“I’m going to take Monday off—I’m overdue for a mental health day,” you tell your partner with confidence. The next morning, you walk into the office and open your inbox to draft an email to your manager:
Good morning! I’m writing to let you know that I’ll be taking PTO on Monday.
You stare at your computer screen. Your cursor blinks about 10 times before you move the drafted email to trash. You sigh in defeat and get to work.
Can you relate? Have you ever wanted to take a day off—and been one click away from doing just that—but failed to follow through? If the answer is yes, you’re probably familiar with the guilt and stress that many people experience when they take a day off of work. This guilt and stress are crippling. In fact, it defeats the purpose of taking a day off, as the day gets tainted by the stress that you feel about not being at work—and what was meant to be a vacation day or a mental health day is anything but relaxing. So, you decide not to take the day off after all.
Why can’t we take a day off of work without feeling stressed or guilty about it? And how can we fix this?
When Your Day Off Is Anything but Relaxing: What Causes the Guilt and Stress?
While we might joke on occasion about winning the lottery and never returning to our jobs, we’ve accepted work as a normal part of life. We forget, though, that going to work isn’t just normal—it’s essential to surviving.
“I think the stress that many of us experience when we take a day off of work is easiest to understand when we first recognize that stress is a survival mechanism,” explains Emily Simonian, a Licensed and Marriage Family Therapist at Thriveworks in Washington, DC. She goes on to say that many of us “existentially feel that going to work every day ultimately equates to survival, mentally and physically. So, if we have to miss a day or a few days of work, even for something wonderful like a vacation, we instinctively experience stress or just underneath it, fear.”
Think about your perceived standing or status at work. Are you viewed as a leader? Does your manager think you’re doing a good job? Are you behind on work or ahead of the curve? Reflecting on these questions can reveal what work-related fears might be holding you back and help to answer our question: Why can’t we take a day off of work without feeling guilty or stressed about it? Simonian lists a few of these common work-related fears:
- Fear of falling behind
- Fear of becoming or being viewed as less than our coworkers
- Fear of becoming less relevant or less valued at work
The cherry on top is that “many of us attach our sense of identity to work as well,” says Simonian. “So, we perceive that there’s a lot at stake psychologically if we feel that we are falling short or underperforming at work.”
Resolving Difficult Feelings: How to Feel Better About Taking Your Well-Deserved Break
Say it with me: We all deserve to take a day off. Now, that probably isn’t enough to rid you of your stress and guilt. But we think the following tips will help:
1. Recognize the root of your stress.
First, recognize and remember where your stress stems from. “One way of overcoming this roadblock is to remember that you’re feeling stressed because you care about your work—and that’s a good thing!” says Simonian. She recommends practicing positive self-talk like: “I feel stressed about taking days off but I know that’s because I take such pride in my job.” This will challenge those feelings of guilt. “Afterall, pride is the antidote to guilt,”
2. Remind yourself that taking a break is necessary.
Also, remind yourself that we all need to take a break to keep our mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing intact. “Remember that taking a break once in a while is necessary,” says Simonian. “That’s why vacation and sick days are a part of every work culture! Think about it this way: taking time off might ultimately move you forward in your career because you’ll return to the office fresh, well-rested, and mentally better than ever after stepping away from time to time.”
3. Rip off the Band-Aid: Take a day off.
Finally, just do it—commit to taking a day off and follow through. “The best way to move through feelings of guilt and stress about taking a day off… is to take a day off!” says Simonian. “We call this desensitization—becoming more comfortable with something that makes you uncomfortable. Allow yourself to take a mental health day and read for fun, take a walk, or take a nap—whatever fills you up.” Now, combine these three tips into one: “Practice positive self-talk while you do this and remind yourself that taking a break is not only OK, but it’s making you better at your job,” Simonian concludes.
If you’re overdue for a day off, it’s time to give in. Draft that email and be sure to press send this time. If you still struggle to do so, walk through the above steps again: 1) Remember where this stress and guilt comes from, 2) remind yourself that taking a break is a must, and doing so will benefit your career in the long-run, and 3) make that commitment and investment in yourself.
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