I’ve been in a relationship where the last several years there has been no intimacy. Besides no physical connection there is no real emotional connection either. We don’t live together, but see each other 4-5 times a week. There is no touching, hugging, hand holding and once I’m awhile a kiss hello or good-bye. AND yes I have tried! I’ve tried imitating, setting the mood, creating atmospheres, games…..etc. Its ALWAYS the wrong time, or he needs help….( and no he is not old… 40, or sick) ( I’ve wondered gay, but our sex life used to be amazing or maybe bi-sexual?? Idk) We share meals together and watch tv. No real communication even takes place. We vacation together, and they play out the same way. We actually got engaged a few months ago, but have never discussed getting married. I have shared with him how I feel and how lonely I am with him sitting in the room, but nothing changes. We’ve done counseling and still nothing has changed. I feel I’ve already committed so many years, but don’t want to live the rest of my life celibate and lonely. I say it’s over and he promises things will change and it just never does…..Anything left I can do?
You are wise to get help about this issue. And, though the issue of intimacy is always difficult to address, it is much better dealing with it before marriage than after your lives become interwoven that separation is traumatic.
The therapist you had previously may not have been the right fit for either you or your boyfriend. I would advise not giving up on finding a trained and experienced couples counseling who can help you both to explore the reasons for this lack of intimacy and take effective steps to resolve the situation. What may seem like an insurmountable situation can often be resolved successfully with the right type of guidance.