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Grief is never easy. But what if you started feeling its weight before a loss even happens?
This is the reality for many people who experience anticipatory grief: a wave of sadness and anxiety that arrives in advance of a major loss, often when a loved one is seriously ill or a life-changing event is looming. The emotions and symptoms can be just as intense as those that follow an actual loss, and navigating them can be just as challenging.
In this article, we’ll explore what anticipatory grief is, how it affects your mental health, and practical ways to cope with these difficult feelings.
What Is Anticipatory Grief?
Anticipatory grief is the mix of sadness, worry, and overwhelm that can show up before a major loss actually happens. It’s common when someone you love is facing a terminal illness, but it can also happen in other situations—like going through a divorce, losing a job, or any big change you know is coming. Caregivers are especially at risk, since they often witness their loved one’s decline day after day.
Unlike traditional grief, which comes after a loss, anticipatory grief starts while the person or situation is still part of your life. You might not even realize you’re experiencing it, since most people expect grief to come after, not before, a loss. But anticipatory grief is real, and it’s surprisingly common.
Even if the loss hasn’t happened yet—or might not happen at all—the emotions you feel are valid. The stress, sadness, and heartache of anticipatory grief can be just as intense as the grief that follows an actual loss. In many ways, it’s your mind’s way of helping you process and prepare for what’s ahead.
How Do I Know If I’m Dealing with Anticipatory Grief? Signs and Symptoms
Wondering if you might be experiencing anticipatory grief? Here are some questions to help you check in with yourself:
- Have you learned about an upcoming event or situation that could lead to a major loss in your life?
- Have you noticed changes in your thoughts or the way you think about things?
- Are your moods or emotions shifting more than usual?
- Have you started pulling away from friends, family, or your partner?
- Are you isolating yourself more than before?
- Are you using food, substances, shopping, or other behaviors to cope with anxiety or sadness?
- Is your daily life-like work, school, or relationships-being disrupted by these feelings?
If you’re answering “yes” to some of these, you could be dealing with anticipatory grief.
Anticipatory grief symptoms can be tough to handle, especially when the loss feels unavoidable. While it’s normal to feel overwhelmed or helpless at times, there are ways to find support and relief. One of the most helpful steps can be reaching out to a mental health professional, who can guide you through coping strategies and help you manage these difficult emotions.
What Is an Example of Anticipatory Grief?
Anticipatory grief can show up in many different situations. Here are two common examples:
- A husband learns that his partner has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and is expected to live only six more months. As he tries to process this devastating news, he finds himself starting to pull away emotionally, almost as if he’s trying to “detach” before the loss actually happens.
- A young woman is preparing to leave her hometown for a university far away. After getting her acceptance letter, she starts dreading the goodbyes she’ll have to say to friends and family, feeling the sadness of leaving even before she goes.
People experiencing anticipatory grief often notice increased anxiety, worry, sadness, impulsive behaviors, irritability, depression, and fatigue. These emotional and physical symptoms can be just as real and intense as those that come after a loss. For more on the signs and stages of anticipatory grief, keep reading below.
What Is the Difference Between Preparatory Grief and Anticipatory Grief?
Anticipatory grief refers to the feelings of sadness, anxiety, or loss that arise when you know a significant change or loss is coming, like the death of a loved one, a divorce, or losing a job. It’s grief that happens before the actual event takes place.
Preparatory grief is a similar experience, but it specifically describes what someone feels when they are facing their own terminal illness or coming to terms with their own mortality. This term is often used for people who are preparing themselves emotionally for their own death.
In short, anticipatory grief is about grieving an upcoming loss affecting someone else or your life circumstances, while preparatory grief is about coming to terms with your own end-of-life situation.
Common Causes of Anticipatory Grief
Anticipatory grief is the emotional response to knowing a significant loss is coming, and it can be triggered by many different situations—not just the impending death of a loved one. While it’s most often linked to terminal illness or serious diagnoses, any major life change that signals a loss can set it in motion.
Common causes of anticipatory grief include:
- The expected loss of a loved one due to terminal illness or advanced age
- Receiving news of a serious or life-threatening diagnosis for a loved one
- The impending death of a pet
- Saying goodbye to a child who is leaving home, such as for college
- Losing custody of a child or anticipating a major change in a family dynamic
- Serving as a caregiver for someone whose health is steadily declining
- Facing other unique or deeply personal situations that involve a foreseeable loss
Anticipatory grief can feel like a heavy, overwhelming wave—full of stress, sadness, and anxiety that can be difficult to manage on a daily basis. The emotional toll is real, even if the loss hasn’t happened yet. It’s important to remember that needing support is valid, whether you’re a caregiver, a family member, or someone facing a big change. Seeking help from friends, support groups, or a mental health professional can make a meaningful difference as you navigate these challenging emotions.
How Anticipatory Grief Affects Mental Health
Anticipatory grief can have a significant impact on your mental and emotional well-being, much like traditional grief. These feelings often come in waves, making it difficult to process your emotions, especially if you’re unsure of what you’re experiencing.
Processing anticipatory grief may involve:
- Accepting that the loss is unavoidable. Whether it’s a breakup, divorce, custody loss, the end of a friendship, or the death of a loved one, coming to terms with the reality of the situation is a key step in the grieving process.
- Facing regret. It’s common to reflect on past arguments, mistakes, or missed opportunities and wish things had been different. While you can’t change the past, healing often starts with self-forgiveness and taking steps to make amends, whether that means having an honest conversation with the person you’re losing, sitting with your emotions to get to the bottom of what’s causing your regret, or finding another way to process your feelings.
- Preparing in advance. Taking practical steps, like packing for a move or planning a loved one’s funeral (sometimes with their input), can provide a sense of control and stability during a chaotic time.
- Imagining a different future. You might find yourself picturing life after the loss—what your days will look like without your loved one, after a breakup, or in a new job. While this can bring up sadness, it can also be a hopeful exercise. Try to focus on how you might grow, what positive changes could come, and how you’ll adapt to your new reality.
Grieving-whether before or after a loss-is a gradual process, and feelings of sadness may linger. However, with support from trusted family, friends, or mental health professionals, these emotions can become easier to manage over time.
How to Deal with Anticipatory Grief and Find Treatment
Seeking support from a grief counselor and/or mental health professional like a psychiatric provider can make a significant difference when coping with anticipatory grief. Therapists use a range of evidence-based approaches to help manage symptoms and build resilience, including:
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT helps you identify and challenge negative thoughts tied to grief, anxiety, or depression. Through CBT, you can develop practical coping skills, learn to manage distressing emotions, and set realistic goals for daily life.
- Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). ACT encourages you to accept difficult emotions instead of avoiding them. This approach helps you focus on taking positive, meaningful actions even while experiencing grief, leading to greater emotional flexibility and resilience.
- Narrative therapy. Narrative therapy allows you to explore and share your personal story around loss. By reflecting on your experiences, you can find strength, build self-worth, and reframe your journey in a way that highlights your resilience and growth.
While anticipatory grief is challenging, reaching out for help is a powerful first step. With time, the right support, and effective coping strategies, it is possible to navigate these emotions and move forward with greater confidence and hope.
