Divorce Recovery in Beverly Hills, MI—Therapists and Counselors
“Imagine spreading everything you care about on a blanket and then tossing the whole thing up in the air. The process of divorce is about loading that blanket, throwing it up, watching it all spin, and worrying what stuff will break when it lands.”
—Amy Poehler, Yes Please
When people’s world is spinning from a divorce, it can be hard to image a safe landing—especially when there is so much at stake. There are the practical realities of handling the children, the in-laws, the friends, the extended family, the court, the finances, and the housing situation. There is also the personal impact of fear, guilt, confusion, anger, depression, anxiety, loneliness, and more.
When couples are planning their wedding bells, ending the marriage is never part of the plan. Happily-ever-after is the plan, but plans change. Often, change is full of pain and challenge. It can also be full of opportunity. While divorce ends a marriage relationship, it does not close the door on a happy, fulfilling life. During the recovery and rebuilding process, many people going through a divorce begin counseling to guide their healing. A skilled therapist can provide guidance and support during a dark time.
The counselors and therapists at Thriveworks Beverly Hills have worked with many clients as they recover from a divorce and build toward a fulfilling future.
Why Do Marriages End?
For decades, psychologist John Gottman studied marriages and divorces. His famous marriage lab would observe couples in a mundane situation and then predict whether they would divorce or not. Researchers who ran the experience could anticipate a couple’s future divorce with uncanny accuracy.
How? While the specific details of why a couple divorces vary greatly from couple to couple, the undercurrent of those details rarely changes. Gottman identified “the four horsemen.” These four dynamics, when present in a marriage, often mean the marriage will end in divorce.
- Criticism: Negative interactions, nit-picking, and putting down have no place in healthy relationships.
- Contempt: Disrespect is almost always a factor in divorce, even if the other horsemen are absent.
- Stonewalling: When problems are avoided, denied, and/or minimized, then manageable problems grow unmanageable.
- Defensiveness: Couples become stuck when one or both partners blame, shift responsibility, and avoid accountability.
When one or more of these dynamics are at play in a marriage, they can cause great relational harm. Coming out of a marriage likely means that people need an intentional time of healing and recovery.
Divorce Recovery: Healing Wounds, Building a Future
Divorce is the loss of a marriage relationship, of course, but that is only the beginning of the losses. The costs each person incurs will be very personal and unique, but examples may include…
- Giving up one’s home and having to establish another living situation.
- Adjusting relationships with extended family or in-laws.
- Transitioning to joint-parenting or single parenting.
- Reducing one’s standard of living.
- Going back to work/changing one’s work situation.
- Establishing new friendships.
The losses are many, and they need to be grieved. Varied and even bizarre emotions may arise when people grieve, and it is important that people allow them to feel their way through the grief cycle. They may bounce between emotions such as sadness, shock, anger, denial, fear, bargaining, guilt, and even joy.
As people recover from a divorce, they may need to look back before they look forward. It can be painful to examine a past marriage for what went wrong and why, but doing so can equip people with invaluable information. Maybe adjustments need to be made for future relationships. Maybe deep wounds need healing before people have the strength to move forward. Whatever the case may be, there is much healing to be had by understanding the past.
How Long Does Recovery Take?
Many people seek the help of a mental health professional as they pursue divorce recovery, but there is no silver bullet or quick-fix. Each person’s journey is unique and a number of factor influence the healing process:
- One’s physical health, age, personality, and mental health.
- Whether or not the divorce was anticipated.
- The marriage’s age.
- Why the divorce occurred.
- How tumultuous the process of divorce was.
- The status of a couple’s finances.
- If the couple has children.
- Whether new, romantic relationships have formed.
Divorce Recovery at Thriveworks Beverly Hills
You do not have to go through a divorce alone. Thriveworks Beverly Hills has divorce recovery appointments available. If you call our office…
- A person will answer and help you schedule an appointment.
- Weekend and evening appointments are available.
- Most first-time clients meet with their counselor within 24 hours of their first call.
- We accept many forms of insurance.
- There is no waitlist, so you will not be put on one.
If you are ready to recover from ending your marriage, we are ready to help. Call Thriveworks Beverly Hills today.