I just graduated high school and in a couple of months I’ll be sharing a house with a friend or two. I’m FINALLY getting away from the awful home environment that almost caused me to kill myself in the past, but I’m not happy about it? I’m not happy about anything. I’m badly depressed again and I want help but my old therapist randomly stopped communicating with me and my mom doesn’t think there is anything wrong with me, so she won’t get me help. I’ll have to wait until I can do it myself. Which is even more upsetting. Things should be looking up but I only feel terrible about them.
The first thing is to realize something simple but not always obvious: depression is about the past and anxiety is more (although not always) about the future. Getting beyond depression involves resolving past shame, frustration and anger. Therapy is very helpful with this but if you don’t have a way to see a therapist right now, what might help is writing your thoughts and feelings down in a journal. Commit to writing in this journal for at least a week and then go reread what you have written. What are the patterns? What negative messages do you keep giving yourself? Then, work on changing up the patterns. This should make you feel less helpless and let some sunshine back into your life.
First off, congratulations on finishing high school; that is a huge accomplishment!
I’m saddened to hear that there has been difficulty in communication with your former therapist. As Juan mentioned, it would be helpful to reach out to them, whether email or office number, and let them know about how you’re doing and discuss what options might be appropriate. More than anything, it’s good that you have space from an environment that sounded deeply stressful.
It could be beneficial right now to talk to a therapist that is familiar in working with depression (whether it is your former therapist or someone different). Many community-based mental health centers also offer low cost or sliding scale options for therapy. https://www.auntbertha.com/ is a good place to find some of these services in your area.
You could reach out to university counseling programs that offer free or reduced cost counseling. Depending on where you live, I am sure you can find support groups and other online resources that could provide an immediate relief while coping with these symptoms. However, the most immediate action would be for you to reach to your old therapist to make her/him aware of your current state of mind and see if he can perhaps talk to your significant other about the importance of you receiving services. I hope this helps.