I have always had a turbulent relationship with my mother since I was a child. My mother is a narcissist and has always been emotionally abusive to me. We are very different people. I cannot trust my mother because she lies to me. She tells me what she thinks I want to hear, so she can get what she wants out of a situation. For example, my son was not digesting milk well, so I told her to give him almond milk while she watched him. When I came to pick him up, she told me he drank all the almond milk, only to find out later from my brother that she actually gave him plain old milk because she thinks plant based milks are silly. That is one trivial example of something that has been a bigger issue my entire life. I do not trust her.
Fast forward to the Covid-19 pandemic. My mother thinks Covid is similar to the flu and she does not take it seriously. She goes out in public without wearing a mask, etc. I, on the other hand, take Covid-19 very seriously. I am an anxious person by nature and suffer from hypochondria. Needless to say, our perspectives on the virus clash. Like many other things, we just don\’t see eye-to-eye. Before the pandemic hit, she was caring for my 2 year old son while I went to work. Although her and I always had our issues, she is a wonderful grandmother to my son. Well, once the pandemic hit, and I was working from home (as a teacher), she stopped watching him. I was able to watch him and balance work simultaneously, thankfully. Then, I found out I was pregnant.
Being pregnant during a pandemic has really freaked me out. Like I said, I am an anxious person by nature. Well, the pandemic coupled up with being pregnant and having a mother who does not take the pandemic seriously has really stressed our already strained relationship. My husband and I seldom go out and when we do, we always wear our masks. We don\’t really get together with friends or family. We are trying to be as careful as we can during this time, especially since I am pregnant.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. School is starting up again and I need to return to work. My mom reaches out to me and says she would like to watch our son again. At first, we were very hesitant because of her careless behavior during the pandemic, but eventually we both agreed that she could watch him IF she gets a negative test result (she went to resorts, beaches, etc. during the summer) AND both her and my father be careful, wear masks, etc. even though they think all of this is silly. They both agreed.
She watched my son for 2 days before things got grim. On the second day, I went to go pick up my son at her place after work. I asked about his day, etc. She mentioned that an exterminator came to the house to do an inspection. I asked if he came into the house and she said yes. I asked her if she wore her mask and/if the technician wore a mask. She said she did not think to wear a mask because she was in her own home, and no, the technician was not wearing a mask. This bothered me. I voiced my concern to her and asked her to please be more careful next time, wear a mask around strangers, etc. She turned to my father and said right in front of me, \”we won\’t tell her next time.\” That remark made me furious! Again, we have trust issues, and I was going out on a leap of faith to trust her this time. She then proceeded to say, \”why would we tell you stuff if you\’re just going to get upset and lecture us.\” At that point, I felt so blindsided. I felt like my husband and I really went out of our comfort zone to let her into our circle, she promised that they would be careful, and then when I asked her to be more careful next time and wear a mask around strangers, she makes a snappy remark about keeping things from me in the future. For me, that was IT. I grabbed my son and we left. She has not watched him since. Fortunately, my husband\’s parents have swooped in to help us.
She has since been texting me that my husband and I are crazy OCD freaks and she\’s not, that we\’re too extreme in our expectations, etc. Our relationship has practically been shattered by all of this. I don\’t know what to do. I feel like she doesn\’t understand how I feel. I feel like she tries to make light of my concerns and anxieties. I don\’t feel understood by her.
All of this to say, am I being to extreme? too rigid in my thinking? Should I try to relax to accommodate her more or should I stand by my feelings? Thing is, if I do try to relax and accommodate her carelessness, it WILL cause me extreme anxiety. I just don\’t know who\’s right in all of this. I would love to hear thoughts and opinions.