Joe Dispenza, Author of the book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, states that your personality creates your personal reality. What does that mean? Well let’s first define our personality. Many say that our personality is who we are, there’s no changing it, it’s cemented in, like our genes. Well, I’m a firm believer in that we create our reality, people change and grow and do amazing things all the time (and there is science to back this up, very exciting!). So when I hear that something is ‘cemented in’, or ‘I’m born this way’, a big red flag goes up for me.

So what are the factors that make up who we are and what is changeable?

Let’s look at the the components of our personality:
We are what we think, how we feel, and how we act on a daily basis. Often times, if we are compassionately honest with ourselves, our actions do not always match our thoughts. For example, we are go getters at work, top salesperson in our department, winning awards for employee of the month. But at the end of the day, we think mostly about the mistake we made, or the lack of knowledge about this or that, or the should of done this or that. And if we tune in to how we feel, we may find feelings such as “I’m not good enough, I’m such a loser, like I was told, I won’t amount to anything”.

And we wake up the next morning to begin again, striving – pushing -forcing our success, to gain some form of recognition, to be noticed and acknowledged. The interesting piece is that no matter how much we push and sweat and achieve, that sense of fulfillment and success won’t come from the outside, it is an inside job.

Our personality is created based on how we interpret the world around us, it’s not the circumstances, it’s not the promotion, or the awards, or the stuff we have, it’s how we view them, how we let them define us. How we choose to believe our lives to be is how we create our reality.

Our Thoughts

What do you think about every day? Really get honest with yourself, write down your deepest thoughts, for yours eyes only. Get to know what you have created in your head, the story that you have chosen to live by. Now, often times we develop these stories based on past experiences. Our brain creates these neural pathways from an experience, usually one that is emotionally charged. And then we continue our life reinforcing that belief. So once you have gotten down and dirty with your thoughts, on paper, no denying them, begin to see the patterns. Have you created yourself to be a victim? Bad things just keep finding you. Maybe you have created a reality where you are safer by being independent and not letting anyone in. Or maybe you’re the blamer and it’s safer to not take responsibility for your life, then you don’t have to do anything about it. This process takes compassion, empathy, acceptance, and forgiveness. We all have a story, we all live based on a belief system, something we were taught based on someone else’s beliefs and experiences. You step into your power when you consciously choose what you want to believe and think, and how you want to live. You get to write your own story, begin today!

Our Feelings

How do you feel about yourself? Do you feel grateful for all you have, who you are regardless of what you have? Do feel loveable, caring, kind, joyful, happy? When you are out in the world, with friends, at work, showing your confidence, being successful. But when you are alone, in the privacy of your own mind, heart and soul, do you feel alone, worthless, sad, unfulfilled. Do your thoughts match your emotions? Some of you may be so out of touch with your feelings that you may not be able to recognize them. That’s ok, you’re not alone. It’s about practice, tuning back in and reconnecting with your feelings, the emotional state that is directing your life. Our emotions are very powerful. We are often living our lives based on our feelings. Feeling afraid so you don’t take that once in a lifetime vacation, or pass up the job promotion, or end a relationship that was leading to a lifetime of commitment. We have all the excuses of why it was the “right” thing to do. But if decisions are based out of fear, then you are stuck. It’s time to get unstuck. It’s time to tune in and own your life. Meditation is a mind training tool. Connecting to our breath allows us to be the master of our minds. And once we are the master of our minds we are the master of our lives! How empowering! Meditation is not something to be feared, it is not as mystical and mysterious as some may think. See it as a tool to quiet the mind and tune into the emotions.

Here are some beginning steps to initiate the process of self care:

  • Find a quiet space where you will not be interrupted, begin with 5 minutes at least.
  • Begin breathing deep in the belly. Place a hand on the belly and feel it rise and fall.. Just breathe.
  • Notice your thoughts, just notice. No judgement, no blame. It’s as if they are floating by on a cloud and you are watching them.
  • Begin to notice how you feel: anxious, angry, agitated, calm, peaceful, frustrated. Just notice, no judgement.
  • When you are ready begin to change your feeling from fear or blame to calm, peaceful. Breathe into the belly while you remember and visualize a memory that was calm, happy, joyful. Remember what that feels like. Make it real right now. Invoke that feeling using a memory.

Our Actions

Recall a time when you were in a traffic jam, you’re in a hurry. The freeway is a parking lot. You begin to clench your jaw, gripping the steering wheel tighter, getting fidgety in your seat. Adrenalin and cortisol among other chemicals begin to surge throughout your body. You begin to feel anxious, thoughts become rapid and chaotic. Your body has triggered an emotional and mind engaging moment of crisis. Based all on an interpretation of safety. Nothing dangerous is really happening, you are not in any real threat. Tell that to your body and mind and the anxiety in your chest! It feels pretty real.

Now imagine that presentation you just rocked at work! Dressed in your best suit, walking tall, confident, shoulders down, chest up, chin held high. That sense of calm in your body, focused mind. You did your research and have a stunning presentation with graphics, charts, statistics. You are on top of the world. The parasympathetic nervous system is engaged, calming you down.

Which state of being do you choose to live in most of the time? Yes, it’s a choice. It’s a wonderful gift to have the ability to invoke a state of calm and clarity when we choose. It may sound scary, or foreign because you are currently in a habitual pattern of automatic behavior and thinking and feeling. You can continue that way of life. But I believe that if you’re still reading, then you’re intrigued and may just want to make your life what you truly want it to be. The first step is to begin. To commit to change, even when it’s difficult, you stay the course.

By Dawn Gaden, M.A., LPC, NCC of Thriveworks Beverly Hills

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