I just graduated high school and in a couple of months I’ll be sharing a house with a friend or two. I’m FINALLY getting away from the awful home environment that almost caused me to kill myself in the past, but I’m not happy about it? I’m not happy about anything. I’m badly depressed again and I want help but my old therapist randomly stopped communicating with me and my mom doesn’t think there is anything wrong with me, so she won’t get me help. I’ll have to wait until I can do it myself. Which is even more upsetting. Things should be looking up but I only feel terrible about them.
The first thing is to realize something simple but not always obvious: depression is about the past and anxiety is more (although not always) about the future. Getting beyond depression involves resolving past shame, frustration and anger. Therapy is very helpful with this but if you don’t have a way to see a therapist right now, what might help is writing your thoughts and feelings down in a journal. Commit to writing in this journal for at least a week and then go reread what you have written. What are the patterns? What negative messages do you keep giving yourself? Then, work on changing up the patterns. This should make you feel less helpless and let some sunshine back into your life.