Why you might not remember your childhood (and what to do about it)

Think of the individual events in any memory as pieces of a puzzle. Some are clearly defined: It’s easy to spot which piece fits with another piece. Others may be foggy, disjointed, or annoyingly absent, so your brain has a hard time seeing the whole picture.

When you can’t remember parts of your childhood, it’s like your brain can’t complete a puzzle. “It can’t process that memory, so it kind of just stays stuck,” says Nicole Johnson, LPC, author of Reparenting Your Inner Child.

Some of these gaps are to be expected—no one remembers every moment of their childhood due to how the brain develops. Other gaps, however, are more complicated. Layers of stress, anxiety, depression, or trauma can alter how you process experiences as a kid.

It’s not until later in life, often when someone becomes a parent for the first time, that they start to reflect on and question what happened in their childhoods, Johnson says. Some people don’t remember long stretches of time. Others recall random details, but they can’t put them in chronological order. Or they may remember the order of events but can’t explain the context.

Why does this happen for certain people? And is it always a good idea to try to remember? Here’s what trauma-informed therapists want you to know.

When Is It Normal to Forget Your Childhood?

We all forget parts of early childhood. The phenomenon is dubbed “childhood amnesia.” The estimated age of an adult’s earliest memory is three to four years old, with a gradually increasing number of memories between ages three-and-a-half to seven. You may only recall snippets—a song blasting in the background, your mom’s face, the scent of a candle—because only the elements you deem “important” in your childlike worldview are encoded. This means your brain turns these snippets into something it can store and later retrieve.

During your earliest years, key memory structures in your brain are still maturing, which is why lasting memories are hard to form. As your brain develops, the parts that store, consolidate, and encode memories work more efficiently, helping you to retain information.

In adulthood, you’ll gradually have a harder time remembering aspects of childhood. That’s because as your brain takes in newer and potentially more relevant or potent experiences, what’s “important” to you naturally evolves.

Other Reasons You Might Not Remember Your Childhood

Often, it’s not that you can’t remember pieces of your past. Rather, your protective brain won’t allow you to remember them, Johnson says. Here’s how that can play out:

Physical Injury

Traumatic brain injuries can seriously disrupt a child’s development. A bump, blow, or jolt to your head or body—whether you were in an accident, had a sports-related injury, or suffered physical abuse—can cause damage that impacts how your brain functions, including its ability to remember certain events, says Jami Dumler, LCSW, a trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy provider at Thriveworks.

Stress or Trauma

As children, we have very sensitive nervous systems. So when you face stress or trauma as a kid, your brain may dissociate. “It’s a complex coping system our brain does, in which it helps pull us out of the moment—almost like it’s stepping away from what’s happening to protect us,” Dumler explains. “That impacts how we store memories.”

Johnson calls this “offline mode.” Scientists have learned that when you’re really stressed, parts of your brain that prioritize language can literally go dark on a CT scan. “Your brain shifts because it’s concerned for your safety,” she explains. (Think about how hard it is to carry on a conversation if you’re driving a car when a raging storm hits.) “The brain needs language to process memory,” she says. “So if you’re super stressed and the language section of your brain is offline, it’s going to impact your ability to process memories.”

This is related to your brain’s “fear circuitry,” Dumler adds. Stress and trauma propel your body into fight-or-flight mode, triggering a rush of cortisol and adrenaline to rev your body up. While this hormonal cascade tries to keep you safe in the moment, cortisol, in particular, affects how your brain’s memory center (the hippocampus) does its job.

“It’s actually encoding that memory differently, leading to random or missing information in the memory,” Dumler explains. “Often, people with trauma are going to remember the event itself, but not themselves in it. Or they might remember themselves in a memory, but not know the when, where, and what.”

Anxiety or Depression

If you struggled with depression or an anxiety disorder as a kid, that can affect how you recall parts of your early life. Either condition can make you feel emotionally flat or checked out, Dumler explains: “To really remember something, you have to be present, and even with moderate depression or anxiety, you’re not totally in the moment.”

Should I Be Worried If I Can’t Remember My Childhood?

Any form of memory loss that makes you feel out of touch with reality or causes symptoms that impact your daily functioning, like dissociation, disturbed sleep, and heightened anxiety or depression, are worth flagging to your healthcare provider, just to be safe.

Johnson and Dumler agree that the following scenarios are also worth paying attention to. While they’re not necessarily a reason to panic, they may signal that you haven’t fully processed a childhood experience and would benefit from working with a therapist:

• You can’t remember large blocks, particularly in later years: “When people say, ‘I don’t remember anything about my teen years,’ or ‘I don’t remember being 11,’ that is a take-note situation,” Johnson says.
• Your childhood memories feel foggy: You’re trying to remember something, but can’t clearly recall it. “Something sort of seems to be in the way,” Johnson says.
• You only sense a memory: You feel like something happened to you, but you’re not quite sure what it was or why it matters, Dumler says.
• Your body remembers, but your mind doesn’t: For example, if certain types of touch (like a hand on your thigh) cause physical stress, anxiety, or panic but you have no clear memory that explains why, that’s a possible sign you’re recalling a traumatic memory physically, but not cognitively, Johnson says.
• You’re stressed about forgetting: It’s disrupting your understanding of your identity or your life’s story, because you feel like you’re missing pieces of the puzzle.

5 Gentle Ways to Explore Forgotten Childhood Memories

If hazy or missing childhood memories consistently nag at you, it’s worth trying to explore your past so you can work toward shifting back to the present. But if you know revisiting your childhood will bring up buried stressors or traumas, seek out a trauma-informed and trauma-trained mental health professional to avoid inadvertently retraumatizing yourself, Johnson and Dumler agree.

There are gentle ways to validate and heal your inner child (a practice called “reparenting”) and better understand your own history as a solo endeavor:

1. Try an inner child meditation.

Many of these guided practices will ask you to picture your younger self, feel the emotions they felt, and ponder why they felt that way. “Sometimes, stepping into your inner child’s emotions can unlock memories that you may not have remembered before, especially when you’re setting aside time to be in that meditation without distractions,” Dumler says. (Curious? Check out this library of free inner child meditations.)

2. Start with simple journal prompts (and write with zero judgment or expectations).

Journaling can encourage you to dig deeper into your past, Dumler says. Try these prompts to get started:

• What do you remember from childhood? Write down everything that comes to mind, even small fragments.
• What emotions or experiences stand out to you the most? Were there moments of joy, fear, excitement, or confusion?
• What were your support systems like? Who made you feel safe? Who didn’t?
• What activities or hobbies did you gravitate toward as a child? Why do you think those appealed to you?
• If you could ask your younger self one question, what would it be?

The goal isn’t to force memories but to create space for them to surface naturally as you write. There are no right or wrong answers.

3. Use your senses to trigger memories.

Your brain relies on your senses to recall moments in time. “Use sights, sounds, or smells to jog your memory,” Johnson says. Photographs are a great place to start. If you’re looking at one of yourself from your 10th birthday, for example, scan the details: Who are the people in it? What was the party like? What do you remember feeling on that day? As you look, notice what emotions or additional details surface.

Music also plays a huge role in our lives (the angsty teen in you understands this deeply). If you don’t recall much about your life at 14, go for a walk or drive and listen to songs that topped the charts when you were 14. Pay attention to whether any memories, feelings, or images come up as you listen. Sometimes a melody or lyric can unlock a moment you’d forgotten.

4. Ask trusted people to share their memories.

Reminisce with people you trust. If you feel comfortable and safe with a parent or another relative, ask them questions about what they remember about your childhood—keep it broad or get specific, it’s up to you and what you’d like to get out of the conversation.

One thing to keep in mind, per Johnson: If you’re just learning to trust and validate your own perspective, and there’s a chance the person you’re talking to might dismiss, minimize, or contradict your feelings or experiences, skip this one. For example, if you’re beginning to acknowledge that your childhood was difficult, but your parent insists everything was “fine,” that conversation could undermine your healing rather than support it. Only lean on loved ones who will listen without judgment.

5. Pace yourself and know when to stop.

Don’t let this consume you. Try one of the practices above for an hour tops, once per week, Dumler says: “Step into that space and then let yourself step out.” If you feel emotionally or physically stressed, upset, or overwhelmed—especially if you can’t calm yourself back down—stop the practice and consider reaching out to a licensed therapist for guidance.

How Therapy Can Help With Childhood Memory Gaps

Therapy offers a safe space to explore your childhood, process experiences, and learn to accept that there may always be gaps in your memories. If you know trauma is central to your story, look into trauma-centered modalities like ART and EMDR or, at the very least, seek out a trauma-informed provider if you prefer to start with talk therapy.

What Happens in a Typical Therapy Session

Your therapist’s job and goal isn’t to make you remember your childhood, Dumler stresses. “What we’re trying to do is create a safe space and a lack of distraction to dig in, reflect, and find insights,” she says. “Often, by doing that, memories come naturally.”

A sense of safety is key: “You want to feel like you know what to do if an overwhelming moment happens,” Johnson says. This helps you feel more in control and less resistant during the process, so your brain can let its guard down. That’s why both Johnson and Dumler start by teaching their clients coping skills—things like breathwork, grounding exercises, and post-session self-care plans. “If we’re going back into a memory and it was stressful or traumatic, our brain relives it. That can be really distressing, so having those tools can really help,” Johnson says.

Once a client feels confident in those skills, Dumler proceeds with gentle discovery by asking specific questions:

• What moments do you think about from your childhood?
• Where do you feel negative reactions coming up?
• Are there certain situations or topics that make you feel uncomfortable or shut down?
• When you picture yourself as a child, what age comes to mind first? What’s happening in that image?

“I would try to pinpoint where those question mark moments are, and then use a lot of curious questions to help them explore insight around that,” she explains. For example: Do you remember how you felt in that moment, or who was around? Can you close your eyes and picture yourself there?

As the session continues, Dumler checks in on the client’s “distress level.” At the beginning of a session, she asks them how they feel on a scale of one to 10, with 10 being the highest in anxiety or feeling upset.

“As we’re walking through exercises, if I notice a shift in them or we see emotions come up, we can pause and check in on that distress level,” she says. If the number is high (around seven), she’d take a break and have them practice a breathing or grounding exercise “to reset and back off.” Once things feel calm again, they might step back into the conversation or revisit it during a future session.

The Goal: Integration, not Perfection

Remember: Foggy, disjointed, or blank memories are like pieces of a puzzle. In therapy, you work on making sense of those missing or fragmented pieces, Johnson says. Sometimes that means actually finding the piece (remembering something significant); other times it means accepting why that piece is gone (realizing why your brain is forgetting).

“When you integrate fragmented memories, you put the puzzle pieces together so you can see the whole picture, and then your brain can file it away,” Johnson says.

Can I Heal If I Can’t Remember?

Yes, even if you never recall certain memories, you can still work through difficult emotions that stem from your childhood. You don’t need to relive a memory to put it to rest. In fact, all the little details—what day it was, what the weather was like, who all was there—don’t always matter, Johnson says. What really matters is what you experienced and how it impacted you.

Even talking about why you want to remember something so badly and how that might serve you or solve a problem can be helpful, Dumler says. Maybe you think remembering will help you connect with people differently, or you’re trying to explore a specific aspect of your identity. So the new goal becomes: How can I meet these needs without this specific memory?

The Bottom Line

It’s normal to forget early parts of your childhood, but sometimes the inability to remember can signal that you had experiences worth exploring with the help of a licensed therapist. This inner work requires time, support, and self-compassion.

There’s a “window of tolerance” with stressful and traumatic memories, in particular. Think of this window as your ability to handle difficult emotions without becoming overwhelmed. In therapy, “we want to get close to the edge of the window and then come back to the center,” Dumler explains. “Every time we do that, we’re stretching the window—the memory—out a bit. We’re not trying to punch through the glass all at once.” In other words, you gradually increase your capacity to sit with uncomfortable memories without breaking down—making the process of healing more sustainable over time.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I know if my memory loss is from trauma?

Memory loss from trauma often involves being unable to recall large chunks of time (particularly in later childhood), having foggy or fragmented memories, or remembering a memory physically but not cognitively. You may also feel stressed or worried about not being able to remember your childhood, and may experience flashbacks or mood changes like heightened anxiety or depression. If these signs feel familiar, consider speaking with a trauma-informed therapist.

What if I start remembering upsetting things?

If you start remembering upsetting things, pause the exploration and seek support from a licensed therapist. Remembering traumatic moments can be incredibly distressing, which is why having professional guidance is crucial—when upsetting memories surface, you’ll have immediate support and coping skills to stay calm and grounded.

Can therapy bring back lost childhood memories?

Yes, therapy can help surface lost childhood memories through trauma-focused techniques, though the process requires patience, self-compassion, and professional guidance. Some people never remember certain memories and are still able to heal their childhood wounds. “What matters most isn’t recalling every detail, but learning how to hold space for your inner child,” Johnson says.