Jealousy: the green-eyed monster. This evil little guy comes knocking on everybody’s doors. If you’re smart, you don’t touch that deadbolt. And if you’re weak, you turn the doorknob and let your curiosity get the best of you. He’s the one who fills your veins with envy when your friend lands her dream job and you’re still slumped behind a computer screen on Indeed. He’s the one on your shoulder when you see your boyfriend smile at the girl who just walked by. He’s the one whispering, sometimes shouting, in your ear as you flip through the pages of a magazine surveying beautiful women with perfect figures and perfect hair. Well I say, it’s time to knock this green monster off his high horse and keep him out for good. But it will take some hard work. Here are 5 ways to overcome feelings of jealousy and stop the green-eyed monster in his tracks:

1) Recognize and understand your jealousy.

It doesn’t help to pretend like your feelings don’t exist. You need to confront your jealousy head-on. So acknowledge your envy and try to figure out where it stems from. Is it a direct representation of your lack of self-confidence? Does this person have something you desperately want and have been working toward? Or is the jealousy driven by threat—are you fearful that they might swoop in and take something you hold dear? Once you get to the root of your jealousy, you can then work on absolving it. That might mean confronting your self-consciousness or learning to trust your partner.

2) Try to look at it from an outsider’s perspective.

It never hurts to ask yourself, ‘Am I maybe being a little bit ridiculous right now?’ Because while it’s totally normal to be jealous of others and allow it to seep into your relationships, a lot of the time it’s for no good reason—we’re just being kinda crazy! So remove yourself from the situation and put yourself in an outsider’s shoes. Is the person you’re looking at rightfully upset? Or are they taking it to an unnecessary level? Similarly, you can ask your friends for their take on the situation, as they’re actual outsiders. But make sure they remain partial and tell you the truth. Then you can move forward with whatever conclusion you’ve made.

3) Let it go.

Let it go?! How am I supposed to just let it go?! I know, it’s crazy talk. But really, sometimes accepting your jealousy is the quickest and healthiest way to send the green-eyed monster packing. So just admit to yourself, ‘Hey I really like her style, I wish I could pull that off.’ Or, ‘Man, I’m really jealous of his job, that’s exactly what I want to.’ Once you get these feelings out in the open you’ll probably feel a whole lot better. Let it go and then continue on with your life. Because you’re awesome too, not just the people around you that you’re wasting time envying.

4) Stop making comparisons.

To prevent any jealous rages in the future, you’ve got to stop comparing yourself to others. Sure, she might have a great body and the voice of an angel and the life you tell yourself you’ve always wanted. But what about you? Go ahead, take a look. Look at that person with the beautiful face and equally beautiful mind. The one with an amazing life, the one that the next person is envying while you envy them. We all have to stop comparing ourselves to each other. And we have to start not only accepting but loving ourselves.

5) Build yourself up.

You know how much time you could spend binge-watching Netflix if you stopped obsessing over other people? The answer is a whole lot of time. Like you could even catch up on Game of Thrones pretty quickly. But seriously, stop wasting time on others and use it more wisely. Compliment yourself and love yourself instead. Any time you find yourself feeling jealous of someone, say something nice about yourself. Think of something you love—like how kind you are to others, or how soft your hair is, or your determination— and say it aloud, or even write it down if you prefer. Practice self-love. It’s one of the biggest deterrents of the no-good green-eyes monster.

Explore the latest mental wellness tips and discussions, delivered straight to your inbox.

Start a Relationship with An Exceptional Counselor

  • Skilled and caring professional counselors
  • Accepting all major and most insurances
  • High-touch customer service & premium benefits
  • Same- or next-day appointments
  • Ultra-flexible 23.5hr cancellations