Hey everyone. My name is Emily and I’m 27 years old. This particular issue is something I’ve struggled with my whole life, and it’s come to a point where I am in desperate need of help. I’m hoping I’ve come to the right place. For some background on me, I have ADHD (mixed type), depression, and generalized anxiety disorder. I take Cymbalta and Adderall daily.
So, from the outside, it clearly looks like I have a hoarding disorder. At my worst, I have my belongings strewn everywhere. I leave trash, clothes, empty dishes, snacks, etc laying throughout my small apartment. It gets so bad so quickly that I become entirely overwhelmed and I just freeze. Lately I’ve basically stopped cooking and resorted to only fast food because I know I can’t trust that I’ll clean up my cooking mess. I could go on about how bad it is, but thinking about it stresses me out even more. I’m very aware that this is a major issue, but what I’m not aware of is why I’m like this, what makes it worse, and what could make it better. I’ve done some research on hoarding disorders though, and as crazy as it may sound…I don’t think that’s what it is. I say that because I don’t get attached to objects. In fact, when my apartment starts to get cleaner, I feel a million times better and more hopeful of my future. So basically, the difference I see in myself is that I LIKE when things finally are gone. I do get anxiety about getting rid of things/trash, but it’s not the prospect of being without them that makes me that way; It’s the concept of not knowing where to begin or how to properly organize items and belongings. Lately I’m convinced that I have some type of severe brain issue. Sometimes I wonder if it’s even fixable. Anyway, I know that’s a lot to read/take in, but if anyone out there has any ideas as to what may be wrong with me, I’d really appreciate it. I could use an epiphany right about now.
P.S.- I forgot to mention that as a child I was diagnosed with OCD. I’ve done minimal research and wondered if there’s a rare type of OCD this could be, but again, I’m really unsure.