How to rekindle a relationship: Tips and strategies

The honeymoon phase of relationships is full of excitement, love, passion, and anticipation. Often, you feel like you can’t get enough of each other. Eventually, though, this phase comes to an end. You settle into the relationship and everything becomes normal and, sometimes, you and your partner start to drift apart

To be clear: There is nothing wrong with this. It’s completely natural for relationships to enter and exit the honeymoon phase. However, when it comes to reviving and improving a relationship, it might be worth revisiting what made you both excited and happy in the first place.

How Do You Get the Spark Back in a Relationship?

The best way to get the spark back in a relationship and revive it is to have an open, honest conversation with your partner. 

It can be helpful to think back to times in the relationship when you both felt that there was a spark and a level of excitement. What was occurring? What were your habits and routines? What made you feel wanted, loved, and/or excited? 

Next, look at ways that you can realistically include some of these things back into your schedule. You can’t go from zero to 100, but you can start with something simple, like setting a goal of doing one “fun thing” a week together. 

Can You Rekindle a Broken Relationship?

You can’t rekindle a broken relationship without first establishing the fact that the other party is interested in it and wants the same thing. Many people make the mistake of violating personal boundaries with their ex by contacting them to try to rekindle their relationship without first establishing that their ex is interested in and consenting to contact. 

Once you discern that your ex consents, the best way to rekindle your relationship is to discuss factors that led to your breakup, as well as areas that each of you is willing to work on and take accountability for. Accountability and compromise are key in rebuilding relationships.

How Do You Revive a Dying Relationship?

The best way to revive a dying relationship is to first identify and be able to openly discuss your feelings and observations that the relationship is dying. Have an open, honest, and objective conversation with the other party—and stick to the facts. Try not to make any subjective statements, stay away from any blaming or shaming, and just try to simply state what you’ve observed in the relationship, such as changes in patterns and trends. 

Be open to receiving feedback and taking accountability for your actions, and be willing to be open, direct, and honest with the other party on ways you’ve observed distance within the relationship. Through speaking honestly and openly, you can start to re-establish trust and connection, which will help both of you get on the same page and find real change points to work from.

How Do You Know if Your Relationship Is Beyond Repair?

Again, one of the best ways to identify if your relationship is beyond repair is to have a direct, honest conversation with your partner regarding your relationship. Do you both have the energy to continue in it? Do you see a future for the relationship? If the answer is “no” to those questions, it’s likely that the relationship is beyond repair

Typically, when one partner is not able to envision a future together in any fashion, they have hit their personal limit within that relationship and do not have the emotional bandwidth to continue. Of course, every relationship is different, and you should consider the above questions in conjunction with couples counseling.

Couples counseling can help facilitate these conversations, make sure each person feels heard and understood, and help guide talks between you and your partner to make sure they’re productive and honest.

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Can Someone Fall Back in Love After a Breakup?

Yes, you can fall back in love with someone after you breakup, but the conditions of the breakup will tend to dictate your feelings and when they develop—if they ever do. 

If and how feelings of love develop after a breakup depends on many factors, such as the nature of the relationship and the level of communication post-breakup. 

While it’s not uncommon for someone to fall back in love after a breakup, you should seek professional counseling services when you do in order to process your current and past feelings to make sure that you’re handling them properly and the relationship moves forward in a safe, healthy way.

How Can Relationship Dynamics Positively and Negatively Affect Relationships?

Relationship dynamics can alter relationships in both positive and negative ways, and they can be both obvious and insidious. For example, power differentials in relationships can negatively impact a relationship in which someone feels that they have less autonomy than when they entered into the relationship. 

Relationships are a balance of reciprocity and compromise, and when these factors are present, these can be very healthy dynamics that can fuel both parties in pursuing active acts of service and feeling fulfilled and supported within their relationships. Secure relationships tend to be characterized by partners who are actively working to meet their partner’s needs, and vice versa.

What Are Common Relationship Pitfalls?

Relationships are different, and each has its own pitfalls that are dependent on the people involved and the specific environmental circumstances. Some common relationship pitfalls tend to fall into the category of neglect; that is, people tend to get busy and drift apart and experience life stressors that cause them to divert their attention away from their relationship responsibilities, such as meeting their partner’s needs. 

Other relationship pitfalls include: 

Effective Ways to Express Love and Appreciation

The best way to express love and appreciation for your partner is to be mindful and present in the moment and understand the ways they give and want to receive love. For example, does your partner place a higher value on words of affirmation? If so, make sure you are actively listening to them and incorporating that. 

Maybe your partner feels the most loved and valued by acts of service, so you could run an errand for them or take care of them. The most effective way to express love and appreciation is the way that they are most predisposed to receive love.

Can Creating Shared Goals Improve a Relationship Bond?

Yes, creating shared goals can significantly improve a relationship bond. Shared goals are goals that are co-created, therefore they benefit both parties in the relationship. 

Further, these goals are typically ones that are seen as easily solved or attainable, and knowing that you have the help of your partner within your relationship can increase the strength of your bond as you build trust and increase satisfaction through accomplishing those goals together. You might find that you’ve learned more about your partner and found strengths in them you didn’t know existed.

What Are Good Communication Strategies to Help Foster Reconnection?

Some of the best and most effective communication strategies to help reconnect with your partner are mindfulness techniques. Being very present with your partner and fully immersed in the present moment without distraction can significantly increase not only your ability to listen but also your ability to retain knowledge about your partner. 

Other communication strategies involve using “I” statements to communicate how you feel in a clear, non-judgmental way regarding your feelings and observed behaviors in your partner. These statements help you stay away from any kind of blaming or shaming, putting the focus on how you feel rather than the actions of your partner and allowing emotional conversations to be conducted amicably and constructively.

Tips and Techniques for Rediscovering Intimacy

One of the best ways to rediscover intimacy within your relationship is to seek couples counseling together. There, you’ll work on rebuilding your trust within the relationship and each other. Lack of trust and feelings of betrayal are common factors that tend to underlie intimacy struggles and lack of intimacy within a relationship. 

Additionally, carving out even 15 minutes of alone time to spend with your partner daily can have a significant impact on levels of intimacy due to the fact that you’re prioritizing them and putting 100% of your focus and time on them in a regular, routinized fashion and you’re receiving that in return. 

Though it takes work and attention, it is absolutely possible to rekindle a relationship that has been deprioritized, damaged, or broken. As long as both parties want the same thing and are committed to investing in improving their relationship, the connection between two people can strengthen and begin again.

 

Table of contents

How Do You Get the Spark Back in a Relationship?

Can You Rekindle a Broken Relationship?

How Do You Revive a Dying Relationship?

How Do You Know if Your Relationship Is Beyond Repair?

Can Someone Fall Back in Love After a Breakup?

What Are Common Relationship Pitfalls?

Effective Ways to Express Love and Appreciation

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Alexandra Cromer, LPC

Alexandra “Alex” Cromer is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) who has 4 years of experience partnering with adults, families, adolescents, and couples seeking help with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and trauma-related disorders.

Emily Simonian

Emily Simonian, M.A., LMFT

Emily Simonian is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) who has direct training and experience working with family and relationship issues, as well as working with individuals. She also specializes in treating stress/anxiety, depression, and substance abuse, as well as self-esteem issues and general self-improvement goals.

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Theresa Lupcho, LPC

Theresa Lupcho is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) with a passion for providing the utmost quality of services to individuals and couples struggling with relationship issues, depression, anxiety, abuse, ADHD, stress, family conflict, life transitions, grief, and more.

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Hannah DeWitt

Hannah is a Junior Copywriter at Thriveworks. She received her bachelor’s degree in English: Creative Writing with a minor in Spanish from Seattle Pacific University. Previously, Hannah has worked in copywriting positions in the car insurance and trucking sectors doing blog-style and journalistic writing and editing.

We update our content on a regular basis to ensure it reflects the most up-to-date, relevant, and valuable information. When we make a significant change, we summarize the updates and list the date on which they occurred. Read our editorial policy to learn more.

  • Originally published on September 18, 2020

    Author: Taylor Bennett

    Reviewer: Emily Simonian, LMFT

  • Updated on March 8, 2024

    Authors: Hannah DeWitt; Alexandra Cromer, LPC

    Reviewer: Theresa Welsh, LPC

    Changes: Updated by a Thriveworks clinician in collaboration with our editorial team, adding information about how to rekindle or get the spark back in a relationship, how to know when a relationship is beyond repair, effective ways to express affection, and strategies for improving communication; article was clinically reviewed to double confirm accuracy and enhance value.

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