My son has gone through a bitter divorce with an ex-spouse who was very controlling in nature. so much so she was more like a narcisist and sociapath. they had two daughters. After 8 years of marriage they called (she called) it quits. She often tried to control my son to the point of outrage. He would often give in because it was “easier” eventually alienating his entire family. a win for the ex. After the divorce, he went through a long depressive state where he felt he was “broken” and not good enough. Making him angry and short fused. He is now in a relationship with a former girlfriend from highschool (they are now 33) and is struggling with coping with moving to a new state, new girlfriend, learning how to cope with two toddlers (ages 4 and 6) who often don’t behave well. He struggles with work (software engineer – data science) and is distracted very easily. We’ve begged him to try therapy and not get rx for his issues. He sees a psychiatrist who just keeps prescribing more medication, which is making him lash out even more. We think he doesn’t need rx but just needs to modify his behaviors so that he is more scheduled and routine and has a better sleeping pattern to enable him to focus at work better and in turn not be so “tight” all the time. How can we help him see he doesn’t need RX he needs to routine himself. and modify behaviors… no late night work sessions, no rushing here an there. causing panic in an already panicked mind. can we help him.
As a parent of adult children, one of the lessons that was very tough for me to learn is the lack of control I now have on their lives. This was very tough because I can still clearly remember when they were children how much control I had over where they went, when they ate and what they watched.
Though this control gradually diminished over the years I realized that I could still have influence. This influenced increased when they saw that I was willing to listen much more than I spoke and I was focused on understanding them rather than being understood.
It is also important to note that research has shown that the best results are often achieved by a combination of medication and psychotherapy. It may be wise then to focus your support on providing a listening ear and encouraging him to see a trained, experienced therapist when he allows you the opportunity to do so.