Keep Love Alive In Your Marriage

We all remember the check yes or no card. Just a simple mark in the right box and you knew someone loved you. It seems so simple, direct, and complete. I mean come on, a third grader can do it! What starts as a simple note continues in various forms as we seek to have the question answered again and again, “Do you love me?”

I find that within marriages, couples are driven to seek counseling with this question in mind. Couples want to know that their spouse loves them. At times within a marital relationship couples may experience their partner as unloving, unappreciative, and uncaring. These feelings may not be expressed directly but under a hidden cloud of criticism, disapproval, and withdrawal. While both partners in the relationship equate love, appreciation, and respect with the behaviors that they engage in, the opposite partners’ methods of expressing love can be discounted.

Neither partner stops to consider the possibility that they may be expressing love in a way that does not communicate what the other person is looking for.

Couples have to learn that just saying or declaring love may not be enough. To truly answer the “Do you love me?” question, each spouse must take the time to process and understand what the other person is desiring. The rush to just “check the box” by making a declaration of love or doing something that you would see as love becomes less meaningful because there is no thought or action behind the statement. While one person may define love as sharing in each other’s company or conversing with one another, the other spouse may define love in terms of expressions of tenderness and tolerance.

What do you look for to let you know someone loves you? How do you express love? How do you feel loved? These are some of the many questions you may find yourself responding to at some point in your marital relationship. However, before just giving an answer, it might be helpful to stop and think about what the other person truly desires when they ask the question, “Do you love me?”

If you’re in the Atlanta area contact Adam to help you and your spouse to get through this rough patch. Visit: or call 404-682-1923.