANS IKNOWS THAT’S SO DRAMATIC BUT I CAN’T STOP BELIEVE ME ALTHOUGH I’M SURE NOONE DOES I’M NOT LOOKING 4 UNDERSTANDING,I KNOW THE TERRIBLE THINGS I’VE CREATED FOR MY HUSBAND W/OUT HOM I’M NOTHING HE FEELS THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME YES,I GET THAT BUT MY THOUGHTS ARE LOGICAL/FACTUAL,HIS LOVE IS FACTUALBUT,FUCK I DON’T KNOW I DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS EVEN GOING 2 B PLACED ON THIS BLOG SO HAT RIGHT-WHY GIVE A SHIT-IT’S NOT GONNA MAKE ANYTHING DIFFERENT FOR ME AND WHO THE FUCK WANTS 2 LISTEN READ THIS SHIT ANYWAY I THINK I’LL JUST COPY AND PASTE IT ELSEWHERE PUT IT ON A FLASHDRIVE-WHAT FUCKING EVER I DON’T KNOW WHAT 2 DO W/ MYSELF WHERE DO I TURNWHAT R MY CHOICES DECISIONS majority ,sorry 4 the caps,wasn
    t paying attn 2 screen just looked-up 2 light a cigand saw it otherwise sorry if this bmakes no sense spelling is incorect what have u i’m typing but basically have very lit’l concentration was hoping that doing this would ease my mind iknow stuoid thought seriously don’t know why i’ve continued on after realizing it’s not setting my mind at ease i’m just fucked-up life life is 2 much 2 handle mainly my fault counseling was beneficial but then had no wheels ‘cuz some1 smashed in2 it carless 4 a lit;l over a month sure it definitely didn’t help not being able 2 get counseling and they wouldn’t provide me w/meds even though ihad no transportation-plse really,they couldn’t make exceptions-talk 2 me on phone-provede meds by mailing in2 pharmacy yah o.k. rue laws r laws i still feel since i recently got out of hospital and it was a rather serious admission,yes,i do believe any hospital admission 4 anything’s seri9ous-whatever rt i made my bed so if i choose 2 i have 2 ,well not totally sleep in the fuckin’ thing i was watching this movie called bloodshed military guy was so abused by sargeant or whoever he became crazy & went on killing sprees in the end he said 2 a young girl who he was torturing and wanted to kill said the only way i can stop is 4 u 2 put me out of my midery and then i can finf some peace he wound-up blowing his brains out when girl said she wouldn’t kill him she wanted 2 help him she stood there scared ut of her mind gave him gun and closed her eyes assuming he was going 2 kill her but there was know way she was going 2 kill him she has a conscioce next thing u know he said stuff 2 her holding gun then paused and blew out his brains i could never kill any1i’ve never been had thoughts of homicide wht the fuck have some concern 4 people it’s sad and wish i could save those who want to kill themselves but that is way fucked up if they choose 2 take some1 w/ tthme plse life’s hard,so hard and it’s said so painful but no1 can convince me that oters should b taken down w/ u just cuz ur life whether someone losts of people hurt u it still never justifies killing some1 else-doesn’t matter howthe state of mind ur in=other peoples life r precious lve them alone! there is no excuse for killing any1 o.k mayb hard core totruers child killers, whathave u even than i’d have hard x killing them hel i was molested for 3-4 yrs sure i wanted ,i was so young the older perpetrator dead but hey it would take me if some1 actually borought hime 2 me,he’s in jail now 4 muder torture-i don’t know if i could do it i don’t have that in me now donm’t get me wrong if cxircimstanceas called 4 it no other choice i would kill som,eone if they we’re gonna kill my hussband and i die for him in a heatrbeat if needded &/or thought felt it was gonna be them or my husband but even that would kill me 2 know i killed somone yes a scum and he was gonnna kill my husband nope he’s the best man in my and others liives/life he belongs on this earth he’s so great intelligent loving caring empathetic + so much more any1 is lucky 2 b in his presence for short &/or long term He’ll never realize how ggraeat he is in my eyes and or others! so wish i could take away all his pain-he doesn’t deserve it never did never hurt any1life is somoverwhelminfg painful,shitty i’ve been up nowv4 approx 30some hrs sleep meds can work @ x but i really don’t like 2 feel drugged don’t abuse any meds never did overdoses ok 4 vgood reasonsbut 2 b drugged out ‘cuz of prescrp dr gives 2 u but no choice if you can;t live w/out them or u& docs afree will die eventually w/out them no way i’ve been thrusted upon pain,& only although it’s was totally unjustified all inflicted pain from other person or yourself inflicting your own painu know none of this matters ii’m not even sure what i’m writing fuck life and it’s totally fucked-up that there’s nothing nothing i can do 2 stop it anymore once u lose hope belief what is there my husband is so wonderful me on the other hand i’m far from it i have counseling and meds review doc 2dayoh and what’s that going 2 accomplish nothing more tears pain,yah real beneficialhuh but it’s law and i so want 2 get better so i have 2 keep trying rigth?!??? something has 2 give sooner than later i hope just most importantly i want my husnd all and than mmy dog 2 stay healthy me,me i always survive!I only prety much worry about husband & dog! plse always smile don’t give up on anything life i guess is what u make it -at least that’s what i have to believe or just keep trying 2 convince myself of it if u want/can help convince meunderstandably so you may want 2 reply nastily and i’ll still read it but of course i hope u won’t reply or if do give it 2 me straight but keep it a litl nice! take care people never 4 get that people love you, i ldo yes my husband’s mot loved and important 2 me and that will never change just widh i could convince him of that but understandably so w/ my asshole self i understand hehas so much hurt from me! hey someday it will get better rt????

  54. seeking self forgiveness says

    Hi L E,

    I’m not sure if you read my post, but my situation is similar. I did not become physical with another man, but I did flirt and send an inappropriate pic to an ex. I don’t even know why i allowed myself to do such a thing. I mean I know that I love my boyfriend with all my heart. I felt the same way you did though, that i was unsure of our relationship and where it was going. We have been together for over 7 years and we have talked about marriage many times, but he always says be patient or it will happen and i think i was feeling like maybe he wasn’t sure he wanted to marry me. So when my ex emailed me he started flirting and I allowed it to continue and when he asked for a pic i sent it without giving it thought. I immediately regretted it and ended our communication. I deleted his contact info and no longer speak to him at all. I also told my boyfriend about it because i didn’t want secrets between us.

    It has only been a month but I have having a very hard time forgiving myself. Even though my boyfriend says he forgives me it still haunts me in the back of my mind. Whenever anything comes up about cheating I immediately think is he going to bring it up again, or will he decide to leave? I worry that he may change his mind about us. I hate feeling this way. I want to let it go and move forward but it is very difficult.

    I completely understand how you feel. I think though that if your husband truly forgave you then you really need to begin to forgive yourself. We have to try and remind ourselves that we are not perfect and we made a mistake but we learned from it and would never do it again. We need to remind ourselves that even though it is not an excuse we reacted the way we did because we weren’t truly happy in our relationships at the time, there was something missing. I know for myself that I after this my boyfriend is the one I need to be more open with about my feelings so that I do not feel that way again. Hopefully we can find the strength to forgive ourselves and let go. How is your marriage? Do you feel happy with your husband?

    • L E says

      Hi seeking self forgiveness,

      Thank you for you response. Yes I did read your post and I understand how you feel. I think this communication has been a good start in the healing process.

      I don’t know if I will ever be able to completely understand how I could have let that happen years ago, but I know something was missing … and I also it will never happen again. It always is hard to hear when people say ‘once a cheater always a cheater’ because in my situation I can’t imagine how anyone would let it happen again if they felt the pain that I have.

      Your words are kind and much appreciated. My marriage is very good. We were engaged about a year after this happened and have been married about 4 years now. No one would know that I have had this struggle as we are best friends and very happy. He never brings things up from the past. After this happened, when we talked about if we could move on I told him that I understood if he couldn’t forgive me. We talked frankly about if he decided to forgive the situation he would not bring it up again, and honestly wanted to put it behind us. He didn’t even share this with his closest friends or his siblings to protect the future of our relationship.

      He doesn’t know how much this still haunts me to this day. That is hard because we do share everything, but this is not something I can talk to him about as I know it was painful enough at the time. I feel like this is my punishment to have to live with the guilt sometimes, but I’m working on it. It is helpful to ‘talk’ to someone who understands. :) You’re right – there was something wrong or off track that caused the reaction to the attention. I should have been stronge, but I was weak within myself. Letting go of negative energy is so important, but I don’t know what steps to take to get there. I hope you and your boyfriend can work through this. I hope he is as understanding as my husband is, because years later he loves me and I know he meant it when he said he forgave me.

  55. Kylie says

    I have a life full of mistakes and hurting others I have changed that part but never forgave myself so I live unhappy pretending things and others make me happy I cant truly be until I let it all go and stop baming…. I want to let it all go right all of it every lie, cheat,mistrust, paranoid thought spoke outloud to an undeserving person., physical hurting, everything ive ever don’t to hurt those that love me wether I meant to or not

  56. Ashley says

    I was emotionally involved with someone rather than my husband. I had intentions ending it the night it got physical and stopped it immediately once it did, of course alcohol was involved. I love my husband more than anything I don’t want to hurt him and that’s why I’m not telling him and it’s eating at me. I’ve cut ties with the other man but I just want to feel normal again!!! I LOVE you justin I’m so sorry I did this you did this to us!!

  57. L E says

    Hi,

    I just wanted to reach out as I just came across this website as I have been struggling with a situation that still haunts me years later in my marriage. It was a very complicated situation and many people were hurt by my actions.

    I cheated on my boyfriend of many years (he is now husband). Although we were not married at the time, we had been together for many years and were at a difficult time – maybe it felt like a crossroad in our relationship. Where were we going? Why did I not feel like I was getting enough out of this relationsip? I didn’t even want anythin from the other person, but for some reason I reacted to the attention he was giving me and let things happen that should not have. He forgave me, but even after a couple years I have struggled with how to forgive myself. He said he understood that we had been drifting apart and although he was very upset he knew things between us were not in a good place. We had a very rough period but tired to keep communication open. I offered to leave – expecting that would be what he might want. He wanted to work on things to see if we could get through it. He did not want all the details of the sitiation, and I gave him the option for me to tell him as much or as little as he wanted to know. Basically he wanted to know if it was over and it was. I wonder if it would have been better to tell him everything and put it out there, but I respected that he said heaing the details would be too painful and he didn’t want that in his head. Most of his friends and family don’t know this happened. Many of mine do as word got out in the small town I came from. I don’t visit there anymore from the guilt I carry.

    I have trouble engaging in conversations when there is a possibility the subject might come up to judge or discuss a similar situation. I’m always on edge thinking we are going to be in a setting where something might come up to trigger a reminder of what I did. Usually this is not even in a group where they know this has been a part of my life/ history. I’m not a bad person, but I did a very bad thing and caused pain. Everyday I wonder how I will ever be able to forgive myself. It is no easier today than it was when this happened years ago. I have also thought about seeing a therapist or a support group.

    I understand your story and I hope somehow things will begin to get easier and heal.

  58. Alias says

    That I gave up at U and I am now going backwards, having doubts on my abilities and intelligence. And that I have fears of having a job… which is really what holds me back from TRULY trying. I want to let this all go, and accomplish my goals.

  59. H says

    Hi sorry,
    I have this feeling like I was apart of this situation and its a highly probable chance that you are some random and it sounds a lot like a situation I was apart of but if its not then I know who you are and you would instantly know of me.
    Letting go is hard :) No body blames you for sorting you out. We all need to do what we need too, to live lives that aren’t just upright but that we also enjoy. Live life big, enjoy and let go.
    Would really like to know if this is you….
    -H

  60. Lonely in this relationship says

    My boyfriend who i was living with at the time put himself on an online dating site, saying that he was looking for his true love. All the time I was cooking, cleaning, sending him gifts, taking care of his children (which are not mine). I always wanted to make love more and be affectionate with him at times, but was always pushed away or treated like I was doing something wrong. He took me for granted, so I left him for about a month, but somehow he worked his way back in. He was a changed man for a couple of months until i decided to move back in with him. We had a couple of arguments where I went off and said his kids were fucked up, and his mother (who passed) would not be happy about what he is doing…I said alot of stuff that I should not have about him and his kid’s mother. I just wanted him to hurt like he hurt me. I am not proud of that, and I feel bad about it all the time. He told me it was okay, and he wanted to work things out and be with me, even marry me one day. So, we kept at it… we had a break through a couple of weeks ago…really talked about alot. I went to counseling and been going to church and reading the bible to help me let go of the anger towards him, and really just focus on me more. It has helped me take a step back and see things for how they really are. Ive taken steps back to give him space and the time he needs but he is so up and down with me. He is happy one moment then mad another and has been treating me so bad for a few weeks now. Ive tried to be nice and just stay happy or just walk away when we disagree so that we dont argue (just like he wanted) but he doesnt like that either. Pretty much I started treating him how he treats me because I thought that is the relationship he wanted because being myself felt like something wrong or not good enough. But, last night he finally just let it all out, and said he is still mad at me. That is why he acts the way he does or talks to me like the way he does. I dont understand because i didnt treat him bad or throw what he did in his face every chance i got when he did what he did. His kids love me and I love them with all of my heart. I spent my last dime making sure they were happy, but yet he tells me that when i correct them or talk to them I don’t have the right to. I know I am not their mother, nor am i trying to be, but either I am a parent figure or not. I have stood wherever he wanted me to for too long. I love him and I love his kids so much, i never meant to say they were fucked up, I meant that their situation is fucked up because their mother beats them, digs her nails into them and has them all confused about alot of things. His son asked him to talk to the mom about the abuse finally after telling his dad not to say anything for so long out of fear, and he still has not confronted her about it. Yet, I am crucified for trying to correct his son for rubbing his dirty feet all on clean clothes. I just am confused about what really is going on. One thing is clear though, that maybe while the idea of us being together is great; we just do not love each other the way two people should. I have given respect, and consideration, and compassion, and support throughout it all. I have gotten it from him, but only when he was willing to give it. I am tired, and I dont have to justify or prove myself to him even though ive said what i said because forgiveness is a choice. I choose to forgive myself and him and just move on from it. Thank you!

  61. Kat says

    I had lost my dog who had been a big part of my life for ten years. I also had been on several really bad dates. Being single did not bother me so much, until my dog had died and I moved to back to the state I was raised in. Being single, back “home”, and without my companion, I felt very alone. I went online and found a blog/chat group for health- minded people. I ended up talking with this man, who is married. It started innocently, then verged into sex talk. He had asked me to meet him which I refused to do so. I knew it was wrong. But, I was feeling lonely and needed someone to talk to. His wife found our messages. She has been sending me some very angry emails, which I do not blame her for. I feel so ashamed that I allowed a married man to talk to me and allowed it to become into inappropriate talks. I am so thankful that I was strong enough to keep it limited to just messaging. I believe in the sanctity of marriage and I violated that by talking to him. I hurt a woman, a wife, a mother, a human being by talking to her husband. I should have ended the messaging the moment it became inappropriate. Why didn’t I? How can I ever forgive myself? How can I even respect myself?

  62. amardeep singh says

    Yes I accept that I did alot of mistakes and all I m accepting my faults in life in relations life its all good as here in my relations its not that simple i loved two ladies and both of them left me for my mistakes for my clinginess for my insecurities but what is hurting me alot three words which shaked the earth from my feets You make me feel so bad as I cant make you happy more i m giving you more you are expecting she just rolled over me like this and i was crying from inside why i was like this i loved her from my heart now i just cant forgive my self i let her go and all I m praying for her well being when she was pulling

  63. JB says

    I am really in a rock in a hard place right now. Besides other issues that I am having right now, I have had relationships that ended due to my anger and insecurities which led me to be reluctant in pursuing another relationship. And to top it off, I recently had a first time encounter with a transgendered prostitute. I always wanted to experiment with one since I have an addiction to shemale porn.This has created some bedlam because I want to do the right thing by marrying and having children with a heterosexual woman but I want to be able to forgive myself and get help for my addiction so I will not let it hinder me and my future relationships.

  64. yvonne says

    I had an abortion at 14. I was lost. I was afraid. My mom wanted me to have an abortion, so I did. This started a life of self punishment that included sex, drugs, anger, depression and years of suicide attempts. I am 44 now. In 2009 I finally accepted God and turned my life around. I still smoke cigarettes…I want to let it all go. It wasn’t an angry adult I killed or self defense. I am a murderer. I murdered an innocent gift from God. Who knows what that babies purpose was.

  65. jim mckenna says

    Have a 7 year old daughter. Left when girlfriend was pregnant. Knew her 6 months when she got pregnant. Returned after 1 year and had a fair relationship with girlfriend. In Sept 2012 she had affair with a coworker that lasted a long time. She blamed me for not giving her a ring and making her my wife. I left when I realized she was still speaking with the other man. She wants to make it work, I have a lot of aniexty and have had it since she cheated. I left the house but feel guilty about not being a day to day Dad and partner.

  66. Jenn says

    That I used meth and heroin and it effected my children. I never wanted to hurt them . It’s been over 2 years of being clean and my 15 year old son lives with me and my daughter is far awAy with her Daddie. I love them so much and I’m so sorry . I just want everything how it used to b before I did drugs . I hate myself so much .

  67. bronwyne says

    I want to let go of being angry at my boyfriend for bracking my hard and getting anothe girl pregnant ,I want to let go and forgive

  68. W says

    How do you let go and forgive yourself, when you are the offender? I did something I never ever thought I would do…I cheated on my husband. When he found out, he asked me a lot of questions and to avoid him leaving I only told him some of it. I already knew what a huge mistake I had made and didn’t want to make it worse. Well, I think he found out the rest and has now left me and won’t communicate with me at all.
    I know I messed up huge, and I beg for his forgiveness, understanding and love to return. I hate myself everyday for what I ve done, for how I’ve hurt him.
    The person I cheated with had authority over me and I thought maybe I liked this person. I felt like I couldn’t say no or stop to him, but I also liked the positive attention I was getting from him. That is not an excuse for hurting my husband. I’ve sacrificed a lot to be with my husband, as he is bipolar and have fully supported him during his mental illness diagnosis, doctors visits, medication errors that ended up with him yelling, stomping, throwing stuff and threatening suicide. I knew these things were not him but the illness, and I worked hard to help find the solution. He would get stable with meds and everything would be great but then the mania or depression would return.
    During the time I cheated, he was going through a major depression for over a month. He was sleeping constantly, not showering or doing anything. I guess I felt lonely, and I guess it really comes down that the attention I was getting from the other person made me feel good. I feel horrible saying that.
    I wish I could explain things to my husband. It was wrong to cheat, to lie, and maybe I didn’t support him as much as I could have during his depression or bipolar episodes. I love him so much. I hate myself more than he hates me….I wish he could understand just a little bit why I strayed. I want to work on things with him and have my marriage back. He hates me though as I did the unthinkable and trust on both sides is gone. I believe anything can be rebuilt but he doesn’t.
    I am sure his family hates me and is telling him to stay away. His friends too. If only they knew a little bit about his bipolar and what it’s like to be around someone through an episode. They only se bits and pieces and he shows them his good side only.
    I don’t think I can let go or forgive myself ever…and I don’t think I deserve to. Nothing can erase the cheating and the lying to the one person that trusted me.
    If anyone can relate I would love to have some kind of support group or chats. Maybe we can help each other. Or if anyone has been able to get their husband or wife to forgive them for cheating and lying, I would love to hear from you about how you were able to move forward together. This is all I want with my husband.

  69. I feel your pain says

    I completely understand how you are feeling. I did not actually become physically intimate with another man, but I did send him a risky picture and flirt. I realized it was wrong and deleted his contact info and told my BF about it. I still feel so horrible about it. I truly love my BF and don’t want or need anyone else. He forgave me but I still can’t seem to forgive myself. Has it gotten any easier for you? We are good people we just made dumb mistakes and bad decisions. I hope your relationship is still going well. It hasn’t been long for us, but I think we can survive this. I hope. Good luck!

  70. Carpenter Gilbert says

    Hey I am a white male age 70 I had one brother 6 yrs older than I . Our mother was divorced since I was age 2 and my mother was really a great lady . My brother did every thing right in school and collage and I did it all wrong only two years of collage.I had some help so I did have a fair job . I thing that I just never grew up and I was married 4 times and the last marriage I drink a lot and was verbally abusive and she had two kids and that did not help them. I have just now started to see all my mistakes and it haunts me really bad and I can’t sleep some times and wake up as new mistakes unfold in my mind. I have asked God to save me and forgive me and I am just trying never to hurt anyone and do what God wants in the rest of my life. I am wondering if God it wanting me to see these things about my self and I think that my faith is getting stronger and it sure needs to be. I never have found anything that I want to make a career out of. I sure would like to talk to some who is smart about these things and maybe if I could just understand why I am the way I am or have been in the past and still have some of those bad thoughts from time to time . If some one could just give me a logical reason why I have turned out this way. Well I have never done any thing illegal and have gotten along with most people out of marriage and I am thinking that it was the maturity that was to a lot to blame and my dad was abusive verbally and physically. . Thanks for listing who ever you are.

  71. Doris says

    Iam letting go of hiting my aunt out of anger and she die without me apologizing to her that feeling has been haunting me,hope she forgive me

  72. Stay strong says

    I am so sorry that you are struggling so much to let go of your guilt. I know you feel as though you made the worst mistake(s) in the world, but I believe that you are still a good person. We are all human and sometimes we make bad decisions for whatever reason we need to move on and forgive ourselves. Even though at this time you feel like you cannot move on, please know that you are important and your life is so precious. I am sure that given some time you will forgive. I do not know what the exact situation is, and if your husband can forgive you, but you must forgive yourself. You are not a bad person, you simply made some mistakes. If you truly love your husband give him time, nurture his pain and hurt, and maybe in time he will forgive you and see that he loves you still. I wish you the best of luck and know you are loved.

  73. Seeking self forgiveness says

    I would like to start by saying I wish I could go back in time and have a chance to change my stupid behavior. A few weeks ago I made a really dumb decision and started emailing an ex….we started flirting and he got a little sexual, I didn’t really reply sexually to him just kind of answered questions about what I do with my current boyfriend. This is still stupid because I should’ve stopped the conversation there…either way I continued to reply and at one point he asked me to send him a pic (not just a sweet here I am pic) and like the idiot that I am I did. After sending the pic I realized this is soo wrong of me because If my boyfriend were doing this I would be upset. I never had any intentions of being physical with this person I don’t even have any feelings for him…I think I was just in need of the attention. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 7 years and I have been ready to move on for a few years now, but he keeps telling me to be patient and I am trying my very best. I love him with all my heart but I think I when my ex started flirting with me I was feeling lonely, and unsure of where my relationship was heading so I just didn’t think and instead reacted. It is not an excuse…I knew I shouldn’t of talked to him yet I did, at the time I didn’t think anything of it until I sent that stupid pic, then it liked clicked that I shouldn’t be letting someone talk intimately with me or see me because that is what I should share only with my partner. I did tell my BF because I couldn’t continue our relationship with a lie….we always said we would be honest with each other. I knew I was risking losing him and his trust, but he deserved to know. I know I will never do this again because I know it was wrong and I hurt the person I love dearly. I also stopped contact immediately with my ex and deleted his contact info. My BF has chosen to forgive me and give me a second chance (which I am so grateful for) but I can’t seem to let go of the guilt. I never thought I would be the type of person who could cheat on someone I love (even though it wasn’t physical) I betrayed my BFs trust. I keep wishing I could go back and change what happened, but I can’t. I need to find a way to let go of the guilt and realize I made a dumb, dumb mistake but I am still a good person. If my BF can forgive me I need to forgive myself. I hope that we can truly move forward from this and continue with our relationship. he doesn’t treat me differently and says to forget it soo please let me forget it. I made a bad decision and I am paying for it everyday with my own horrible thoughts.

  74. Time to forgive says

    When I was younger I lied a lot and hurt a lot of people. I told some disgusting lies; lied to make things seem worse than they were, lied about my achievements, said things happened to me and people said things that they didnt, told lies about my health and situation to cover for my laziness. I lied because I didnt feel like I was enough. I was angry and confused over losing a parent/best firend at such a young age. I wanted another reason to feel angry so I didnt have to face the truth, so lied about things that I and other people had done. I even began to believe the lies. The thing with lying is you can stop telling new lies but you cant just drop some old lies because people around you that you care about think they are true. Im so so sorry for making things up and hurting people. Im sorry that people got so upset. I wish I could go back in time and not hurt anyone but I cant. Im just sorry. And Im sorry that I was never proud of myself enough to admit when I had failed at something but been confident enough to hold my head up high and try again. Instead I lied about how well I did. Im sorry that I didnt want to believe that I lost the most wonderful parent at such a young age and instead I pretended I was hurting for other reasons. Sometimes I feel I have forgiven myself and I have let it go, but then an old lie rares its ugly head and I am overcome with guilt and shame again. And disgust at myself. Now its time to let the past be the past. I cant change it. But I can be a better person in the future.

  75. just me says

    i fucked-up my husband emotionally,to the point where i see no return the guilt it eats away @ me so so so much guilt & i created it unintentionally but a fuck-up is a fuck-up unintentional or not i just need a reason..a reason?? i’ve never loved any1 like i love,am in love & like than this wonderful man,person & husband-but he’s never,and i don’t blame him,gonna forgive me after 12 yrs. of being 2gether-i can’t escape from myself;i hate looking in the mirror & i deserve to be treated like shit & mayb,just mayb don’t deserve to b forgiven plse don’t be nasty w/ ur replies-please,please,don’t be!!! i just wanta sleep-mayb 4-ever-maybe not?! no matter where i go,just like any1 else who’s done what i have,i can’t escape myself! so,now what? now fucking what? what do i have to hold on2? i c no way out! no where 2 turn! i made my own bed & can’t sleep in it-no i don’ want to sleep in it! my fucking mind won’t shut down! There’s not enough prescrips to stop this created pain & tears.so many tears! i’m pretty young so god won’t take me soon,i’ll go 2 hell anyway! no this is not a dramatic,pity party 2 me-just a way 2 get this out where no one that knows me,can c this! please,please,i beg you,no sarcastic,nasty,even though i deserve it,replies?! please,none!

  76. Seeking Peace says

    I want to let go of the shame, guilt and general self punishment that I am putting myself through surrounding a break up with my girlfriend of 7 years. She was truly an amazing woman and loved me completely. I never fully advanced the relationship and built the lasting bonds she needed to continue to stay with me. She never pressured me to marry her but I knew thats what she wanted. I just kept easing along. She works a lot and I guess I worried that if I am feeling lonely now (not her fault) perhaps marriage is not the answer. What makes it so hard is I loved her, her family and just wanted more of her. I am self employed and have done very well. I have sacrificed a lot of freedom and finances to keep the relationship together. I believed it was worth it. However I grew restless over time, I even cheated on her with random girls when I was out of town. I guess I was afraid to leave her but was not satisfied. Our relationship grew stale and very routine. I pushed her away when she wanted to save the relationship partially because I was unconscious of the true gravity of the situation. Once she made the decision to leave I became very emotional. It has been 5 months and I am getting stronger but I still have deep regrets that she might have been the best partner I will ever have and I messed it up. I am nearly 33 and during the last 7 years shared amazing things with this woman. I was arrogant and perhaps selfish. I think I was dealing with a form of covert depression for much of that period which might explain some of the defenses I put up. At any rate I hope the pain of regret and lost love steadily wanes and I can move forward. My shaken identity is also a big factor. All I can say is I hope the universe has a plan for me because right now it feels like I am the biggest failure on the planet.

  77. luckey says

    I met a girl a few weeks back and started feeling for her. We hung out and talked alot about stuff neather of us have told anyone. She felt like a best friend and possibly someone I could fall in love with one day. Ive been in alot of relationships where I was made to feel like I did things wrong. And I did do some but most were petty but I was ignored for long periods of time for them. Via txt. So I got use to apologising sometimes non stop for days via txt.tell finally I would receive a text saying that she wasnt that mad a me or something of the sort. Well also I have a bad problem with saying things I think in a mean way when I drink. And I’m hurt / emotional/ worried/ stressed. Well well call her new girl. She had been with another guy dating and came to the conclusion that it was wrong of her to date 2 people. In my sober mind I totally understand. And I would love to have just remained friends. Honistly I have no friends to hang out with in my area. No one comes over. Exc. So for her to come over hang out spend the night cuddle. Omg I was in heaven! Well when she told me it was via txt. I wanted her to still come over. Figured she wouldnt . Got drunk. Txt some more. Felt bad for bugging her. Was worried about her. Felt like if I could talk to her I could help her relax and make her happy. Well no responses. And drunkenness lead me to the old path. Apologise apologise over and over. Finaly I fell asleep drunk to wake and drink even more. 3am guzzling beer after beer. Crying. Hating self. So I txt a mean message saying she was crazy and the guy she was dating was probably doing some other girl and alot of other mean stuff. :-( then for two days still drinking I apologised over and over again. Hating myself for being a asshole. Hell I didnt even remember typing or sending the text. Was told never talk to her again. Via txt. So now I’m all alone again. Not a friend in the world to hang out with. Found a amazing girl but had to fuck it up cuz I didnt know how to manage my sadness and hurt. Or how to realize she was probably going through something herself. I was just thinking about myself. How hurt I was. So yup I’m the evil asshole. So now ill have to live the rest of my life knowing that I fucked up a friendship that could have lasted a life time. But she helped me give myself my life back. Ive been living a life of not caring about anyone or anything most my life. Living in the moment forgetting what ive done wrong in the past or things done to me in the past. Just so I could get by or live with myself. Well now I know. I need help. So I’m going to get counseling and on anti depressants. And sleep meds. Ive been sleeping 5 hr a night for 4 months. Think that and the drinking have just made me into a person I really am not comfortable being. I loved the old me. The one she got to know. Not the bad me. The one she should have never had to meet. So here’s to you my dear friend ill never get the chance to talk to again :’-( you probably saved my life. Ty pray one day we can be friends again. Big huggs

  78. alias says

    My fiancee and I have been together for 5 years. In high school he made me do stuff that I did not want to do and it made me feel so dirty. But I did it because I got tired of him asking me. Well everyday that I did something I wanted to go home and kill myself because I was so ashamed. I lost my virginity at 16 and I wanted to wait till I was married but I was talked into doing it. I got called a slut and a whore around my high school because what I had did. My fiancee had sent to basic and I had slept with 4 different guys I dont know if it was out of spite or what but everyday of that summer I cried myself to sleep. Now were living together and he wants to have sex with me all the time and I dont. I’m so caught up in guilt that I don’t want to do anything with him because of my past. I hope by getting this out I can go back to my normal life without the feeling of guilt.

  79. BF says

    I was somehow involving a relationship one year after my divorce. The worst thing was the partner who was in relationhip with me was on a process of divorce, and at the present, still on the fighting with his wife.

    A little regarding his marriage background and divorce process. He felt to be cheated by his wife, but his wife wants the even division of their co-owner house. He thought the house inherited from his grandmother, he doesn’t want to give that portion to his wife. They married for 8 years. He found he had been cheated one year ago, and his wife moved out from their place right after, he transferred his job in another country wanted to a brand new life. But they didn’t divorce when seperate.

    He was seeking dating partners before coming to the new country, and dating with different persons. He is not a bad man, I shall say, he doesn’t want to cheat others as he was to be cheated.

    I had written communication with him, thought he is a reasonable person, profession on communication, a kind of reliable person. We had had good communications. When he went to the new courtry where his job supposed to transfer, we met there after months communciation, we like each other very well. But at that time, I don’t know how complicated his current marriage was, he just mentioned he was still on the process of divorce when we met face by face.

    When we returned back for packing and empty the house and wanted to rent it out. But I felt there was wrong when I communciated with him when he was back home. After my questions, he admitted and said his wife made the divorce hard and painful.

    We had some communciations in written when I knew he was not ready for the relationship with me as he was hard with the divorce process.

    We planned to meet and spend some more time when he was back from home and officially settled down in the new country, but it didn’t happened due to the sad communications after he told me he needs more time and space to deal with troubles.

    After three months, we somehow connected again, as we were caring each other always, he said he was very sorry for the pain brought to me, if it’s possible, he would like to revert the time and never bring hurt to me. He wants to compensate.

    As I was loving him, but restrained due to the bad time to meet. I would love to have the second chance we were be together.

    The bad things repeated again, he was confusing, hesitate, not really devote to me. I was changing to a person I don’t like, I read minds, angry. I just knew recently, he is still fighting with his wife on the seperation of the house and will go to court on the divorce process.

    In addition, he was contineously meeting new people from dating recourse, with different person. I am not suspect his rolyaty, but I am sure he is in a bad circle of disastor of the divorce and insecurity with new people.

    Well, I know this kind of relationship will ruin me. I have to stop it. I just felt so painful and bad. I was just expecting his comfort words and wanted to know he was really caring me and loving me as he said. Otherwise, this is kind of being cheated. I left the country we met, I am going to move to another new country, and planned study and running my own business there. The steps for me, I shall say it’ great for a new start.

    Still, I am not that efficient on working and focusing on my job. As the contineous pain I sufferred during the last 8 months.

    How can I live in a more positive way more focusing on my stuffs and forgive meself?

  80. Morgan says

    I want to let go of the guilt and regret of ruining my relationship with my ex. I was very insecure and I pushed him away and really hurt him. I was over the top emotional all the time and very needy, yet pushy at the same time. It was hurtful, burdensome, and overall horrible to be with me. I want to let go of the guilt I feel for putting someone I care about through all of that. I feel terrible for hurting him and making him so miserable. I also want to let go of the regret. I really messed up something that could have been beautiful had I just not been so insecure. I feel I will always miss him and want him back and I will never find someone better or be happy with anyone else. This fills me with regret and self-hatred and for “ruining my life.” I want to forgive myself and let it go.

  81. Joel says

    Married 22 years. Have not always been faithful. No long running affairs but 3 or 4 brief and end it fast. Have 2 daughters I love more than life. No one would suspect. The Guilt and self loathing is killing me. Finding it difficult to forgive myself

  82. Joanna says

    I want to let go a past of drug abuse which led to many kinds of terrible behavior. I want to move forward from this and stop feeling like I’m not good enough for the good people in my life. I don’t want to feel like I am undeserving of healthy relationships because I have a history of unhealthy ones. I want to learn to be loved again.

  83. Billy Carpenter says

    Well I am now age 70 a single ,ale and here goes I have been married 3 times and I made plenty of mistakes I am not to blame for all of it however i sure did my share of damage . I have one daughter and she is 40 now and her, mom and I were divorced when she was age 4 and they moves 150 miles away and I had visitation rights every other weekend and had to drive 70 miles half way to get her . Her mother did not want me to see her and one mistake was that I did not get her hardly at all and it is bothering me now. About a year ago my daughter started talking to me and I thought that she might want to be close to me and it was great and I would give her money at Christmas and then she started asking for more money from time to time however No a lot $500. once and she last time she asked for a loan of $500 and said that she would pay it back and she did pay back $100.00 of it and she clled and said that her husband and her were not getting along and she was living in the basement with no money and that her mother would not let her come and stay with her and I just don’t believe that and I told her that it seemed that she just wanted money from me and that was the reason for the relationship and if I was wrong I sure would make it up. Well I have not heard any thing from her and she will not ans my letters. My last marriage was not good after a while and I would drink too much and would be verbally abusive with her and she would love to just start picking on me as to just start trouble. A lot of things on my job comes back to haunt me also and I just was not as good at the job as I should have been and that is keeping me up at night and I sure would like to know it I will get this and for some reason it is just now bothering me and most of this happened years ago. I never had any intentions of ever hurting any one and I think that I have never really grew up. I Well that is some of it and it feels good to talk about it even if I hate myself for some of my past actions.

  84. Grace says

    I drunkely kissed someone whilst in a committed relationship. My boyfriend forgave me completely, but I can’t seem to forgive myself and I live with the guilt every day.

  85. getting better says

    I cheated on my wife years ago on different occasions and feel horrible. She’s the love of my life. I can’t begin to express how badly I feel. She did not deserve what I did to her. I feel like I don’t deserve her because of this. But I must let this go. I must get better for not only my sake, but for hers—the longer I keep this in, the longer it’ll be before I get back to being the husband that she deserves. Thus, I must hereby forgive myself for my trespasses against her. I forgive myself finally, after years and years and endless moments of tearing myself up and not focusing enough on her instead of these past acts. I forgive myself for that as well. The past is gone, I am only losing the present and the enjoyment I could be having with her by continuing to hold on to what I can’t change, that which I should only look to learn from. But what I can change and learn from is today. Today is here and I am determined to grab it now and forgive myself for the past. I’m ready to embrace the now and while not forgetting the past, forgiving it and forbidding it from foreclosing on my future and her future, the future she wants with a healthier and happier me. That past is only here for me now to learn from, not to regret from. I forgive myself.

  86. Alex says

    The other night, I was having a meal at my flat with my flatmate and 1 other friend of ours, a girl whom I have not known for that long but we all get along well. We were drinking wine with the meal and I received an email just after eating saying that my new job’s probation was over and I had passed it. I felt very happy so we opened a bottle of Prosecco and then kept drinking wine. I remember nothing after about 11 pm but woke up in bed with my friend in my bed too. I do not remember anything happening but I feel like things did happen, just an inate feeling that I can’t explain, and I had some very troubled dreams that night, more nightmares. I have a girlfriend whom I love more than I can describe, we have been together for over 6 years and we are looking to move into a flat together ASAP. I feel so insanely guilty and I hate myself for what I think I have done, but more than that I hate myself for putting myself in a position where I was not in control and thereby dishonouring myself and her. My GF has been going through a very tough time with her job recently, she is a teacher and is finding it very stressful and considering moving career paths, she is also find it deeply affecting her confidence. I know that I need to tell her and explain that I feel like I have destroyed everything that I stood for and loved. I love her so much that I am willing to do anything at all to prove that I will not allow myself to be in a position like that again. I would literally give her my life if I could, I cannot express just how dire I feel, food does not go down and I cannot stop shaking. I cannot hate myself any more than I do now but I know that in order to make up for it I need to learn to accept I made a terrible mistake and make all the efforts to better myself. I do not however want to make my GF’s life any harder than it is already! I partly think that I should keep it to myself as it was not a “concious” decision and therefore I do not need to work out any deeper problems in our relationship. I must simply dedicate my life to bettering myself and making sure that all the mistakes I made are not repeated. However I do not want to make it worse in the long run. All I want to do is what is best for my GF, she is all I can think about, but in what can only be a selfish thought, I cannot bear to lose her, even though in so many ways I do not deserve her?

  87. Regret says

    I created a fundraiser in my town to help those in a recent natural disaster. I enlisted the help of rotc cadets to stand out in uniform in from of stores to ask for donations, much like the VFW buddy poppy. Although only a few people showed up to help, we ended up making over $800 in a mere 6 hours. My “best friend” and I at the time were in constant trouble- we never got caught, but we skipped school, lied, stole, and cheated our way to get things that we wanted. Her and I ended up going on a mini shopping spree and spending all the money that the fundraiser made. I recently started my own business to make the money back- and I have 5 more days to do so, as the ROTCs want a receipt of the money sent to out into their records. I’ve held this off for months. My “business” is by making crafts and selling them. I don’t know how I’m going to do this, I’ve been selling everything I have. I’ve lied so much to get what I want. I tell myself that today I’m going to go without lying but it never happens. My “best friend” alienated me from a huge group of friends, and now at school I have nobody. Rrslly, I don’t want to know any of them anymore. I want to cancel them out of my life and start again. I’m going away to college this year, in a different town. When I move I’m planning on changing my number, blocking many people off Facebook, and changing my email. I don’t want to know anybody from my past because those feelings of guilt just hit me like a naval ship. I’m just crushed. I feel guilty and stupid.ashamed. I couldn’t tell anybody what happened because if I do, I lose my college scholarships and an otherwise good reputation. Honestly, sometimes I want to die because I feel like a horrible person.

  88. Sorry says

    About 4 years ago I went through a major emotional and spiritual shift. I ended a painful relationship, and several friendships that I believed at the time were also un healthy. I distanced myself from my family, and set out on my own path of self discovery which has lead me to greater health, happiness, and a marriage that supports and sustains me in ways I never experienced before.
    The guilt, shame, pain I hold onto that I am LETTING GO of, is that during that time I also seemed to hurt a lot of those people who saw themselves as good friends and people who really cared about me. I blamed them more than I should for my own emotional challenges and issues and created a lot of confusion and anger from people that I tried so hard to make understand what I was going through. Ultimately my actions came across as harsh and insensitive, but I was only doing what I knew how to do which was protect and preserve my self. I now know that there are much kinder, gentler ways to set boundaries and be honest with people- and that its okay if they still dont get it. However, I didnt know then or have the tools to deal with this better. I have not recovered any of these relationships and still believe I am better off with out them- I just wish I didnt continue to worry what any of these people still think or feel about me, and I no longer want to carry around the guilt of hurting or abandoning people when I needed to work on my self and my own issues. I have forgiven them for the things I felt were not ok in our relationships, I now need to let go and forgive myself once and for all. I will not carry the shame or guilt of my past mistakes or relationships anymore. I deserve to be free and happy and enjoy my life and the people I choose to have in it TODAY. I will do my best to never repeat the same mistakes, and handle things in kinder healthier ways, and I will trust myself to do this. I have realized that I had a rigid view of who I was supposed to be and have also softened and allowed much more of my and others humanity in than I used to. I will choose gratitude for my awareness and again, LET GO of wishing I had done things differently.
    Thank you

  89. godcanhealanything says

    I can relate to your hurt and guilt in which you are currently feeling . Yes, You may have feel you have done a bad thing but God made us he knows us better than we know ourselves. He wants you to come to him ask him for his forgiveness. He sees your heart and your despair. He doesn’t want you to hurt because he loves you so much. We are all imperfect in an Imperfect world. You are doing one good thing acknowledging your mistake. Just think how things could have gone and become worst if this lingered. I pray that God heals your relationship with your brother and that he will give you the strength to forgive yourself. ” Do not lean upon Your own Understanding” he knows come to him , he will fix this.

  90. Godcanhealanything says

    My past childhood something I was told I did as a child , I would like to let go and forgive myself. Although its not big to others I have a very sensitive character and heart and I think about it daily but I know that GOD is able. I speak to him, I supplicate to him, I pray and in him I am a new creature and I encourage all of you to get to know the man that can do all things.

  91. Idiot says

    I am so sorry for throwing that snowball at your face, I swear I was not trying to hit you… it was the group to the side of you I am in idiot I yelled out sorry but you didnt hear its all my fault i would be angry to if someone did that i jnderstand if u hate me it just hurts so much to be hated by a stranger now everyone probably thinks im just a bratty bully who does mean stuff to little kids I hate myself how will i let go i hate everyone hating me i wish i could just

  92. Leslie says

    Putting notes to the back of a girl o
    In public middle school who was fat and the signs say the ground rumbles when I walk, just call me rumbles. I was a bully to her in school and still regret it now as an adult.

  93. skyfalls says

    I think I will be forgiven. I hate lying. The lies almost killed me.i did want to lie to her but I had to keep it a secret

  94. skyfalls says

    I met a person who I fell for. His fake charm and fake kisses. Fake care. I hate him. He had no idea what he put me through a secret that I cant fix.i hate him.i could have kept my baby but I knew he was an asshole and would abandon me!I hid it from him and not a soul will know but one person!that fckn doctor! I need to understand that I wanted this and I paid the price.i want to let all go I want to forget I want to forgive. It is so hard. I thought that doing what I did would make my life better. I was wrong so wrong that it killed my spirit. I have to not blame him for doing this to me but forgive him. I did it to myself. Its all my fault. I hate myself. I have to not look back I have to forgive him for abandoning us. My baby is in heaven. He I d a cruel and selfish man that will never know what I went through.he has no idea! I really fell for him. I am so stupid. How can I! Forgive that man! He is so cruel. So cold hearted! I need to pray for him!and forgive for not caring! I have to love my enemies I have to know that I need to smile to live. He took my heart and crushed it into a million pieces! Tod a y I kept thinking about him but I got so angry and spiteful. When I aborted my baby I felt so empty. So unhappy. I lost everything because of him! My marriage is doomed. I know it takes two to tangle but I have a grudge against him. My tears are cleaning my soul along with praying. I let go God! I in my heart fogive him now. I need to to move on move foward. I need this I need to let it out now after so long. I will one day have a good man and I won’t vbe a fool this time.i cant blame the doctor either. Because I convinced him.which I should have not used his weakness against him,MONEY! I was just another PROCEDURE! When I am through with letting my secret out I am going to be myself again. Which I haven’t been . I use to have a good spirit a live spirit that he broke and broke hard.he hurt me so bad.i don’t want to think of him ever.i dont want to ever speak his name again. That was a chapter in my life and this is new chapter. A clean chapter. I start anew from this day foward. I have to do this to heal properly. I want to be able to joke a n d laugh again. I loved him because we had a bond that he will never know. I will never tell a soul. This is my deepest and darkest secret. I may say some things to certain people to let out alittle, but not the whole truth. The lie felt better, and that is what killed me.i fogive you .I forgive you.i forgive you…now truely I forgive. I had to let it out. I have to keep telling myself that. And reminding myself that I choose this and its my fault. I acknowledge my mistake now God… lies never set anyone free. It almost killed me. I pray that he forgives me in heaven when he finds out the truth from God.if I go there. I am not worthy…but I pray that he is forgiven for the way he treated me.i forgive now. The question is will I be forgiven by God. I forgive myself now. I am not perfect and never will be. I am only human.i hope that one day I will stop making people take my kindness for weakness. I feel sane again. I vented the whole truth. I never even asked G o d to forgive me for the abortion, only now I did. It feels so good to forgive. And let go of the past. And if I ever do see him out there I wont do what I wanted to do to him before flick him off. But I still will keep my secret from him forever.

  95. justin smothermon says

    I have either quick or just given up on everything I have ever studied, trained or engaged in because, though I hate to place blame but, my father has always stepped in and said to me that I am doing it wrong and that I will never get it right, and stipulates that if it where him that he would and has done it right the first time. so, I just walk away, lose interest and the things I once found fun or had a passion for I have no interest in doing, that includes work. I found myself in a deep deep deep depression about two years ago and walked away from my job and a skilled trade I once was proud of and this to was a choice I made a long time ago when I decided to follow my father into the field of business he was in all to show my father that I respected him and possibly he would be proud of me for being right there with him. yet, that to became hopeless and disheartening after so much negative criticism from my dad, yet I had surpassed his skill level,, he still had me under his thumb in a manner of speaking. as I said I walked away from my job and my home and all my bills and loans and became dependent on whoever was willing to put up with me in the state and frame of mind I was now in. I have not yet found o job and its been close to two years and I am still feeling like there’s no hope and yet again my father has proven me right that I guess I will always fail…..

  96. Erica says

    I was talking to this guy this summer and we were sapose to hang out we both really like each other and the day before we were saposed to hang out this guy at college kissed me and gave me a hickey. I know I wasn’t dating the one guy so its not cheating bit I just can’t seem to forget it I regret it so much now me and the guy from the summer are together and he gets so mad about it. I’d do anything to go back in time so this didn’t happen I wish I could. Ilove the guyim with and I really hate my past mistake I dont know how to get over this.

  97. Maria says

    I cheated on my long distance boyfriend. I told him, answered all his questions but kept one secret. My friends were there at the time, one of them is an acquaintance of his. I told my friends that my boyfriend and I were not together at the time, to make myself look like a better individual, while in fact, we were. He doesn’t know that I told this lie to my friends. I don’t have the heart to tell him and hurt him even more. But the guilt is terrible. My boyfriends now hate my friends because he believes that they knew, when they didn’t. The regret of that night still haunts me. He is the best man. I plan to marry him. But I don’t want to keep this secret from him.

  98. lonely says

    i am having guilt of getting invloved on text messages with my cousins daughter. se is younger to me and she also showed some interest in me and being separated from my wife felt special when the importance was given to me and kept chatting with he ron phone. soemtimes she was okay talking about everything and sometimes she will object to it.she also messaged me and then we used to start talking and she never showed no to my flirty comments with her . we used to like of an on once in a month types. but suddenly i came t know that she told her father(m cousin about it ) and i felt hurt. she always showed interest in me too and now i am feeling stupid and guilty. i am feeling i have not done the right thing bytalking to my brothers daughter. i am feeling too stressed and not able to show my face to him again. i know i made a mistake and its just not my fault because she never ignored me or told em to stop. when i stopped talking to her she was the one who messaged me and then again we started talking. i dont know what to do. i am feeling so guilty. it was the biggest mistake of my life. i felt for fake love and importance to kill my loneliness and trying to feel important without my ex.
    please help me god and get me out of this. i am clueless. i feel stressed and bad and guilty all day.
    i cant even cry

  99. Rebecca says

    When he broke our engagement I felt so much anger towards him. I felt that I wasn’t worthy anymore. He just said he wasn’t ready at that time. Had I been more prettier or more of anything he would have wanted to marry me. He felt terrible and spent the next year trying to make it up to me, by taking me to movies and dinners, but what I needed was for him to tell me that I was worthy. I allowed myself to feel unworthy and allowed this self-depreciative attitude to take root. Bitterness set in and the following year, I grew so angry at him and I treated him unkind. Instead of forgiving him and moving on, I blamed him for my negative state. I blamed him for my stalled future. He ended up breaking up with me a year later and said that my negative attitude was too much for him. Had I dealt with my anger initially and forgiven him I wouldn’t have been so angry. Instead of embracing his fears and helping them through it I blamed him and in turn became so negative that he ended up leaving me for good. The guilt I feel for not forgiving when I had the chance is unbearable. Let go and let God

  100. Boo says

    I was so desperate to be loved that I refused to give a child back to its natural mother, because I couldn’t stand the thought of losing love when i had never had it before.

    I neglected my mother when I had the chance to get affection and love, even though she had dementia.

    I pushed a girl over when she brought a guy home and used cocaine with him. I was jealous because she had slept with me and stopped.

    I resented my mother and made her life hell, because of the abuse I had received from my father that she had overlooked.

    I lied to make myself look good

    I created drama to get attention

    I punched cousin’s girlfriend because I wanted her out of my cousin’s life because I was scared of being abandoned by my cousin again

    I lied and caused terrible pain to my cousin when I thought she had attempted to ruin my reputation to someone else

  101. luis says

    i want to to let go of the past hurts my bestfriend did to me. She kept on ignoring me… I was only good to her as when I’m needed. I really wanted to communicate with her but she tried to avoid me. I was always there for her wherever she needs me but when its my time to be heard about what’s worrying me or about my problems, she gets irritated and finds me overly dramatic and sensitive. Whenever she needs someone to talk to, I was always there for her. When she needs help, I’ve always showed her that I’m ready to help her. She is taking me for granted. She’s always been a priority but I was just an option to her. When she’s happy with her friends, she doesn’t even care if I’ve have been waiting for her reply long enough. But when she’s down, she would always text me anytime of the day even at the wee hours. She doesn’t want to talk things about our struggling friendship. She doesn’t want to talk about issues concerning our friendship. She only wants us to move on without talking about the things that made us fight. She started to avoid me and started distancing herself from me. I was deeply hurt. I could not even tell her I I feel about the situation. I was so down. I was even asking her to her me go through with my personal struggles but she never bothered to ask how I am? I noticed that everytime I am in financial trouble, she is trying to distance herself from me. I don’t even want to involve her in matters concerning financial concerns, all I wanted was to share what was bothering me.so I could a least release my fears. She knew I was going through tough times, but she didn’t care. I have cried a lot of times because of the pain it had caused me. For almost two months of not communicating with me, she finally made a move to greet me for the the holiday seasons. I admit I also have a share for the falling apart of our friendship that is why I apologized for the things that caused her pain because of me. We both had our own share for the falling apart of our friendship.. I responded to her texts because I still value our friendship. We’ve been friends for almost thirteen years and we had lots of good memories. I’m feeling a lot better now. She’s trying to reach out. I’m also responding to her but I don’t initiate the texting. I was rejected a lot of times before the the months of silence. She is still important to me and still I want her to be part of my life, to be my bestfriend. I want to move from this hurts. I wanted to forget what happened in the past. I don’t want to go through what I’ve been through in the past months. I want to let go of all these thoughts that keeps on reliving on my thoughts. and causing me to feel hurt. I want to let go of this. I wanted to forgive her and move on with my life. I am so positive that God will reconcile us. But I want to let go of this pain, forgive her and be forgiven so we can be back to being friends again and work it out to be the best of friends. After this, I will never go back to where this pain had imprisoned me. I will never allow myself to be in that place again.. God the father, I know that you love me and I know that I have always been forgiven for all the sins that I’ve done. I lift to you all these pains and hurts in me. I’m letting them go of them and I forgive the person who has wronged me. I love my friend and I want to work things out with her. Help me not to remember the pain and hurts. Its only in forgiving others that I maybe forgiven of all my sins. I trust you Lord with all my heart and I never doubt your ability to grant healing to those who need it. Help me forgive myself too for allowing myself to brood over this negative emotions. I wanted to let go of the past, forgive and move on with my life according to how You want me to live it. These I ask In Jesus” name, amen. Thank you Lord for never letting me down.

  102. emma says

    I picked up random guy off taxi rank whilst drunk after divorce and asked who wanted to come home with me and I slept with global. I fell sick with guilt

  103. mom in distress says

    I was convicted of felony on omitting a past injury on a WC claim. I never purposely committed the crime but nonetheless my ignorance caused bad judgement. I have to pay a lot of money due community service and stuck on a job with no benefits and its caused financial hardship to my family. I never thought I’d be in this situation. The hope is the judge said once I pay restitution and finish community service he will lower charge to misdemeanor. Now I have job making barely money to support but can’t get new job because of my criminal background. My husband lost his job and now paying half my pay to health covrrage. I have three teenagers one grand baby and I feel helpless and trapped I can’t change my situation and will probably lose my home. I’ve asked God for forgiveness but the shame haunts me and now I don’t have joy or hope but I live each day “faking” my way thru. I feel like I have two lives no one at work or friends no truth. I now feel like I don’t deserve a break or deserve to have hope. I secretly at night read bible and cry asking for God to help me. Everything comes to money. I can only afford small payments to court am on probation can’t leave state til my charges are dropped…and I have sister in law with terminal cancer and I can’t fly to see her in NY or my other family…probation officer only will grant me travel if family death. I have little rights and daily fear if my boss found out he will fire me. I got this court date and conviction four months after being at this job. I have skills And exp to get a better paying job with benefits but no one is going to look at me with felony. I feel I can’t break free from this pain and shame until I make it right and get charge down to misdemeanor…but it will take a long time to pay $5500. My daughter has a baby is starting college… I feel so guilty I messed up so bad and now my family is being hurt from my stupidity. I have to fake a smile each day at work and home but live in pain inside. I pray someday I will have joy and can feel like I’m a good mom and find a sense of purpose in this life. I’m 42 and should be reflecting on my past achievements but all I feel is failure. I’m so sorry for my mistake and for how it has affected my family and that I keep this secrete inside which haunts me every night I lay in bed. This all happened right when my husband lost his job…I feel I’ve slid back so far and can’t find that feeling of hope…I feel I don’t deserve good things and now expect that I will cont to suffer and be punished. I know God doesn’t see me this way I just keep trying to pray that I can see myself thru the eyes of God. Thank you for this site to give me opportunity to brutally honest and let go. I have don’t feel I can share with anyone because I can’t bare for people I love to look st me as a criminal.

  104. I don't know who I am anymore says

    I have deviated so far from myself. I slept with a guy who I know will never see me as anything more than physical. I kept running to him even when he didn’t treat me the way I deserved. I slept with him tonight and we chalked it up as a farewell kind of thing.

    In the middle of getting busy he stopped to say he’d been lying about being physically exclusive. He said there was another girl he will probably be getting serious with soon. I disconnected and calmly told him that this was wrong and that I would be the loser in all of this.

    I was about to leave, shoes on, still being cordial when he grabbed me back and for some stupid reason I gave in with no regard. We had sex and now I feel this sick feeling in my gut. He said they weren’t serious yet but I can’t trust him. Even if that’s true I still feel worthless and wrong.

    I used to be so head strong and in control. Why was one guy like this able to make me lose myseld. Like my name says, I don’t even know who I am anymore. I feel like a slut with no morals. What good person sleeps with her coworker when this coworker is dating another coworker? I had suspicions before inyet I still did it. Who am I and whst hapoened to the old me?

  105. Human101 says

    I want to let go of the person who I was. I used to lie about everything to make myself seem more important because I believed I was a no-one. I lied about my age, where I lived, how much money my family had, where I have travelled etc etc. I also made a point of hurting people by being rude to them for no reason and I also believed that no person would ever love me and that they would leave me, so I acted in a distructive behavior to kill off my relationships. I had a boyfriend, who yes did not treat me very nice and did cheat on me, so at the time, I went around and would flirt and kiss other men (even one of his close friends) because I was hurt and tried to use this to get back at him. I am not proud of who I was then but am with who I am now. I just have guilt of the actions that I have done and it gives me anxiety. I need to forgive myself for what I have done and be a better person now and learn from my mistakes

  106. lonely says

    I am a cheater. I am I liar. and I will literally do anything to change that. I made a careless mistake that ruined the relationship with my wife because I was selfish. she is so perfect. the most amazing person in the entire world. and I let her go because I cheated. I need to let her go.

  107. lost in WNC says

    I want to forgive myself for hating my father for abandoning us (my mother & 3 kids) to a life of poverty while he remarried twice and lived in comfort! For feeling inferior to other boys at school, later with girls. Even though I was an attractive young man I always felt insecure and unworthy.and this caused me a lot of heartaches and anger when I was dumped because I’ve always felt betrayed! I never went to college (a decision I still regret) because I didn’t want to be laughed at or put down. I lost a lot of people I loved and still harbor bitterness because of how they treated me when they left. I wish I could have been given promotions for my hard work but without a degree and being 50 years old, that’s not going to ever happen. It has sickened me to my soul to see people with less drive and work ethic be promoted over me because they can talk a good game and I can’t. I wish I could forgive myself for hating what so many people have done to my soul for so many years, but alas all I seem to have any more is a hardened heart. God have mercy on me

  108. CHRISTINE says

    I WANT TO FORGIVE MYSELF FOR NOT HAVING A CHILD! MY POOR DAD IS VERY SICK AND I NEVER GAVE HIM A GRANDDAUGHTER OR GRANDSON WHICH HE REALLY WANTED

  109. Alias says

    I want to let go of and forgive myself for a lot of things.

    Firstly for breaking my ex girlfriends heart. It’s only once the favour was returned and my actions were imitated by her that I realised just how bad I must have made her feel. I also now realise how lucky I was to be with her and ultimately I feel like no longer having her in my life is punishment enough, so I’m letting go of the guilt.

    Secondly, I would like to forgive myself for my lack of work ethic and discipline. Not only have I lost out because I am now fighting to re-organise my life and career, but so too have my parents. They’ve lost out on money, time, effort and ultimately the relationship with me that I can only imagine they would have wanted – due to my main focus being on maintaining a relationship with drink and drugs in order to escape reality… a bad decision that ultimately has cost me. I forgive myself.

    Additionally, I want to forgive myself for the poor decisions I’ve made lately. For continuing to do things I know I shouldn’t – watching pornography, smoking, lying, engaging in sexual acts without any thought, for closing myself off from all my friends, for making no effort and as a whole, for not having the self respect and dignity I know I should.

    It’s time to make a change and that change is to be for the better. Life is about learning and I feel like I have done that. I have learnt what I want, what I don’t want and all in all the person I strive to be. I’m letting go of the past and forgiving myself whole heartedly. Everybody makes mistakes – those mistakes are no longer holding me back and controlling my life.

    I FORGIVE MYSELF. I LET GO.

  110. Alias says

    I want to let go of lying on my Bible test application. I didn’t know what to put, so I made something up. It was not right and I am really sorry. The teacher did not know, though. Because of this, I felt sad, regretful, and depressed. I need to let this go to enjoy christmas.

  111. Maria says

    I want to forgive myself for the way I dealt with my recent breakup. In a heat of rage I took the painting off the wall that he painted for me and slit it with some scissors, photographed it, and sent the photo to him. I can’t imagine how heartbroken he must have been. But I want to forgive myself because it wasn’t necessarily my fault iw as driven to such rage, I was just going through the feelings of a breakup, going through the emotions rather than around them. “Psycho ex girlfriend” comes to mind. I want to forgive myself.

    I also want to forgive myself for having anxiety and depression. It wasn’t my fault I fell into their trap, and although I need to be the one to get myself out, I forgive myself for the pain and stress its caused others.

  112. Nini says

    I want to forgive myslef for sleeping with my friend that has a girlfriend. I have done it more than just once, and in the past I have been hurt because I did it. I had sex with him then fell in love with him and got hurt so badly that I was depressed for days. Then swore that I won’t do it again but when he came over it happened again. It’s like I have no control over my own mind or body and that is the freakiest thing ever. I feel used. I feel disgusting. I feel like shit. Unimportant. Something he can go to get a relief and leave. What do I get out of it? Sex? Yes maybe, but eventually hurt because he has a girlfriend, he goes to her and completely forgets me, as I said like some kind of a trash. I know I am worth more and I am angry at myself for putting myself so low when I know I can just be happy with someone else. Even if I wouldn’t be happy I wouldn’t be second. I wouldn’t be a mistress….

  113. kim says

    Firstly i want to thank jennifer for the post she made on how Dr Adams helped her in bringing back her lover before Christmas. At first when i saw the posting i was so happy and in the other hand so scared,That this might not be real, Then i decided to give it a try in which i contacted Dr Adams and told him how my lover left me for another lady for the past 3years and i have been lonely without him,So i told him if he has helped anyone called jennifer and he said yes, that was the lady he helped in bringing back her lover before Christmas said good and i told him that if he can help me in bringing back my own lover,He laughed and said once i have contacted him that my problem will be solved.He said that my lover will be back to me within 24hours and do an unexpected thing for me. i said really, Truly when the 24hours was completed i got a text from someone saying am sorry then i decided to call the number i saw it was my lover Scott voice.i was so happy he was begging me on phone, That he is ready to do anything that will make me happy in life,So i told him to come over which he did,As he was coming he came with a brand new Car saying this is my gift i was so happy and he made me had access to his account to prove to me that he is not going to leave me for another lady,Am so happy today and am also thanking jennifer for posting this early.Dr Adams you are truly a man of your word.Dr Adams also cure cancer, diabetes or any kind of sickness. Friends you can contact Dr Adams for any kind of problem on his private Email dradamsjohnsoncentre12@gmail. com

  114. Ellen says

    It is my fault both my sons are addicts because I drank-I gave them everything but would stress drink, suicide and rehabs-my daughter is a scientist though. I can’t forgie myself.

  115. Amy says

    I want to let go the fact that I messed up. I had it all right there, everything I wanted and I messed it up. I threw it all away because of my stupid actions. I dont know if it will ever go back to the way it once was as much that I pray and hope it will.

  116. jeßse says

    I slap my wife the other day in a fit of rage after finding out that she stole money from me again I just lost it

  117. nicolelioli says

    I want to forgive myself for staying in a bad relationship for about 5 years too long and for staying involved with my ex for a little over a year after our breakup. He cheated on me repeatedly. He lied to me so many times. He hit me once and was physically abusive on several occasions. Even after I knew he was being unfaithful on a regular basis and we broke up, I still tried to make it work. I still gave him money. I was still there for him just as much as I had been when we were together. I acted as if I had done something wrong, as if I had been the one who lied and cheated.

    I will admit that I have had major depression and anxiety issues since my childhood. I grew up feeling like a burden to my parents (dad, step-mom, and mom) because it seemed like I caused the most issues in my father’s household. I felt worthless. At the age of 7, I was already asking God to take my life and I was angry that I was alive because the pain I felt was almost unbearable. My parents are divorced. My mother hasn’t wanted much to do with me since her marriage to my father ended. When I was 7, I was forced to live with my dad and step-mom without any warning. The trauma of being separated from my mother (who was my world even though she didn’t care much about me) caused my predisposition to developing depression (mental illnesses run on my mother’s side of the family) to surface. Step-mom didn’t like me because I represented my mother, someone she never got along with. Mother didn’t like me because I represented my father, someone who cheated and abused her.

    As soon as I could, I jumped into a relationship because i thought having someone’s love would fill the void caused by not receiving the love and acceptance I needed from my parents. Jumped into a relationship with the wrong guy, saw red flags from the very beginning but ignored them because I was that desperate for love. I already said what happened during the time he was in my life. I have not seen or spoken to him in almost 3 years but I still not have been able to forgive myself for allowing myself to be disrespected and taken advantage of for so long. I guess what adds insult to injury is that my ex still worships the woman he cheated on me with but i’m not portrayed in a positive light. I was the one who was hurt but I’m the villain… I found out last year that my ex had gotten engaged to her while we were still together and that they had gone to vegas to get married (didn’t happen because they weren’t able to apply for a marriage license). He hates me because I told him years ago that i didn’t want him in my life anymore. I am not in love with him anymore but it still hurts that the people around him do not know the truth about our relationship and how and why it ended. His friends don’t know that he physically attacked me and hit me. All they know is that “I’m crazy”. They don’t know that the years of being lied to and disrespected with cheating being the final straw that caused me to began acting irrationally. During the year or so we were involved but not together, I did everything I could to get him to leave me alone so I wouldn’t have to be the one to walk away from him first because I felt I didn’t have the strength to walk away. I wanted him to “rid himself” of me. Sad, huh? I would call him over and over again if he wouldn’t answer his phone to annoy him. I would send him the same text message 50-100 times if he didn’t respond to my initial text. I WAS NOT thinking clearly at all during this time. I was just very hurt that the person I had done so much for had decided he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I could go on and on about this but I’ll stop here. I just hope that I can forgive me one day for “wasting” 7 years on someone who my intuition had warned me about from the very beginning.

  118. Rachel says

    I was in a relationship for over a decade and was about to be married. We were struggling for several years before our wedding to grow together. Before the wedding we addressed our issues in therapy but not much change was made. At that time a married friend told me how he felt about me and pursued me relentlessly. I kept him at arms length for months because I didn’t want to hurt his wife or my fiance. He was aggressive and we ended up kissing several times. Things with my partner continued to get worse and tensions were high. I was trying so hard in therapy but the counselor said it wouldn’t matter if he didn’t step up too. I would lie to my fiance when I would meet up with this guy to hang out. My fiance and I talked about postponing the wedding but decided to go through with it. After the wedding we decided to separate based on the counselor’s recommendation. I was so distraught that I broke and slept with this friend. I continued to sleep with him to numb my pain. I began to have feelings for him whether real or circumstantial. This man was trying to separate from his wife, but she wound up pregnant. I put distance between him and I and stopped contracting him, but he didn’t stop. He kept coming around and calling and texting. I ended up sleeping with him again. He has now told his wife he’s leaving and I don’t know what to do about my husband. I still love my husband but we still have our issues outside of my infidelity. I have NEVER cheated before and my partner cheated on me years ago but I forgave him. My guilt over hurting my partner, lying, cheating, hurting this man’s wife and going against what I believe is killing me inside. I feel it everyday and nothing is enjoyable. I’m not a bad person but I made very bad mistakes and I don’t know how to move past it.

  119. Lala says

    I want to say sorry for not having respect for my friend,Steve, who cares for me and I care for as well. But I acted very immaturely, disrespectful, when I proceeded to let it be known that I was atrracted to.his friend and wanted to ask him out. Despite the fact that he said to not ask him out the same night, but I did anyway on impulse. I didnt want to let an opportunity pass me ny again, alk the while being careless of his feelings. I was selfish, thinking I could play things my way for once. I feel so horrible.

  120. Michelle says

    I was in love with a boy and he promised me eternity**I was sure he was the one and he promised to never change**I gave him everything**I never hurt me but all of a sudden he changed and he caused me tears,loss of appetite and I started drinking and smoking weed to feel better**I have forgiven him for lieing he loved me and treating me badly**I even tried to have sex with him but penetration failed and being a virgin I stopped him**…thank God for being tight** I feel like I regret even being sexual with him because I believe in purity before marriage but he made me think he was the one with his lies*I will be grateful for never have slept with him and forgive myself for trying to sleep with him*and allowing myself to ill treat myself when I got dumped** and I let him go

  121. jen says

    The hurt I did to the person I loved an another person that I love I tried to have 2 relationships one with my husband an one with the boyfriend an I hurt both in the process my husband has a new woman an no longer cares for me I feel guilt of abandoning my husband an also guilt of hurting my ex boyfriend it wasn’t fair to them at all an I want to forgive myself an move on leave the past an move forward let these chains off of me my biggest regret is not doing things right I can only change me not anyone else

  122. Major Major says

    Smothering a beautiful woman with countless text messages while she was on a seven week travel holiday. She had mentioned she only wanted friendship after we experienced an intense two month romance. She wanted to backpeddle from the relationship and I kept on at full speed in my mind and this led me to send her regular bombardments of late night booze infused emotional texts about how much I loved her and so on. he final result was her threatening to change her number and so I took all her stuff back and we broke off the friendship as well.
    I regret not playing it cool while she was away. I regret my lack of restraint and all the crazy late night smothering texts.
    I hope to be friends with her again someday.

  123. anonymous says

    Cheating on a test. I always want to get a’s, and my mind blanked out, so I looked at my paper. I feel sorry for it, and I told my professor because she didn’t catch me. She forgave me, so I need to forgive myself. I hope I can let this go and enjoy thanksgiving

  124. Alias says

    I need to let go of being unforgiving and hard on myself for mistakes I made when I was younger that nobody knows about. And also for wanting to end my life a couple years ago. It makes my stomach queasy when I think about it. I’ve sometimes thought to myself “how could you forgive yourself for something like that?” But forgiving doesn’t mean saying that the mistake didn’t matter, it’s learning from it, moving on, and resolving to never do something like that again.

  125. Jan says

    I broke up with my boyfriend although he never did anything wrong to us. We were so good together. He was the most caring person to me. I dumped him heartlessly because i was bored of our stable relationship and i wanted something more fun. One and a half years on, he has moved on with a new girlfriend who is prettier than me, smarter, comes from a wealthy family and they look great together. I am the loser now who has lost everything. I wish to let go of this regret and self-inflicted hurt and move on soon. I wish to stop blaming myself for putting myself in this miserable situation (we still work in the same office, a few cubicles apart) and see a future for myself. I wish i can find myself and build a future without him.

  126. Sasuke Uchiha says

    I want to let go of my errors and past. My ex girlfriend left me last year because she wanted to mess around and hurt me. This year the cycle repeated so I took revenge by defaming her on Facebook and putting her private pictures on the internet. Everytime I’m by myself , I feel cold and bitter and push others away because I don’t want to feel pain or betrayal by others. I chose to have everyone hate me as well. Friends and family to have everyone purporsely hate me by doing extreme things such as pretending to be a psychopath, that way I can forget everything and everyone and start fresh with myself as if I had been reborn. I want to lift this burden off me, in order to move with my life in peace. I had failed to acknowledge my true self and failed instead of being honest with myself and everyone else. I just want to let go and forget.

  127. self_love says

    I want to go let go a guilt and shame that I have become such a low self esteem woman. My boyfriend cheated on me, lied to me and left me crying and I was blaming myself that I dint love him enough, crying and begging to stop him . But he said he dont love me anymore and I was convincing him to kiss me, make love to me so that his feeling may start rise again as he has become cold. I feel pity and such a weak person. I want to take revenge and want to shout and slap him. I want to let this whole feeling.

  128. alina says

    That i quareled with my exhusband when our daughter grew up and that i worked too much when she was in her teens.I got depressed when my husband left me and ended up on medicatitios this harmed my daugther and a person i worked with

  129. youngh girl says

    When i was bout 10 i was sexually abused by a boy and since then my life has spun out of control i did things from 15 of sleeping with men and getting involved with them by them making me think they loved me i have always been over weight and had self esteem problems and a non understanding of what happened to me when i was 10 i have lied to my parents and family to cover myself from letting people know that i was self hurting myself through doing ad things i feel somuch guilt and shame and just awful anxiety i get sick from it im 20 now bed

  130. Chantel says

    I had casual sex through my late teens and early twenties. I drank heavily, did drugs, and felt very alone. I pushed people away and acted as if my sex life didnt bother me but truthfully most of the time I engaged in sex I was so heavily under the influence I dont even know why I did it. It really bothers me the disgusting things I have said and done.

  131. anon says

    I want to let go of the guilt that has been ruining my life for the past year. I cheated on my boyfriend while he was away on holiday because I was stuck in the house, insane from loneliness. I kissed a guy one night and then went over to his house a night or two later. I didn’t want to have sex with him that night but I was drunk and blacked out. I came to with him on top of me and just did what I thought I was suppose to do – I acted like I liked it even though I just wanted to get it over with. I don’t consider it rape because I know I was willingly doing it – I was just young (18) and did what I THOUGHT was expected of me. I hate the man for taking advantage of a young girl and manipulating her when all she needed was her boyfriend (I was leaving the next morning to the airport to fly to my boyfriend and the man was taking me, which was why I was at his house in the first place.)

    My boyfriend knows and forgives me and loves me still and I am so lucky to have been blessed with an amazing guy. He has let go of the past and a year later and I think I am almost there. I have been so wrapped up in my guilt from hurting the man I love that I have considered suicide in the past. I have thought before that my boyfriend would be better without such a terrible girlfriend but I know now that it’s not true!!!

    I am almost there. I can forgive myself. I know now that I can forgive myself because I was young and stupid and never meant to hurt my boyfriend. I can forgive myself because he did. I can be happy because I am just a human who has learnt from her mistakes, whole heartedly. I am so excited for the guilt-free life I have ahead of me – I just need to stay on my path towards self-forgiveness.

  132. Anonymous says

    My marriage was spirraling downward and instead of dealing with the issues head-on, I chose to step out of the relationship to seek what I felt was missing. I worked hard for many years after trying to prove my love and deep remorse, but unfortunately, he just couldn’t get over it and decided to end our 13 year marriage. I’ve been devastated, depressed, resentful and regretful since, and can’t seem to accept that he’s not coming back. I know it will take time to heal and move forward, but I hope to eventually let go of what I used to know which no longer is, and the feelings of pain, anger, sadness, lonliness, guilt, shame and failure. I have a LONG road ahead of me.

  133. Z says

    I treated the best woman iv ever met like dirt for 5 years, i didnt show her enough love, i didnt make her feel happy, i got her to go get stuff or weed because i was to lazy. I was emotionaly head f^/#@&g her if i was shitty because i wasnt thinking about anyone but me, i would come home shitty and take it out on her and make her unhappy and cry. I was an asshole and all she did was love me. I cheated on her 3 times and she still came back and loved me. I was stupid! For all the wrong and pain i caused im so hurt at myself for letting treat her so poorly. Can you ever really forgive yourself for actions you knew at the time were causing pain but didnt care? And now the girl of your world is slipping alway because she cant pull heself to come back. It is hard to fogive yourself but i must accept what i have done and learn from it. Once your eyes are open the cant be shut. I must try and let go.
    It feels good to talk about it… thank you

  134. bway phaw says

    I hurt two people. I didn’t realise that my action was kind of defaming them. I sent them several mails to make them upset. Now, I regret for all those things: not only for hurting them but also for letting myself do those actions.. I wish I could go back a year ago…

  135. Sharla Clark says

    I need to let go of SHANE and just SHANE so that I can have me back it has been a year now and I still haven’t even attempted to find me because I am just now starting to understand that I let him take me and keep me within him and not know who I am outside of him. Just Shane is what I need to let go of and then I can work on everything else after that…..

  136. smokkey says

    I want to let go of the regrets of not being the best man I could’ve been in my past relationship. I was good. But now I see my potential in being an even better person and future boyfriend for the next lucky girl. I want to let go of my past and enjoy the now. My past was a learning experience that lead me to be the person I am today, and the person im becoming.

  137. Anonymous says

    I got drunk and tried to make out with my cousin behind my spouses back. Now he believes the experience was sickening and refuses to talk to me. I feel horrible that I’ve ruined our relationship and I constantly feel disgusting and ashamed. I barely even remember the night which adds to my sense of how pathetic I am. I’ve decided that I have a problem with alcohol, and I don’t like the person I am when I drink. I am attending private counseling and weekly AA meetings. I can’t take back the past but I can be a better person in the future. I’ve been sober for two months and I never plan on drinking again. I just hope some day I can let go of the shame and guilt.

  138. Nick says

    For putting my ex-girlfriend through the hell of an abusive relationship. I treated her like dirt, tried to control her, and yes, even physically hurt her. Not only did I hurt her, but everyone that loved her, such as her family and friends (whom I tried keeping away) and also my family. I thank her eternally for having the courage to break away from me and seek the love and respect she deserved. It’s been five years since the break up and until most recently I’ve walked around in shame, hating my self, knowing the things I had done. Guilt has overwhelmed my mind to the point of severe anxiety and depression and thoughts of suicide. I’ve felt worthless. I’m letting all of that go, and learning from my mistakes. Thank you for letting me post this.

  139. Elisa says

    For letting a man who I became really attached toward almost destroying my life. I understand that I did it to myself, I thought he had some feelings to me and I basically lost myself in obsession about him. Now it’s all over, he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore and I feel very low and like I have made a total fool out of myself. I messed up, but hopefully I can move on and forgive myself for being so blindfolded. Life goes on.

  140. Singer says

    When I was 8 years old I lied on my teacher and said she chocked me. She came up close and shouted at me but she didn’t choke me. At first I thought she did but then I realized she didn’t. At first I was in denial but now I realize I made a huge mistake. I’m now a senior in high school and I want to make things right and let go. Sometimes the guilt gets to me. I’m just glad she didn’t lose her job.

  141. anonymous says

    I’ve made some terrible mistakes with my husband that is unforgivable and he finally left me for it after 3rd time:/ then I started drinking and doing drugs and sleeping around and got something for life out of it. Then not telling him about it after he took me back again:( I’m not sure I could ever forgive myself for the people I have hurt. I’m just not the same person I use to be.

  142. Sumi Saggu says

    I was very attached with a guy and when I started living with him.. I saw all his problems.. And it was too much for me and I couldn’t handle.. I had choice to be with him and stand with him but I chose to let my parents know n they told me, leave him and come home. I have done a blunder. Should have been with him. But now nothing can happen as all finished. I learnt from my mistakes as things never be what I want. He had 2 grown up children of age 20 and 22 yrs and I couldn’t see how the daughters created tensions for the man I loved. As I didn’t have kids so couldn’t figure. Now after coming back, I felt I wish I could understand. But all over. I have to be a decision maker n be more mature n be more confident. This is very big lesson I have learnt in the most most most hardest way !! I truly regret n I am not able to get over it.. It’s been more than 2 weeks and I am still suffering n I’m very miserable …

  143. Dolly says

    I’m so ashamed of things I did in my childhood that have haunted me ever since, silently. Forgiving myself seems impossible.

  144. Samantha says

    I cheated on my boyfriend. He knows but he doesn’t know everything. Just trying to get over the little things is the hardest

  145. Juanita says

    I did things as a little girl that I’m not proud and are shameful. I wil forgive myself because I was stupid and ignorant and didn’t know what I was doing.

  146. Anonymous says

    Bepop – I can really relate to what you’re saying. I’m now over 30 and I too, after reading your entry, see that I have not stayed at a job longer than 2 to 3 years and I am always looking for something better. You’re not alone. I pray you will find an amazing job that you will be able to keep for a long time. And ENJOY.

  147. Anonymous says

    Kissing another man while married which started a downward spiral and led me to lose my marriage a year later. Becoming so broken afterward that I made stupid decisions, like drinking too much and calling him 20 times in one night because he wouldn’t talk to me. Saying mean and hurtful things because I couldn’t handle losing him. I am so consumed with guilt and shame.

  148. John Burkhouse says

    Hurting the women I love I feel she hasn’t been supportive enough or around. I have cancer and I have been lashing out at her . Some say it’s justifiable but I have acted in this manner with a women , so it’s really bothering me. I will forgive myself

  149. Daisy says

    I lost 400$ dollars by not activating the mobile plan and calling international calls. I should have checked through some means but I didn’t do it. Bcoz I am a lazy person. It happened just yday and I have an exam after two days. . I need to study hard !!!

  150. jonathan says

    I encouraged my girlfriend that it was ok to explore her bisexual feelings. It led to a friend raping her. I had failed to protect her.

  151. Mariah says

    Before I met my husband and previous boyfriend , I dated a beautiful man. For some reason I decided not to pursue the relationship with him & to date my boyfriend. Things didn’t work out with that boyfriend & after 3 years of dating, we split . I tried to ring this old flame but he already had a girlfriend . During that time of being single I made a lot if mistakes- drinking too much , sleeping around, – until I met my husband . But I feel like if only I stayed with the first guy, & didn’t choose the ex boyfriend, than perhaps I wouldn’t have had to go through all that terrible drinking & sex phase of outting my body & soul out there to be destroyed. It was a really hard time for me- and that phase of my life still haunts me today. I’m regretting not dating this beautiful man & wondering why I stupidly chose the bad boy who ultimately hurt me in the end? And than, choosing a path of self destruction that will take me a while to recover from

  152. Lolo says

    Guilt. I got wasted, like hammered wasted drunk and freaked out at my bf in front of his kids. In FRONT of his kids. I am an epic loser drunk face and deserve to be broken up with.

  153. ba says

    I’m a 17 year old teenager who lives in India…I I tried having sex with my boyfriend lone and a half year ago.it somehow didn’t work out I’m a virgin..till some days it didn’t affect me but after some days I started feeling guilty like hell..I feel like I’m character less..and my family is kind of conservative and my mum keeps on telling about how a girl should not lose her virginity and I feel guilty that I betrayed her and I can’t even tell her that please help me get out of it please because I keep getting suicidal tendencies and getting upset…

    • Anthony Centore says

      Hello,
      I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling. While what you’re feeling may seem overwhelming right now, in time it will feel less so.
      I don’t know much about counseling in India, but hopefully there is someone you can trust who you can talk to. If you are feeling suicidal, you should seek help right away. I did some research online and found this resource that might be of help to you.
      AASRA
      http://www.aasra.info
      91-22-27546669
      91-22-27546667
      aasrahelpline@yahoo.com

  154. Dan says

    I believe I may have said the b-word and the n-word in front of a black person when I was 14-years-old. I didn’t call anyone that, but I guess I said those two words because I was trying to fit in with other people around me.

  155. Kevin says

    The past mistakes haunting me because of the things that I have done in the past like not watching age appropriate videos on the internet and not always buying age appropriate items to wear on my body from stores so that’s what is bothering me and I need forgiveness for myself or I will not move on with my life so please help is all I ask because I would like to get my life back in order it has been out of order since the first month of the year on the third day I was not thinking about myself after that one day I have been losing sleep off an on so please help me move in my daily life of work and video games I ask and proclaim to be forgiven and move with the rest of my life amen.

  156. Secret says

    I want to let go of severe, life crippling regret. I have allowed my lack of self-confidence, severely low self-esteem, anxiety, being fat, and paranoia cause me to make horrible mistakes and miss valuable opportunities in my life, from 30+ years ago through to just a couple nights ago, that I will never get back.

  157. Ashley says

    I want to let go of my past, i have never forgiven myself for the things i have done. First off i was a child growing up with a little low self esteem, because i had people in my ear like my sisters saying and thinking the were prettier than me. I was a skinny kid growing. We i grew up into a teenager at the age of 14 i got a boyfriend he was my everything he made me feel good, at the age of 17 i lost my secret to him he was my first everything, then he broke my heart bad by cheating on me, he was the reason a felt good about myself, so after that i didnt care anymore feeling left out with my family my sisters they got all the attention so i lashed out by dealing with men i would have sex with men that i known for a very long time in my life, to make me feel good not knowing it was destroying me. i had to find myself and realize that i was a blessing i was an amazing girl anyone would be lucky to have me. But now i am 25 years of age and is in love with the man of my dreams and i have messed up our relationship by lying to him multiple times about how many people i have slept with in my life, i was scared of losing him so i would lie and i was ashamed of my past. He bring it up every chance he get i want him to just let it go. I am not proud of my past and how i treated myself, i just want us to bury this and be able to move on with our life, i want this man to marry .me but he want because he dont trust me. some help me

  158. Kristina says

    I want to let go of all my past problems and bad choices. The smallest thing seems to harbour a thousand worries, it’s important to forgive yourself, love yourself and most importantly learn from past mistakes and do everything in your power to make the best of decisions and move on. Be happy.

  159. Dave says

    I want to let go of the past. When I was in Jr high, I hung out with the bad crowd. I hated my dad and wanted to do whatever I wanted to. I decided to change my life one day when my mom and I had a talk and I had a breakthrough. She was the only who talked to me about my problems. When I changed, I ended being less social and I’ve been told I was stuck up in high school. Maybe I changed too much. I’m 32 now and in college again. I realized that my years of rebellion were some of my best years I had. It’s because I was being myself not a goody goody. I’m letting go of approval but I’m deciding to stay positive in my life. I want to have a life now. I want to be more social. I want to forgive myself. Everyone makes mistakes. A lot of mine were made when I was younger. I’m back. I’m back to being myself. I’ve missed me. I hope I go down the right path. If I make mistakes I will always forgive myself. Wish me luck. Thank you.

  160. Andre Winn says

    I want to let go all of the guilt I have of not being prepared when my dream was rite in front of me. I know I wasn’t ready then but it still eats me alive everyday.

  161. crissy says

    I met an incredible man, father, photographer , police officer. We had an amazing connection. We had a disagreement that led to a falling out. Weeks later he sent me a simple text “I miss you”. I ignored it. A week after that he sent a message “im sorry can we please not fight?” I ignored it. 2 weeks ago he text me and asked “I would like to move on from this” I wrote back “not happening I have decided to work onthings with my kids dad” he replied “awesome!” I knew by saying that meant 2 things I felt like I was lying to myslelf and Secondly he would move on and not contact me. 3 days ago he passed away in a tragic accident. It was sudden. I am left with an immense amount of grief. What if I replied and said I missed him too? Cause I did. I dis want to move past it but was to atring headed to say any different. I want him to know im terribly sorry. My feelings for him were valid and what he thought we had was true. I didn’t get to apologize for being awful. I didn’t get to tell him how much he ment to me. Instead he died knowing I was awful to him. How can I forgive myself?

  162. Naina says

    I want to let go of all the stuff that my boyfriend did to me. There was a time he used to make fun of my love and emotions with his friends and treated me really bad. But then he changed and i couldnt accept him. All that stuff was piled up in my mind. I made many mistakes too. Maybe a way of taking some sort of revenge. now the relation is over but i cant let go of all the stuff that he did to me and i was so sincere to him. he used to go out with his girl-friends and when i told him to stay away from them he used to get all mad. It wasnt worth it. I didn learn the first time and i hurt myself again n again. I am so disappointed in myself. i want to let go. Help me!

  163. Bebop says

    I want to let go of self sabbotage. Ever since I graduated from graduate school, I have quit just about every job I have ever received. I constantly pray to go for jobs and opportunities. When I get the job, I find a reason to quit. Or, I will stay on the job for a short period of time (under 2-3 years) and then I will find a reason to quit. I constantly say to myself that there is something better out there. And I am always in pursuit of something better. I need to stop this destructive behavior because it isn’t getting me anywhere. It has just landed me in debt, overweight and depressed. Today, I will stop this destructive behavior, I will forgive myself and I will have faith in God that God is with me and will guide me through the process. Thank you for allowing me to let this out and to let it go and to forgive myself. In Jesus’ name. Amen and thank you. Bebop.

  164. Stuart says

    Diana,
    I forgive myself for never saying I loved you. Remember that sunny field we lay in on that mountain so many years ago? I wish I could go back, but I know I can’t. I wish I could have told you then how I feel and then maybe I wouldn’t feel so guilty about all that happened later on. I will always love you. Take care of yourself and the ones you love,
    Stuart

  165. Anonymous says

    I want to let go of the anger and hurt toward myself and toward the ex who humiliated me and broke my heart. All the signs were there and I paid them no attention. I wanted what I wanted so I stayed and tried to make him love me when in reality he never did and he never would. I just want to let it go.

  166. Albert says

    I keep doing stupid things when I drink too much last night I was talking smack to my ex girlfriend and her friend calling them bad names and I don’t remember anything I feel horrible about it and I had just met her friend,they don’t seem like they want to forgive me,I am not that type of guy when I am sober but I regret it so much I need help

  167. My name says

    My sisterinlaws behaviour towards me has always been strange. she always has 2 faces, one face which hates me , comments on me and humiliates me and the other innocent face which she is shows to her brothers and parents. if she is really innocent, i wonder how can she get thoughts of behaving with me like what she does always. she gifts me something and immediatly says it might not suit me and throws a wiered smile.when i wear a dress she picks up religion related comments, for eg she would quickly say i might look like a muslim. she will manipulate things and tell others about me but in conversation when i ask she will say that it is me who misunderstood. she tries to make me look down upon my things. she will try to proove that what i do is always wrong and what she does is always right.i cannot tell this to anyone because my husband is a neautral man, she is scared of loosing relationships with his people.my inlaws support my sisterinlaw and other members of the family are least bothered.I feel that i am left alone at this stage of life.i hate her but i have to face her at every stage of my life, so as of now i dont know what to do… even i did a small mistake by ignoring her several times in front of many people but never said things to her.taking that as a base she made me bad before everyone. now everyone in my family thinks i am ill mannered and proud. but infact i strongly believe that my nature is better than other girls in the family.

  168. Bella says

    I really want to stop having guilt. When i was smaller i dont remember how old i was…i used to live in a place with my parents where there were 3other houses. In one of those houses lived a father and his daughter wich was sick idk what she had she was like 23 years old she had a little boy. The father would leave her home alone and the other little girls Nd i would go and talk to her and sometimes se were very nice to her but at times we would do bad things that she didnt know was bad. Now i feel so bad because i now have children and i wouldnt want pleople taking advantage of them for being small or not knowing good from bad. I would make her do bad stupid stuff so that her dad would be mad at her. I Am So Sorry For All Of This I Wish I Could See Her And Just Say Sorry To her and her father i feel soo guilty now i een cry about it:(((

  169. Jackie says

    I stole money from people I care about I think it was to make up for having a abusive child hood it gave me a feeling of power, I now wish that I had never taken any of it

  170. wheels says

    I hate my friend!!! We have know each other since 7th grade and have best great friends all of our lives. We were just typically guys rough with one another in good fun. I am 33 now and my life has gone to shit because of him. When i was 23 my friend was pulling me behind a snowmobile and i was throw into a tree which paralyzed me from my upper chest down. I thought i was passed being upset with him and i was doing just fine until i got married two years ago. I have always been a stronger person physically and outdoors i loved. My wife had two kids already when we were got married. I just wanted to be able to be the kind of dad my father was to me and do all things i wanted to do with kids. My wife and the kids said this didnt matter to them which i believe, but i just cant get passed the fact i am not able to do certain things anymore because of my body but my head i know and want to do them but i am not able to get passed it anymore. This has caused alot of arguments and fights with the kids and my wife which i feel like they are caused by me not being able to do what i know in my head i can do but my body wont let me. Its been two years now back and forth of fights cause because of me and not letting go. And now my wife and i are separated because i think she deserves someone better who can do things for her and the kids all because i am not able to get passed this bullshit in my head. And writing this now i am boiling it down to my friend who all i want to do is make his life a living hell because he did this to me. He has a great family and is doing what i have always wanted to do. But the hell with that i want him to feel what i have to go threw every single day because of what he did. And never said sorry for. I HATE THIS PERSON SO MUCH NOW. I know i shouldnt feel this way i know that. I just cant get this out of my mind. I have let it ruin me and my marriage. Does anyone, anyone have any ideas what i can do to help me mind forget and a forgive and let me just deal with what i have and just be happy with myself. I have talked with a counselor already and it didnt feel like it helped. Maybe he wasnt the right person to talk with i dont know. I am just so angry now that this is my life and i really want to do something to my friend because of what he has caused. Fuck him. Please help i know i need it.

  171. Hannah says

    I was at a bad point in my life and i made horrible mistake of cheating on my boyfriend who i love and i really want to get past these feelings of shame regret and guilt. We still both want to be together. Also one time when we were argueing i freaked out and headbutted him and accidently broke his nose. It was not intentional, i just feel so terrible. He forgives me and doesnt think about the past at all anymore. I am away at school and when we are apart I feel so depressed and think about the negative. When we are together everything is so great and I dont think about the past.

  172. Jacqueline says

    Had an abortion a few days ago. I was 15 and a few days pregnant,so the featus was only the size of an apple. I dont really regret diong it…as i did not want to be pregnant, BUT i feel alittle sad,and im sure i will never forget this ever..anyways…im sure in time it will heal, everyday im feeling slighty emotionaly better…but..somehow i just feel that im not WORTHY of being happy anymore becuase i did this…and IF i DO start coming around…i feel giulty..

  173. doreen says

    forgiving myself for ever getting involved with a man i though i love for running not making my family first when they are my life. letting and believing man i thought love me but only allowed him to control me. compromise my kids and my family running making very bad chooses for the sake of his love i don t know how to ever forgive myself. it was so wrong i will let it go by always being cognitive to that behavior. staying strong faceing and running or avioding. doing good as i really am i do really care. i am letting go

  174. Robert says

    Mistakes i made with a crush. I was once her best friend but my obsession with her scared her away and she’ll never forgive me.

  175. Emma says

    I am 44 and have a blessed life. When I was in high school I was not respectful of my body and did not cherish life. I had 3 pregnancy’s all of which I terminated. I have no children. I have felt I was not worthy of that gift. I had my chance and ruined the blessings that were given to me. My head understand why I made the choices but what I am finding is my heart and soul are still very raw from the pain, sadness and regret. I am working on healing the grief by honoring it’s presence. Allowing my self to cry and grieve. Talking better to that young girl who didn’t have the tools or information to make life changing decisions. This is something I will work on slow and steady and I do believe one day there will be a calm and acceptance.

  176. mavis says

    I have destroyed a marriage,,took everything from this women when i fell in love with her husband..her husband is leaving her now and wants to be with me but the guilt from what i have done is destroying me i have panic attacks and depression and sometimes feel like im losing my mind.

  177. thanDo says

    My gf an I skul together an have been dating for 9 months an things were good between us I was the one who broke Ha virginity an durin the 6th month she cheated on me wit a skul college an I found out about it ……….I dumped her an I lived wit tht regrets an I also made up wit her again because I really loVed ha an she also claimed to be inlove wit me two . She then broke up wit that other guy she was datin an I thought to myseLf that things are goin the way I want an we dated after two month she started havin male friends an whereby that male friend was my enemy .I told ha tht I wasn’t happy abt her friendship wit tht guy but she ddnt listern to me an contInued to meet up wit tht guy so I decided that I better dump ha cz she was playin wit my heart an I dd wat I was thinkin after two days later I dumped ha I felt like I should make up wit her for what I dd cz I always had tht feelin that I love her a lot an am nothing without her later that weekend my sister was invited by her to go to the party she had ther an her house an I went ther wit my sister only to find tht she ddnt even hav that care about me she wanted nothing to do wit me an I find myself thinkin abt her A lot wen I see ha I feel like cryin A lot so me still wandarin how du I let go of this feeling an forgetin abt her totaly

  178. nosh says

    im cheating on my boyfriend for nearly 5 years although i really love him and we are going to get married..i dont even know why i do so and whenever i do it i feel so terrible about myself and feeling really ashamed whenever he says ” you are the best” im like “no..im the worst human ever existed”

  179. Steve says

    I need to let go of the love I still feel for a woman that I dated in 1984-86. Our relationship had a little bit of everything, pregnancy (she wanted an abortion, I wanted to get married), we lived together for a short period (she through me out), cheating (by her) and finally humiliation by her and her new boyfried on me (we had not really broken up yet). Despite all this and no contact with her for 25 years, I discovered that she has been married for 23 years, has 3 kids and lives pretty close in the next suburb and since finding this out, I’ve felt nothing but regret and anxiety over this lost, but very idealized love. BTW, I’m happily married, 16 years with 2 teenage girls. I love my wife, who I have told everything to, but I just can’t seem to shake this ridiculous feeling that I was supposed to be with this woman who ended up hurting me in about every way she could.

  180. Help :( says

    When my ex boyfriend and I were still together, he seemed trustworthy and enjoyed a good joke, more like a friend than a boyfriend. Anyway, as a joke, he says send me a pic of you and I’ll send you a pic of me. Nothing much, knew it was just a joke neither would think much of. Remember, we were together. After we split he went and told everyone I sent pictures of my tits to him (it wasn’t even my tits) but anyway he’s making such a big deal of it and everyone looks as if they’re going to find out and leave me, including my friends. I feel so stupid for believing he could keep it, what should i do? how can I ever live this down?

  181. Guilty and ashamed says

    okay so over the weekend i became seriously drunk with my close friends, one of which is an ex boyfriend who won’t stop being flirty with me. That night he kept pushing it, and it felt pressured to not say no, and make things awkward. We kissed, and before things developed, i stopped it. I am currently in a relationship with a guy i’m conviced is my soul mate. i love him more than anything, and the fact that i kissed another guy disgusts me deep inside. i felt nothing behind the kiss other than intoxication, not thinking straight, and pressure. now all i feel is regret for what has occurred, and shame. i wish it had never happened, and i can’t stop it from eating me away, i want to forget it and focus back to the love of my life… telling him isn’t an option as he strongly dislikes my ex, and will react badly, possibly with violence, which i don’t want happening. help.

  182. Angel says

    My regret of letting a man in my life that destroyed 5 years of my life and by being afraid of his abuse and pressuring me to get abortion I gave in to him today he is out of my life but I can’t forgive my self for letting go of my little angel for him my deepest regret and how sorry I’m for this but being put down every day and loose your self esteem can’t do wonders to when we get to know what’s right what’s wrong today I know but it’s to late hope I can forgive my self for this some day but not yet

  183. Sharon says

    Two years ago I wrote an anonymous note to my daughter’s best friend’s parents warning them that she was getting involved in some serious alcohol and drug use (not the usual teenage experimentation, it was at a level that was attracting the attention of many parents and two of her peers had gone to her counselor with worries that she had a drug problem). The letter was so spur of the moment and stupid. It did not trash the girl (I was extremely fond of her and she spent a lot of time in our home, with my daughter,etc), it was more of a “this is what is going on” letter. I can’t put my head back into the mindset of the moment when I sent it but I think I just wanted them to pay more attention to the warning signs so that she did not sink further.
    Three days after they received it I told them that I had sent it. I was consumed by guilt and shame over a) how cowardly it was to send an anonymous note and b) how I probably frightened (and made paranoid) my daughter’s friend who assumed that another student had written it. I was made aware that she was certain that another friend had written it and that motivated me to confess to the parents. High school is brutal enough for girls on a good day, much less for a girl who is wrongly accused of writing an anonymous letter.
    I have tried several times to apologize and the girls’ mother will not speak to me, much less forgive me.

    I have had a couple of years to reflect on why I did it and why she will not forgive me. I know that part of the reason I felt I could not speak to her directly (other than the fact that I was afraid that my daughter would pay a social price, which happened anyway) was that I would see her get very angry at people for even small slights and would retaliate by cutting off communication with them (writing them angry letters, unfriending them on Facebook, speaking disparagingly of their daughters, etc). I am not defending what I did, it is indefensible, but I have tried to find some reason why I – a pretty direct person – chose such a slimy route.

    It has been a long time since this happened but the guilt and shame feel as acute as when it happened. I tried to somewhat comfort myself but telling me that my intentions were to prevent this girl from being further harmed (both physically and by reputation) but that doesn’t really make any difference. It was NONE of my business. Anonymous letters are cowardly and shameful, if someone has something to say and can’t stand behind it then they should not say it. By indicating that their daughter was engaging in risky behavior without their knowledge, I was criticizing their parenting which would be hurtful to any parent. I now wonder if the girl’s mother thought that my daughter was the person who told me things (she did not – nor would she ever, she loved this friend and she is a typical teenager who guards her social life) and that made her hate my daughter.
    The only tiny, possible good thing to come out of this is that my daughter has seen first hand how painful it is to not be forgiven and it has given me the chance to reinforce to her that it is important to accept apologies, forgive and move on in life.

    The (kind of) of funny thing is that if a friend came to me and told me that they had done this, I would absolutely tell them that they had to forgive themselves and to let it eat them up for years was crazy. But I cannot do this for myself.

  184. Lisa says

    I have a problem opening up in relationships. I don’t let the person know exactly how I am feeling because I stay guarded so I don’t get hurt. Almost every relationship I have had in the past 6 years has ended in them leaving me for someone else. Recently I have been brave and asked the last two people why they choose someone else. They both said it was because they didn’t think I had feelings for them.

    I beat myself up continually everyday over this. I am suffering from it right now. All the regrets of not saying what I felt and communicating appropriately. I wish I could go back and change things but I can’t and I can’t let it go. I know I am hurting myself more than anything by this behavior but I can’t stop.

  185. RS says

    I went to India with my husband after a happy trip to Cruise. I got USA visa recently. When i reach in My In-laws house. My mother-in-law was so jealous seeing both of us happy together. My sister-in-law also came there to visit family for couple of days. Both of them together done things to create misunderstanding between me and my husband. they did every possible way to harass me. they got succeed lastly. MY husband left me to my parents family saying keep your daughter with you so that her mind come on its place (all these things told by his mom to be done). at the same time my sister wedding got fixed and he insult me in front of all my parents relatives in engagement party and left. he did not attend marriage. i felt so humiliating in front my parents relatives. he messaged me after few days pls forget what happened. but i did not answered his call. I was so my upset with my ruined image in front of society. After that my husband never called me for 3 months and my mother-in-law told him not to call again to me claiming she will be in touch with me and inform him whatever i am saying. She told me over phone., you have to come here yourself as you are girl side. at the same time she was telling her son that she apologized me many time over phone. but i am abusing her over phone. On that my husband never call me back. My mother-in-law created more misunderstanding between us. so i decided to come back abroad but my big problem is whenever i see my parents relatives on social networking site i feel how they must be feeling about me. i used to pretend i am very happy in my married life. i am with my husband now since a year but not able to forget. for me the people who created all this situation i have to still be in touch with them after they did so bad things with me just because they are my husband parents and sister.

  186. anonymous says

    I have a lot of things going on in me right now!!
    Some of the people in my life have gone through a tough phase ,i feel bad for not having to trust my instincts and for not telling that this is how i feel about the thing which has messed up your life.i should have felt more accpeting about me with youll :(
    I was supposed to send a video to my bf as a gift…i started off a bit late…it was late..but not so late that i cant complete it,
    And a million things went rong….first with the sys then with the maker….i couldnt even take help as i rose the plan late..and finally my wishes to him ,i thought should be along with the video…and dint wish him until the night of his bday :’((
    Stupid thinking
    Just couldnt take time out for him on his bday for wishing him,this is how i think he feels about it.
    I would like to tell,sorry dear,ur bday is a celebration to me.as i can see you celebrate…but sorry for letting you down on your special day baby :’(

  187. sadlest says

    ok see I was 14 to 15 years old then I used to go on roof to sleep of my appartment with my friends in summers due to top much heat I was new to what we call sex that time and that time me and my friend kissed (m a guy and he is a guy too) and toiched each other many times now m 18 I know now what is gay but m not gay m stright I want to let go mmy past

  188. forever blue says

    Hatred anger hurt for my ex bf who dumped me and badly hurt my feelings my heart is badly broken into pieces I can’t forgive him for cheating and dumping me

  189. missy says

    I’m prone to exaggerating – I’ve been through some tough times in the past but I felt the need to make them sound worse – not lying but making it more dramatic. Probably seeking sympathy. I fear people find out and despise me. I need to break away from the guilt I feel over this as it was years ago. I struggle to forgive myself and move on from the times that were already tough. I was struggling to forgive myself and those that caused the tough times, but hitting some very sad times recently and I realise that there is more to life than self pity.

  190. jason says

    This is huge that I am writing this right now because I don’t like to bother people with my emotions.. I have always been told I am the most nicest great guy from many girls but over and over again I put everything and my heart to make the person I am with feel like a princess but over and over again I am left by myself and a broken heart. It makes me feel like a complete failure. And the hard part is I have no clue what I did to deserve this or get dumped.. I don’t ask for much. Love me be loyal to god and me. And dint disrespect me and I will do everything in my power to give you everything u want and need. Its so hard to forgive the people that hurt you. I am vet and my wife cheated and divorced me while I was in iraq. It nearly killed me just from a broken heart. Ill admit I didn’t care about life at that point. I lost 25 pounds in two weeks from stress and not caring or eating.to my ex wife I am sorry I never went on walks with you when u asked after I got home from work everyday. I have regretted it for years that I didn’t. You were my everything and I joined the army so I could give you us a good life.i didnt cry when I left for iraq and I am sorry for that. I was trying to be strong even though I was torn to bits leaving you and going to war. But I loved you and if it meant going to war to provide for you then that’s what j was going to do. Idk what I would do without god and my family. My childhood was a complete shit. That’s why I don’t remember much at all because I blocked so much stuff out so I wouldn’t remember anything bad. Idk what to do. I’m lost and all I want is to find my one and only. I know so many people have been through the same and worse that’s why I want to help people so they don’t end up hating life. Thanks. . I really needed to talk about some of this and let go. I still have a lot more letting go to do but this is a first step so thank you!

  191. Deb says

    I’m sorry for not getting help/therapy in my marriage to [name] and for arguing in front of the kids, for all my anger towards him, for destroying our marriage with my anger and mental illness, I want to forgive myself, I forgive myself for being who I was and where I was at the time

  192. Li says

    i was in a relationship for the past 3 years with a boy of my college. we are in the same year.. his year of birth is 91 and mine is also 91.. but i hid it from him.. i said it as 92… later few days back i told him the truth.. he accepted that.. he was ok with it… now suddenly he is blaming me that i have planned everything beforehand and hidden my actual age so that i can get physical pleasure from him.. ya we were in a physical relation… but i loved him truely… enen the day i yold him the truth about my age.. he was completely ok with it.. but he is suddenly saying these things now..he wants to leave me anyhow.. but he does not have any other girlfriend.. i am sure.. still he broke up with me … i cant forget him coz we had physical relation… i am so depressed… what shall i do ??… how can i forget him forever ??

  193. Mandisa says

    Not doing well in college. And finishing on time. It’s making me. So. Unhappy about life. Also choosing the wrong guys.

  194. Julie says

    I was an abused child, got into an abusive marriage. I knew what a mental mess I’d become, never planned kids. At 32 became pregnant (rather miraculous since our marriage had become virtually sexless). My abuser became the man I fell in love with again…while Iwas pregnant till our son was about 18 months old. Then the verbal abuse started again. I was miserable and wanted to leave, but he’d told me if I ever left him he’d take my son and I’d never see him again. When our son, Caelen, was five, the physical abuse started again. ?. In front of Caelen. I was NOT going to allow my son to grow up witnessing abuse! So, despite his threat to take Caelen from me, I left the abusive now-Ex. He did take my son from me…kidnapped him from school one day. Didn’t get to see my son for a year, but his cryi g for me caused his dad to let us visit. Still, I regret that I lost my right and privilege to raise my child, to be a daily part of his life. Our relationship cannot be ever become what it should have been, should be, and that’s my fault for leaving his dad (who would not move out owhen asked). I blame myself, Icry daily about my irreparable loss, but at least my son did not suffer the effects of growing up in an abusive home. He is confident and seems happy and well adjusted…for an 18 year old. I hate myself for not being there for him more though, because he did learn a lot of his dad’s disrespect of household members and slovenliness. But I cant change that now. I can only love my boy, unconditionally.

  195. Tamara says

    I have been having a hard time forgiving myself lately for things I would have brushed off at a younger age. I am only 22 however, still young, but I feel as if I have let alcohol make a ton of bad decisions for me. Or maybe it is because I had a son 7 months ago and I want to be a better person, a better mom. Needless to say I got myself a babysitter one night, drank an overly amount of alcohol and decided to have a one night stand. This would have been something I probably could have brushed off a couple years ago, but now it is eating at me. It’s bringing up my past and I almost feel dirty for everything I have done. Sex with people who meant nothing to me? I have slept with 4 guys, however, only one i loved. This is not the life I want. I want to meet someone nice and I don’t want to be ashamed about my past anymore. I want sex to be something meaningful for me, not some urge I cannot control when I am drinking. Which brings me to drinking. I keep kicking myself for not getting my shit together. I do not get drunk often because of my son, but when I do…i seem to get drunk to the point my judgement is blurred and I make bad decisions and I’m sick of it. I want to be a better person and have more self respect for myself. It’s been so hard to forgive myself for not being the person I deserve. I hope to one day let go of all my regret and pain and make better decisions for myself, to be someone I am proud of

  196. The Girl Who Thinks Too Much says

    I want to stop feeling so horrible all the time and forgive myself for mistakes. When people are mean to me, or treat me poorly in any way, I take it. I internalize all my feelings and wait until I crack. Then I react in a way that I later feel guilty about. I dont think about the horrible things people said or how they acted.. All I think about is me and how I should have known better. I beat myself up for months about things that I can not change. If I stand up for myself and someone gets mad at me about it, I feel bad. I fucking hate this cycle and I feel like I cant help myself anymore. I want to get better.

  197. robert paulan says

    Not ever revealing to the many women in my life that I was bi-sexual. I discovered that this was the reason I would never commit to a women.

  198. max lang says

    Yes hello. I expect you’ve heard of this type of regret before many of times, in away it’s sad but complicated at the same time…

    I grew up and was raised from a normal working class background. Considering this background
    I have made good choices in my life and bad choices. Basically ,the good choices and good luck have been; that I have travelled, achieved to be an accomplished musician – a drummer and percussionist who plays in bands and in general someone who is fairly happy with life. However, their is one side of mylife that I’m not happy with and I do realize I’m not alone with this issue.

    It is ,well, being in many bands and playing with bands , you wouldn’t of thought I would have this problem? it’s to do with social anxiety….I think I started to late in going out with girls, I was always abit shy and underconfidant with girls at school and into my college years. I did only have and still have a 1st girlfriend at age 36 which unfortunately only lasted 2 months… of which this short-term fling/relationship,
    was a big mess and became abusive on both parts. In a nutshell what I’m saying of the whole part of why I’m writing to you is that I have had not much experience /luck in having many close friends and many girls/fun
    when in my youth-more specifically between the ages of 21 and 30, and I don’t know why…? I do feel as thoe many oppertunities
    were missed and also believe that not enough came my way. So , although during those years I worked , travelled and did what I loved- playing out in bands …etc all the normal things ,like going out with girls , going to party’s I didn’t do, maybe a couple of party’s , but that was it… Women have mainly been my problem, never did have any as friends or really got to know any of the years. This hasn’t done me any good and now at age 39 I look back with regret/ choice ? but, alot of this then was out of my control, I guess I was never that good at it or popular… It’s not all bad I do have- now have musician friends – a couple and two good friends -personal friends. However, when out and about I do see couples, and friends in groups and all this comes up in me from time to time and i become upset and feel with shame that all this didn’t happen to me not even a little bit. It has become a angerered resentment and feel as thoe I’ve left things to late or it has left me to late… I’m now at present living back with my mother as a result of recession and trying to get myself back on track and out of debt… of which I’m nearly on top of.

    My friend situation is better these days but unfortunately involves know women. I have tried internet dating to no avail and basically i don’t have the patience for it. But, it is mainly the critical years in my youth that I feel as thoe i’ved lost and missed…

    Now at 39 , part of me ironically just wants
    a quiet life but the other part just wants to party animal… this is normal I know to some extent but how can i either let go of this past that was misspent, not normally enjoyed and a battle to form relationships be erased…? mayb it can’t ? afterhaul was and is a large part of someones life. How can i get over this ? and deal with it…?

    I pretty much came from a good normal loving family , my parents separated when i was age 13 . However , Me and my brother were raised and brought up jewish as my farther is , but
    our/ my mother isn’t . this i think has made me confused – because i have been for years essentially walking around wondering what I am and who I am…?; do i want a jewish wife / partner, or don’t I ? as a result , confused with mixed feelings ….

    Could you please try and make sense of some of this and tell me how i can if possible let this part of my life go or help me deal with it in some way better as I do feel as thoe I ‘ve missed and messed up…?

    • Anthony Centore says

      M. L.

      If you need help for anything, please feel free to give us a call anytime at 1-855-2-THRIVE. We are here for you.

  199. Abhishek verma says

    i did mistake to hurt my girlfriend. she was trying to convince me for marriage but everyone was readdy but that time i was not ready mently but her marriage is fixed and now telling i will never forgive and never come back to you.. she left me and now m alone and not ready for move on.. totlly feel regret, heartache because she loves me lot but now the things are changed. what to do?

  200. Evelyn says

    I want to let go of the anger and resentment toward my ex-boss about how unfairly and unsympathetically she she treated me publicly and privately, particularly when I became partially disabled with hip arthritis after 15 years of being in her employ and doing very good work. She said mean and demeaning things to me in front of others, belittled my work, told me to shut up on several occasions, and purposefully asked me to do things she knew I could not physically do. She made my life so miserable I quit, with what little self-esteem I had left.

    I want to let go of this

  201. annie says

    I dont understand I was abused always being called thick stupid and sexually being beaten up raped by my family , my 3 husbands , everyone in my life has had affairs why am I that bad I hurt so much so badly .even my present husbands tells me lies when I know from his actions etc that he has had affair at work etc . he has never shown me that he wants me I always feel he wants some one else every time I suggest having a romantic time etc and so he he makes exuces and does other things and so when we was both shot at he never ever put his arms around me and say I am glad that your ok instead he left me to cope alone .so I had an affair which I regret I got the attention I craved but then he started to abuse me so decided I would try to commit suicide, I just feel that I am alone and everything is fake .
    he cannot even touch me feel me but this has gone one for many yrs prior to the affair.
    I really wish and hope that by going back to the basics writing everything down what we do for each other how we feel about each other what hurts each other and how we can improve on things that if we don’t do this and try . our marriage is over I have lost feelings I cant find them , been hurt so much just so scared of allowing my heart to open again.
    to be honest I do not really want to be with him or anyone else .
    but I am going to give it a try and if it fails then its a divorce .I feel my life is over

  202. Lupado@yahoo.com says

    I’m sorry for making you feel like you were never good enough. I’m sorry you carried around so much self hate that you took it out on others. I’m sorry I never let you love yourself for who you are today.

  203. Chiquita says

    Im letn go of all the thgs that are from my past and all my sins from my past life i am a new person who loves jesus and lives for him lettn go of self hate unfotgiveness guilt shame past hearts harsh people everythg worldly amen

  204. frag says

    Iam married and told a friend i had a crush on him and he stopped talking to me.I was never going to persue it or have an affair and i dont even know why i said it???My emotions over took me and i regret everything.I have guilt for saying it because im married,i feel embarrased that i said it to other person and now he wont talk to me.

  205. Mama says

    I messed things up with my sister inlaw and my neighbours now we all dont get along i am afraid to go outside how will i face them i want to move on and let go

  206. Stuck in a rut says

    I was a confident, bold and happy person. I joined college. I was far from my family in a place I was unfamiliar with. I fell for a guy who came from my country. He was initially my friend. I trusted him. He used to ask me to go and tell other girls that he liked them. I found this to be very cheap but I did it all the same. These girls wisely turned him down. I guess eventually he asked me to be his Gf. He called me and said he’ll kill himself since nobody loves him. I was 17. I believed him. Like an idiot I agreed to be his girlfriend. We did a lot of stuff together that I’m not proud of. But I was stubborn enough to not lose my virginity. And he eventually agreed not to press on the subject. I lived with him for some time. During all this time he would tell a sob-story of how he was not loved by his parents and how he couldn’t live without me. I actually believed him. There was this nagging doubt in my mind but I pushed it away trying to be a pious partner. He used to take a lot of my money for buying his clothes and his food. Foolishly I gave him my Debit card’s password also. Soon I realised a large sum of money was missing from my account. This is where my parnts stepped in. They came to know about the relationship and quickly and quietly took me away from that place. They supported me and forgave me. I enrolled for a new course and am back on track though I lost 2 years of my life. I’m a Christian and from a conservative background. I can’t forgive myself for all the pain I caused to my parents, for the years I lost. I used to love myself before, now I hate to look at myself. I study really hard and am the college topper, but even that attempt at redemption is not helping me heal. I worry that I’ll be alone in life because I can’t bring myself to marry any guy. I feel that I’ll be cheating on him if I don’t tell him the truth. And if whoever he is, comes to know of my past, will not forgive me or accept me as his wife(I’m from very orthodox and conservative background). I strongly believe this. I’ve tried being positive, tried to talk myself out of it. But I can’t. I’m stuck and the fears keep coming back. As a result I cannot love myself any more and have radically changed in character. I’ glad I could get this of my chest.

  207. Anna says

    Having sex with my bf before marriage in high school. The relationship ended and now I cannot let it go. I’m a Christian and I’m living with all this guilt built up that I don’t know what to do with. I feel I have no one to talk to about it too. Help :(

  208. sebu says

    that am a failure…i dnt know what i am..my friends have improved in life and am far back.
    I have a disfuctional family..
    My lil sister is a drug addict and thr is nothing i can do about it.My step dad pretends to care for me when deep down he regrets ever marrying my mother.my mother is broken down because all she ever had for men are abusers.I want to improve my life and find a career but am a failure..i am dumb in classes…i hate life

  209. kimberwlf says

    I had a boyfriend that I fell very much in love with, rather quickly. I was scared…I became very fearful once I relaized my feelings were so strong. This fear made me find things wrong in the relationship..things now that I see really didnt matter. We argued and I did not let things go when I should have. Out of what may be just frustration, he broke up with me and ended all contact. Now I have lost someone because I could not control my fear and know when to just let things go.

  210. Me says

    Many years ago we were in a relationship. You were sweet. I liked you a lot.. But you weren’t for me..not so soon and not when I had so much conflict within myself. I cheated, broke up with you, and then got with someone else right after and rubbed it in your face. Then was surprised when you didn’t even want to be my friend anymore. I went around everything totally wrong. I was horrible to you when you were nothing but amazing to me. I’m so sorry for the pain I caused. Years passed and I kept randomly apologizing to you without any reply. I thought I couldn’t move past this because I didn’t have your forgiveness. I see now that it’s your choice and you’ve moved on. It’s now up to me to forgive myself. I’m now letting go of the past. Of all my hurtful choices. I’m leaving you with nothing but love and light.

  211. Alicia says

    Making a career choice that was not a secure job. I now have a good offer, but I keep thinking that I should have done this before, that somehow I should not have made the poor choices that I made.

  212. jj says

    Recently Have Become More Self Aware. For Years Voiced Judgements About Loved Ones That Were Negative. Realize Now Those Were Born From My Own Insecurities. Have Been Able To Correct That But StruggliNg With If I Have To Fess Up To Each Of Them Or Just Continue ToGrow On My New Path…HaVe Many Thoughts Of Guilt And Fears THat SomeThing I Have Said in The Past May Come Back To Haunt A Strong Healthy Relationship I Have Now With A Loved One.

  213. jim says

    Since my last post I have worked hard to turn my thoughts of myself around and to understand that I am human. Although only a few will truly understand that, the need to be “perfect” can drive you into despair. I want to say that everyone on this post has helped me so much to know I am not alone in the day to day struggle. I have slowly learned that its okay to be imperfect. Its okay to dream again, its okay to forgive myself, its okay to pursue a life of happiness after I have stumbled so many times. Not one time in my deepest pain did I ever feel that God expected me to through my life on the scrap heap and give up. I constantly had heap those coals on myself. These posts have been a blessing to me and help me to realize that we can all gone on no matter the past, I wish the very best for everyone here, I pray you find peace and that you find the happiness you deserve.

  214. JM says

    I worked for a drug/alcohol rehab facility, in a non-clinical position, and started trading texts with a client. The texts became sexual in nature and I was fired as a result. I jeopardized her recovery and ruined my reputation after being sober for almost 7 years. The guilt, shame and embarrassment are overwhelming at times. I’m struggling to get back on my feet and convince myself that I’m worthy of anything.

  215. Elizabeth says

    I want what I have been told I will never have–the respect of my adult son and a good relationship with him. Although I have apologized, said I’m sorry, asked for forgiveness, given him things, loaned him things, overlooked things, told him how much I love him over and over, he will not forgive me. He was the joy of my life until his sister was born and I became extremely depressed. One tragedy after another befell our family and although I sought help, my depression worsened, leading me to be a harsh, absent parent. Not until he was grown did I find an effective antidepressant. My heart aches, but my son is steadfast in his rejection of me. Because he lives nearby, I see him and his family at least once a week, and it is so painful. I pray that God will heal this, but nothing has changed in over 15 years. I am desperate at times, and I just want to let go of hopelessness.

  216. Christina says

    I’m 15 and I’m a strong Christian , I have a friend and did not know she was Bi sexual she kept forcing me to do stuff and begging but I didn’t. She kept asking and asking so she kissed me and I kissed back I feel really bad and disappointed in myself this has been on my heart and chest for a while

  217. George says

    Thank you for this form. It is brilliant.

    I want to let go of the time I asked Helen to buy CDs for me at with her employee discount, causing a rift in our friendship and my friendship with other former co-workers.

  218. Julia says

    I’m 27 and I have just ended an almost five-year relationship with my boyfriend two weeks ago. I can’t forgive myself for not realising earlier that we were not meant for eachother. During our relationship there were many times I felt uncertain about our relationship and there really were times I felt sometihng missing. But I could never figure out if these problems were real reasons to break up or just problems I had to figure out within myself. I often was stuck in a dilemma, unable to decide what to do and unable to act in an unhesitant way to really act upon my decision to sort things out. Looking back, I feel I just wasn’t brave enough to face the truth and I was procrastinating. I wasn’t being honest to myself or my boyfriend because I was afraid of what would happen if we broke up.
    Now I feel guilty for being weak and I feel inferior because it took me so much time to decide what to do. I feel like I should have figured this out much sooner. I thought I was smarter than this. I though I was much more intelligent when it comes to dealing with relationships and feelings.

  219. yen says

    i said something worse and bad during the breakup..she asking for brekup and then i said the something worse to her….after that i realised why dont i just accepted the brekup …i really regrets its until i just cannot accept myself today.please i want to let g this guilt .

  220. Anonymous says

    I’m 18 and have been dealing with depression for a year now. The guy I dated was my friend for 2 years.Before we started dating, he started to have serious health issues. I stayed by his side visiting him at the hospital often which made us become even closer.
    He started to recover somewhat and we started dating. It was my most serious relationship but he never told me he loved me until the day we broke up. I lost my virginity to him because I felt comfortable with who he was. I trusted him.. Two months later we broke up and he does not care to speak to me to this day even though i have tried numerous amount of times. He has girlfriend now.
    He wasn’t just any other guy so it broke my heart to know that put so much into him but he left me there to rot in pain and be alone even though I was there for him when he was going through the hardest time of his life. This is my first step to Finally letting go!

  221. James says

    I am currently at the age of 14 and I am suffering strong anxiety and depression, it has sliced its way through my school holidays, so far leaving only about a week free of depression. Unlike some other comments I have read on here, my anxiety and depression only seems to come up every so often, it seems to come when I’m feeling happy about something and check to make sure nothing recently has gone wrong. It has happend in the past when I was around 10 years old and led to making me stay off school for a long while in my primary school. It then seemed to clear off itself with no serious therapy as I was younger. Now, however I am feeling a lot worse, I think about things I heavily regret and 99 percent of the time I am told they don’t matter or aren’t bad at all by many different people I explain it to, this makes me feel better for up to 3 hours or so however the worries about past thoughts come back to haunt me once again. The worries are normally about silly or stupid things I had done as a child and have learnt from and never done again. One f the first things I worried about was when I felt I had bullied someone when I was 11 in school, I had pretended to ask a girl if she liked me as a joke, she said yes, however I then told her that it was a joke it didn’t make her cry or seriously upset her and recently I have explained the problem to teachers and they said it was nothing to worry about, I also asked if I could apologise to make me feel like a better person so they brung the girl in and I said sorry, even though I ask her if it upset her and she couldn’t even remember what I was talking about. The next few worries were nothing major and don’t really need to be explained. These worries have very recently cleared off and I have forgotten about them, unfortunately these worries had appeared at the time of my birthday and ruined my birthday which I spent sobbing upstairs while family was downstairs. I had since seen friends and acted like a more normal person, doing things like hanging around with them and going out places. The worries have sadly found their way back into my mind (not the same ones) and this time I am mainly worrying about when I was chasing a girl slightly younger than me who wa with her friends around a local youth club I then for some reason said as a joke I had I knife (I was 11) I had no intention to really scare her however she did get scared and started crying I tried to explain to her that I didn’t really have a knife and tried to say sorry but she was scared and upset and didn’t listen. Recently (2 years later) I rode down to the youth club and told a member of staff that what I said wasn’t in any way meant to upset her, he remembered and agreed with me and shuk my hand without me having to explain too much he said it was fine, we all make mistakes and he said he hoped to see me again there soon, as I hadn’t been there since it happend
    I am now a lot better person even though I wasn’t bad at all at the time these things happend. I have learnt and am now very responsible but just can’t get these worries out of my head

  222. Anonymous says

    Foryears I’ve been suffering from depression, anxeity and being Paranoid. I just recently had found this out. I’m ashamed of the things I use to do as a kid. I beat myself up everyday behind it. I felt that as I child that no one cared about me. I hurt people that I love and was also hurt too, Physically & Emotionally. I was bullied by people who I use to call my friends. I went on with life thinking people are out to get me. I’ve never been in a relationship before, because I feel I’m not deserving of it. I feel like I’m not good enough for anyone.recentlyIforgave my brother for how he treated me as a child, because he asked for my forgiveness. Days after that. He brought a friend over to me and my mothers house. And I thought he was walking all over me when he told me not to tell her because she was on vacation. So I confronted him about him having a girl over and he went off on me about how I have a meserable life and that I’m jealous, because I have no one. You know, despite how he came off, the things he said aboutmeere true. I am mesrable, because I have no life, no car. I feel this way because I’ve been latching onto the past for so long now. I thought I had changed from all of that, but I recently had got a wake up call that told me that I hadn’t changed. I think most of it has to deal with hurting people that I care about. And I want god to forgive me for it. I want to change, I want a life. I don’t want to be stuck in this rut anymore. Somedays, I feel like I don’t deserve to live. I feel like all of the bullying that I had experienced had me thinking that. There were even days were I didn’t love myself. I feel like I need to get out of all the negative out my life. I cannot continue to go on like this anymore. I feel like I hit rock bottom. I have to make a change.

  223. Anna says

    I wanna forigve myself for not trusting enough in man i love most in world,i wanna forgive myself for not being strong enough to keep our love,i wanna forgive myself for saying bad words and being stubborn and angry words i said even though inside i was keeping lot of love words. I wanna forgive myself for being sure we will always be together even though i didnt work on it enough. I wanna forgive myself for letting love of my life go away,for hurting someone who cared about me loved me for good and bad,i wanna forgive myself that i broke his heart and i wanna forgive myself that i cant hold his hand now and wont see ever his happy eyes when he looks at me.

  224. jim says

    I have lived a life of condemning myself when something would happen. I have blamed myself because I felt unworthy of the love of God. I don’t fully understand why I have felt that way, but I have and it can be a very painful experience. It is very hard to say this without sounding like I am very high on myself. But my heart has experienced a lot of things and opened me up to such deep compassion for people and animals that I feel it has worked against my own happiness. More than anything I have not allowed myself to be human, to forgive my own self. Sometimes I look back and see the positive things I have done and discount them. I was recently divorced and I wonder if I had been a good influence on my daughter [ step daughter ]. The marriage had become a field of argument, it was not healthy and I needed to exam my own self. I know that needing to say these things no doubt will help me because I become far too introspective and I am just beginning to realize that I have made mistakes, a bunch of them, but in my mind I am coming to believe that just maybe God doesn’t want me to feel condemned or like the scum of the earth. I think I need emotional healing and to challenge the view that I am worthy of love. I have made a lot of mistakes but not forgiven myself a lot of the time. I would love to hear from some of you on here, I am working hard to heal and sincerely would appreciate any encouragement.

  225. ann says

    Thanks guys for sharing,at least im not the only one going through guilt,regret and betrayal. im trying so hard and the alcohol isnt helping to numb the pain:-(

  226. Gazale says

    Before I become 22, I was such a stupid, ugly, annoying, actually an awful girl. But for past 2 months I’m working on it changing myself completely, my behavior,appearance everything.before 22 when I was laughing I hated myself, When I was going to someone as a guest I couldnot manage it well, breaking the toys of my causin messing around, or when I was talking to other people sometimes I couldnot even control the way I talk, speaking of stupid and unrelated things, I didnot even like my voice (working on it too). Forgetting the past somehow differs I mean when you completely hate your personality it is really difficult. I always had a perfect personality in my mind,always wanted to be like a perfect girl, but even that I am 22 I couldnot be one, I hate to be disgusting. Can you please tell me how to manage my disgusting personality and stop leaving like … I really cannot put a name on it. I really want to see the world but my personality is like giant, ugly thing making me more disgusting

  227. Reese says

    Recently, a friend of mine was sent a hate mail by someone she thought was a friend of hers. Seeing how down she was after all the shock of being told of what the person thought she was, all my fear, guilt and shame has gone into overdrive as I’ve done the same thing three years ago. Unfortunately, I sent mine anonymously and the person’s family is a friend of mine. Few minutes of clouded judgement due to anger and I am now living in a lifetime of regrets. I didn’t even mean the things I said in the mail. The purpose was to hurt her but in the end, I hurt myself more. Right now, all I can feel is pain, pain and more pain. To be able to feel this pain is starting to feel beautiful. I fear the absence of pain everyday in my life as it ismy only friend at the moment. How can I help my friend who is now in need of moral support when everything that she says about how she feels is like dagger to my soul? My spirit is shattered, everything I hear and see is a reminder of what I’ve done. I decided to slowly hide away from everyone I know. I do not deserve my friends, my family everything that I have. I wasn’t to turn my life around as it is affecting me and my kids badly I can no longer function properly.

  228. Paul Belfrage says

    I wanted to thank everyone for their generostity in sharing on this blog. We can all talk the talk..because we know this walk, and how devestating it can be on our lives! I wondered if any of you have heard of a brilliant book By Dr Norman Doige, entitled “The brain that changes itself” an extraordinary essay in how our brain has developed how it can be reprogrammed and the startling changes that have been made by ordinary people in addressing their life sabotaging mental self talk. I know how hard and life sapping this condition of anxiety is on all of us..have a look at this book it may assist some of you out there..it has taken us a long time to develop our negative thinking habits about ourselves..so it stands to reason that undoing these old habits may be a lengthy process.
    Best wishes to all!

  229. abhishek says

    i dont know what to do. i just want to die. i am 19 years old and i have destroyed my dreams and all my friend and girlfriend is away from me. i am stuck in my house and they are living thier live outside the city in another city. please help i want my happiness back. today before writing this i cried for 2 hours and really i feel why am i facing this. my mom and dad also dont stay with me iam left alone and i will die of crying. my girlfriend is also geting away from me because of our fights. please please please please for the love of god plz save my life. i want my old life back please. ;-(

    • Anthony Centore says

      Abhishek,

      We are extremely concerned about your situation. Suicidal thoughts represent an emergency situation. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please immediately call 911, or (800) SUICIDE or (800)784-2433. ext 911.

      If you want to seek counseling, we have offices across the US or we can also do online or phone counseling. Please call us at 1-855-2-THRIVE if we can be of any assistance.

  230. Vivi says

    I feel so depressed and I kind of started using meth again I don’t want to go through this any more help.. I ess doing so good I don’t know what happened… I stop goin my tio the g th m somebody please help

  231. Phuong says

    I did a lot of things that I am ashamed of when I was a teenager. J
    I am 25 now and am starting to feel what it’s like to have depression and anxiety.the regrets and guilt had turned my feelings upside down. I must forgive myself and move on because I don’t want to enjoy my life over something I did in the past. What we did in the past is what we felt is right at the time due to the knowledge or the thinking we had at the time. With the knowledge we have now. It makes us feel bad because we would prob have not done I we knew what we know now. Hindsight is always 20/20. We must let it go and live in the present. There are no I should of, would of or could of

  232. Gail T says

    Lorrie,
    I, too, held deep anger towards my mother and father in regards to their divorce, her depression, and his 2nd wife and his neglect. At 53, with Mom gone for 22 years and Dad for 7, I miss them terribly and wonder why I could not see that the real responsibility for my life lay within me. Yes, the seeds were sown for my depression, but I chose to nurture them. Having made many of the same mistakes my parents made, I now understand that the most important thing is for families to love and cherish one another, with all their flaws included. It’s sad that so many of us learn this too late. You are human, you made mistakes, and it is up to your daughter to choose to let it go now or later, when you are gone.

  233. Belinda says

    My drinking to hide my feelings ruined the relationship I had with my boyfriend/ best friend. I’m having trouble getting over the guilt and hurt I feel for what I’ve done but also some anger that he was not more supportive of my addition because he went thru addiction and I was there for him. I feel he’s judging me to harshly, but I need forgiven for myself before I can ever expect him to possibly forgive me. I’ve just never felt so alone.

  234. Lorrie says

    I have been feeling guilt for over 20 years. I married a man who did not care for my children. My children were about the ages of 11 and 12 years of age when we married. My daughter is now 40 years of age and has been living with anger because of this marriage. She told me when she was young that this husband was mentally abusive, but at the time I thought it just a teen not getting along with a stepfather. Reciently my daughter told me that she has not had good relationships and suffers from depression because I allowed this husband to mentally abuse her. I did devorce this man when my daughter was age 17. Like I said earlier I already felt guilt, but after my daughter basically told me her life has been ruined by me, my guilt is now overwhelming. I appoligized to her for not protecting her, but she has not told me she has forgiven me. I love my children more than anything and regret having this man in my life. I know I need to move on and forgive myself but I can’t.

  235. Dianne says

    Need to find help for my husband. Feels really down and possibly depression . Has a lot of pressure financially and is turning to a destructive path to his health to numb the pain. Don’t know where to seek help.

  236. Edgar says

    I couldn’t make a happy home for my daughter. I loved her mother with infinite passion, but that same passion made us have horrible fights, we just had bad timing with each other when we both were growing. She’s always seemed fine moving on and i feel like I’ve taken all the guilt for everything bad from our relationship. I’ve been stuck here for years now. I feel I’ll be here forever.

  237. Peter says

    I must try and forgive myself, I have done terrible things to the relationship I have with my dear, dear wife. We were about to set out on a life changing move both home and employment but at the last moment I could not do it and the chance has gone.I am 57 and think I have run out of time to make a big changes. My wife does not seem to forgive me but I am trying very hard to make amends.I hope to God that I will get another chance! I want to give her what she needs and deserves.

  238. Ruth says

    I have major depression. seeing a counselor and on anti depressant.
    My depression seems to come from not being able to move on with my life when am estranged from son and his family. Has been ongoing for about 10 years. Have been writing in a journal about this but seems to make me dwell on the problems all the more.
    I want to just move on , but seem stuck!

  239. Alex says

    I’m 54 and have not been able to frogive myself for not saving my alcoholic father who went on a path of self destruction until he finally disappeared. I keep having derpessions and terrible bouts of anxiety for not having been able to heal him, 2which of course was impossible because i was his child .
    Maybe i should forgive him too.

  240. Michelle says

    I myself am living with guilt, it seems so hard to forgive myself.. I find myself feeling guilty over little things, when I was 8,9,even 10 years old I remember feeling guilty all the time… I sometimes tell myself that I don’t deserve anything I have, that the choices I am making and have made will never be able to be made right, but this helped a lot, and I am more than willing to seek further help from a counselor.. And to know there are others who feel like I do is comforting, knowing that I’m not alone helps. Thank you.

  241. Scott Parker says

    I’m reminded of a scene in the Matrix at the very end when the agents are shooting at Neo and he holds up his hand and says on word…’NO!’ All the bullets fall to the ground. To me, depression guilt over the past MUST be dealt with in this same manor. You have to just decide that enough is enough. My regret comes from past relationships and carrying the hurt over into the next one. I have used relationships as a sign of validation. Along the way I have hurt many. I am walking in a sense of forgiveness as I have reached out just as George has done and asked those who I hurt to forgive me. Some accept it, some don’t. When it comes to forgiveness however, we have to get to a place where we can forgive the most important person in our lives …ourselves.

    I can’t keep living like this. I’m 44 yrs old and have wasted far too much time. Thank you Vanese for saying it in one short yet clear sentence: It’s by choice we forgive others, it’s commendable when they choose to forgive us, but it is crucial that we forgive ourselves.

  242. George says

    Like John I’m also a 52 yr old man, and have gone to counseling in the past. I’ve been carrying a sackload of guilt for things I can remember doing when I was 8,9, 10 years old. I was bullied as a child and as a result I bullied my younger brothers, was mean to my pets on occasion.

    As I got into my mid 20′s and 30′s and grew physically I started becoming what I hated, a bully myself. To keep this shorter, I’ve hurt a lot of people and did a lot of people wrong, many who didn’t deserve it.

    I’ve apologized to my brothers and explained why I think I did what I did, but I still don’t feel completely forgiven by 1 or 2, and to this day there is little relationship outside of family get-togethers.

    This is the year I’ve decided to let it all go, even though I don’t know how or how i’ll even know whether I have truly let it go. I’ve given myself crying sessions in the past but shortly after I think of things and still feel the guilt and regret.

    Thanks for your time,
    George

  243. Vanese says

    It’s by choice we forgive others, it’s commendable when they choose to forgive us, but it is crucial that we forgive ourselves.

    -Vanese Henley

  244. Sheila Davenport says

    I’ve been struggling with forgiveness for a long time now. The bitterness and resentment I felt toward the person who hurt me was physically making me sick and turning me into a person nobody wanted to be around. The more I read the bible and pray, the more I understand that letting go is what God requires of me. I was actually listening to a discussion about forgiveness before I posted this. I’m attaching the link below and I hope it is a blessing to someone out there who is struggling with forgiveness as well. God Bless You!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXlx2K-8O5Q&feature=relmfu

  245. Karen says

    I too have suffered depression and anxiety for many years, since I was a teenager and I’m now 32. I feel it is just escalating into more deep rooted issues and I know inside myself it boils down to the fact I hate the person I was and the things I did when I was self destructing. I have changed a lot since then and for the better but I can’t let go of the guilt I feel and the hatred I still feel in myself for not doing things differently. I feel like I deserve to be punished and I can’t see anyone ever changing the way I do feel about myself. I’ve had years of counselling and therapy and tried various medications but nothing has ever stopped this and it’s ruining my life. I want to stop living in the past and let go of it before my children realise just how messed up I really am inside.

  246. John says

    I have suffered from depression/anxiety for many years and have been to several therapists. In my most recent therapy session I had always thought my problems was because I didn’t like myself. I found that I do like myself, but in the course of finding this, I also found I harbor a lot of guilt…I mean a lot of guilt. I never realized what guilt can manifest into.

    Now I have to let this guilt go and (1) I’m absolutely terrified, and (2) I don’t even know where to begin. I read your comments, but they just jumble in my mind. I fear that the guilt has built up for so many years that I will never be able to release it and forgive myself.

    I’m 52 years old and I’ve already “wasted” most of my life because I was never able to experience it fully. I want to be able to experience what life I have left. I want happiness and love and all the joys I’m entitled to.

    John

    • Thriveworks says

      John,

      Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s really encouraging to hear from persons who have benefitted so much in their lives from counseling (and from the work they’ve put into it!). BTW, at 52, I think you have a lot of life left to experience!

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